Oh, look. I incorporated yet another programming related metaphor in my writing.

I hope this isn't an automatic rejection when the agent requests a full MS. Most people don't appreciate any of my programming related metaphors for some reason.

MICHELLE!

Nice, but the last sentence might be a bit too much, no?

@-ANGRY-CLIENT-
YES!

@shellbug
Yeah, it might be haha. This is the second to final draft, so I still have another chance to clean this paragraph up. I'll have to remove that, since the readers won't understand a thing.

@Michelle
Honestly it seems a little forced in there and goes a little long. A sentence or two that're shorter would work better, even if you do keep the computer/programming analogy.

It's plain English (even the part of void), and not written like it would be hard to understand - I kinda love how it comes out.. (:

@xewl But, yes, I'd remove those. (=

@xewl

Or this:

"He was like a computer program with one function: kill. Talking and listening were not in the source code."

@xewl I'd keep the source code part.

@RiderExMachina
I removed the last sentence.

@RantSomeWhere
Yeah, it will be. I'll add you to the list of devRanters I alert when it comes out. :)

@xewl
Those two sentences are necessary because the doctor is trying to explain something to Jace, but Jace doesn't want to talk or listen. All he can think of is to kill this guy because he's a "traitor."

I changed it to this.

@nemyxa
He's a teenage serial killer consumed by insanity after the accident or "prank."

Robots don't fit in it. :)

@Michelle am curious if the reference to Jace was intentional haha

I’d be curious to read this as well

@RantSomeWhere I think it would also be a very interesting read, could you please add me to the list as well @Michelle? 😁

@Michelle great, add to to that list tho (:

@A-C-E
If you're talking about @real-jase, then no, it wasn't. I created Jace when I was 14, which was two years before I joined devRant.

@chilledfrogs @xewl
You're both added to the list. :)

@Michelle please add me to the list too. 🙂

@shellbug
Okay, I added you. :)

@Michelle thank you.

Are you almost finished writing it?

@shellbug
I finished writing it about a year and a half ago. I'm just finishing up the edits and revisions them I'll go back to querying.

@Michelle sorry for this dumb, easily googleable question, but what is "querying"? 🙃

@shellbug
I love answering questions about writing and publishing. There are no stupid questions. :)

It's when you submit to an agent or publisher. You email them the first three chapters of your manuscript (sometimes in an attachment unless states otherwise) with a query letter (introducing yourself and your book) and a cover letter.

@Michelle thank you for explaining. Good luck with your querying. 🙂

@shellbug
Thanks. :)

@Michelle

Hey! I'm itsnameless. I'm back. So much time without talking to you...

@imjxvier
Oh, hey! It's been a while. :)

@RantSomeWhere
Lol I should have said that.