Root encounters HR at her new job.

So, I left my job a few weeks ago. I was pretty sad about it, so I didn't want to write anything about it. It was a great place to work, with great managers, decent coworkers, and interesting work. I also had free reign over how I built things, what to improve, etc. Within about four months, I authored over half of the total commits on their backend repo, added a testing suite with 90% coverage, significantly improved the security (more accurately: added security), etc. but I got a job offer that allowed me to work remotely, and make well over six figures (usd). I couldn't turn it down, even though I wanted to. So, I left. I'm still genuinely sad about that. I had emotions and everything. 🙁 I stayed on long enough to finish the last of the features for their new product launch, and make sure everything was stable. I'm welcome back whenever, though they don't want to have remote employees, and I want to move, so. that's probably not going to happen. sigh.

Anyway, I started my new job this week. Rented an office (read: professional closet) and everything! It's been veritable mountains of HR paperwork so far. That's all I've done besides some accounts setup. I've seriously only worked on and completed one ticket so far in two and a half days, and I still have six documents/contracts to sign! (and benefits; that'll probably take my weekend.)

But getting an I9 thing notarized? Apparently I only have three days before I'm legally unemployable by them or something, idk. HR made it sound ridiculously dire and important, and reminded me like five or more times. I figured it was just some notary service; that takes like 10 minutes, right? So I put it off until my second day so I didn't have to disappear in the middle of my first day. Anyway, I called a bunch of notary services on day 2, and apparently only like 5% of them both do notary services this time of year and aren't booked full. And of those, probably another 5% will notarize I9 documents.. No idea why it's rare, but whatever, I'm not a notary.

The HR lady assured me that I didn't need any special documents; I should just go there, present my IDs, and the notary will provide or draft documents for everything else. Totally doesn't sound right, but fine; I'm not a notary nor will I ever work in HR, so I'm not very knowledgeable about this. So, against my better judgement I decided to just go anyway. I called around and finally found a place that wasn't closed, busy, or refusing, and drove over there. Waited. Waited. Waited. Notary lady was super slow in every single action. (I should mention that it's now 10am, and I have a meeting with the Senior VP of Engineering [a stern, stubborn old goat who enjoys making people feel inadequate] at 12:30pm.) The notary lady looks like she's an npc updating in slow motion (maybe at 0.25x speed?) and can't seem to understand what I need. Eventually, she tells me exactly what I had assumed: if there's no document, she can't notarize said document, and she doesn't have an I9 for the company I'm trying to work for. (like, duh.) So I thank her for proving the flow of time is variable, which she ignores in slow motion, and drive back home. It's now about 11.

I message the same HR lady, and the useless wench gawks in surprise and says she's never heard of that ridiculous request before. It took prodding to get her to respond every time, but after some (very slow) back and forth, she says she wants to call the notary personally and ask what they need. I waited around for another response that never came, and eventually just drove to the notary place again to have them notarize the required ID documents. That plus my chat history with HR should be enough to show that I bloody well tried, and HR just shit the bed instead. I finally got them notarized at like 12:10, and totally broke the speed limit the entire way to the office, found the last remaining parking spot, and made it to my office just in time for the meeting. seriously, less than two minutes to spare. Meeting was interesting (mostly about security), but totally made me facepalm, shout "Seriously!? What the hell are you thinking!?" and make slapping motions at some of the people talking. I will probably rant about that next.

But anyway, I'm willing to bet that the useless wench won't get back to me before the notary closes, if at all, and will somehow try to blame it completely on me if I bring it up again. Passive aggressive bitch. She's probably thinking: "If I don't help her with these mandatory legal processes, it'll be her fault she didn't get them done in time. I mean, they're so easy! She's just doing it wrong." I fucking hate HR.

  • 11
    Here is the form: https://uscis.gov/system/... just fill it out in front of the notary and she does her thing on section two.
  • 9
    @bkwilliams Appreciated, but apparently the official form isn't sufficient because, and I'll quote the notary, "there is no room for the notary stamps, so I cannot notarize it." Plus (paraphrased), "Your company must provide a document with the I9 text, and provide room for the stamps."

    HR apparently just wants copies of my ID anyway, so whatever. That's what they'll get. I'm just pissed off because the wench was wrong, won't admit it, and is now being passive-aggressive and refusing to help despite it being her job to do so. Also that she won't suffer any repercussions for not helping, but I would, and it could cost me my job. I'd say those are pretty good reasons to be pissed off, don't you?
  • 7
    @bkwilliams the power of the community
  • 1
    oh man ehat a headache. I wish for everything to go through as quickly as possible for you :D and I really wish for you to be happy on your new job :D me and my eife have been discussing the possibility of me moving away to a different job, one that pays more, but the security I have were I work and the free reign that I have are hard to change, more so considering that the whole of I.T is a family. My previous manager left and had been absolutely miserable, shit scares me.
  • 5
    @jennytengsonM While the notary lady was also being pretty useless (because there's totally room) I don't actually need the form itself notarized because I already filled that out on the company's payroll and legal documents service. I apparently only need copies of my IDs notarized, which is what I just did and sent off. It's just this HR wench being stupid and unhelpful that's so frustrating.

    tl;dr Everything's already resolved, I'm just pissed off and needed to vent.
  • 3
    @Root wait... Why is there an official form, if it's not sufficient? That sounds Like bureuocracy ob steroids.
  • 1
    for remote work i need to fill out documents and what otp token i want. After that i get an remote accessible remote access on my work pc. What a hassle.
  • 2
    @Root Wait, you need copies of your ID notarized. Is it just me or is that a completely pointless thing to require? What does the notary's stamp even signify in that case?
  • 4
    @stop When I started working remote at my current company, I walked into a manager's office and said "This open office environment sucks donkey balls and you know it. I want to work from home". He said "I know, but you do know we'll have to give your seat to somebody else, right?" I said, "Please do so". I live 10 minutes from the office and work remote 100 percent of the time. I go into the office as infrequently as possible because it still sucks donkey balls there.
  • 2
    @monkeyboy Fuck all, tbh.
  • 2
    @Root imagine being licensed by a government and saying that government’s forms aren’t sufficient
  • 1
    @Root sounds like fun. I'm facing a similar mountain of red tape and frustrating agents when trying to find and lease a house near my university, it's a hilarious amount of formal stuff and documentation. So much fun. Hurrah.
  • 0
    @hash-table I want to move. My new job allows this; my previous job did not.
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