I can be manipulated. Yes, I’m now more resilient to manipulation than ever because I’m autistically good at recognising patterns, yet I’m not perfect.

For a manipulator, there is just one problem — now and then, my disorder obliterates my entire worldview, together with the foreign manipulative framework, so I can start with a blank slate. It protects me. Yes, this protection is akin to our body’s “we’ll boil all the germs in our own blood” tactic that instead of defining winners and losers only leave survivors, yet the force is unstoppable. You cannot secure the land that is hit by a tornado every three months.

That inner Nemesis is so strong that it even defeated a complex, almost fractal-like manipulation of my own mother that I lived in since birth, leaving her with a wound that will never heal. Wannabe manipulator exes didn’t even stand a chance. I don’t care if that force destroys me or not, as during that time, there is no “me”.

About my mom, long story short, she told me “I want to stop treating my cancer to die as soon as possible just to not see you anymore” after my coming-out. Full story is here:
- part 1: https://devrant.com/rants/4923052/...
- part 2: https://devrant.com/rants/4924040/...

  • 2
    such a fundamental break is a very hard thing to experience, and most people aren't even able to do something like stopping contact with their own parents.

    but when it's necessary, it's necessary - and a good thing. i've been though a situation myself where i had to cut a close person out of my life completely.

    and on the plus side: seems like you, as well, are a phoenix - now bask in the glory of your flames!
  • 0
    Yes, you can secure land hit by tornadoes every three months - by building bunkers. And that is exactly what will have to be done because of our ongoing terraforming project...

    On topic: I prefer multiple concurrent worldviews support over the cleanslate approach. Most worldview variations are eventualle merged or die due to logic errors. But there is a surprising amount of valid world views in the set of all possible world views and it often isn't immediately clear whether some can be merged or will eventually crash due to logic errors.

    Doesn't happen often, but the ability to fall back to another stable worldview when the current main one breaks is pretty nice to have too.

    By the way, i use Gentoo.
  • 1
    @kiki that's my secret super power - don't tell anyone ;)
  • 0
    @kiki: The worldviews are allowed to conflict with eachother and don't have to be complete.

    But when you have no problem choosing exactly one variant, you don't have any use for the multiple worldview approach. It is only useful when you want or have to deal with multiple incompatible truths or beliefs in your life. The classic use case is the "backup religion", a lot of modern people still have just in case god actually does exists...
  • 1
    A giga hug to you. Nobody should ever have to deal with what happened with your mother (or abusive Exes ofc)… I hope you find a safe heaven in regards of relationships and the strength to turn your inner enemy to an ally
Add Comment