consciously i know not to measure my worth by my productivity and that i ask too much of myself and that none of it matters, but i still struggle a lot changing subconsciously. that might be the most frustrating human experience

How do you reach this conclusion that you ask too much of yourself? Is it some level of self-love that I will never attain? I always look at myself and what I day and I say "not enough!", I'm never doing enough.

@rantsauce I'm trying to reach self indifference. self love and self hatred are two sides of the same coin, where I'm paying too much attention to myself.

I'm extremely anxious and i was raised by a narcissist, so I'm very self centered and i pay too much attention to my achievements and how others perceive me. what i realized over the years is that everyone does this to some extent, and so no one is really paying attention to my mistakes, not really. anything above or below indifference might be a distortion, so my goal is to stop caring. obviously it's easier said than done, I'm still very eager to please and i still lose sleep over this shit