It’s been so long since I posted but this time it’s juicy again.

I got a coworker, no prio experience but already a year and few months into the job. He’s bad.
Magnitudes of bad!

We’re trying to teach him but to no avail. Everything about him sucks, major ballsack to be exact.

His attitude is to avoid every task, finishes nothing and then starts something new.

„Did you do X like we told you to?“
„No I started on Y, because I thought it [looks better, seems more interesting, thought that X is useless…]“

When you ask him much is done he is always „almost“ finished and needs your help on the „last 5-10%“. Yeah fuck that!

But that guy has a talent, his talent is to always give you technically correct answers which actually are complete bullshit.

„What are you doing at your job?“
„Staring at a screen and typing things.“ dude what?

That guy used the excuse „I can’t do maths“ on everything.

For an exam he had to calculate how long it would take to reach a certain amount if you would get some interest in that every year.
He asked the teacher for the formula. During the exam! And when the teacher didn’t want to give it to him he wrote plainly „can’t do maths“ on the paper and left

His code is of a quality as if he would write his first line in a week and then has the audacity to blame me and the colleagues for not explaining it right.

Ok you might think now we’re teaching him bad, or are too impatient. But honestly if you have to explain how to do a for loop for over about 15 months and get that attitude I think you get the right to be angry. I don’t mind explaining on how things work, even for the hundredth time, but then don’t tell me you understood, go behind my back, complain at a colleague how bad I explained, get explained by him and then do it again until you whored yourself through the whole staff!

It’s like he got the mind swiper from Men in black at home. Every day he hits the reset button.

He had a week of just changing indentation on a html file. Why? Because he wanted to find his style.

Yeah his style

else {

And to produce code like that it takes him atleast 4 hours of trial and error.

And at the same time he goes arround and boasts what a super good programmer he his and that he can do some project work for them.
How we found out? Because he started working in those projects during work time at the office and asked us how to do things.
And he does so like a complete bastard!
Broken sql query? “No that query is perfect as it is, it’s supposed to show no results! But, just in theory, if I wanted to show some results, what would I need to change?”

I’m so mad about it and pissed on a personal level because he goes around blames everyone and the world for his short comings

  • 1
    What are you trying to tell us? Your boss sucks? Didn't you speak up? Why is that colleague still there?
  • 1
    Get your boss go be his "mentor". Maybe that will accelerate his departure? But for real, don't spend too much time each day on this askhole; no need to get dragged down. Give him written instructions, encourage him to ask others instead of you ("sorry, I can't help right now, but X knows everything about it!"). Block time in your calendar in case he keeps interrupting. And cover your butt in case he gets ugly and starts to blame you for his failures.

    what a moron lol
  • 1
    Admit it, that's you
  • 1
    Sounds like every new person these days in every field !

    No wonder nothing works. :-(

    I think this is why we lost indoor plumbing for 2,000 years..
  • 0
    Now did I come across this link here, or did I find it myself via google..

    Anyhow, lots of related meaty content:

  • 2
    Most people can't become devs and a lot of them can't even become acceptable code monkeys. That is just a fact you have to accept.

    Try to convince him to switch to something he actually is capable of improving in (most likely something he likes to do, but not neccessarily something he already knows about). Or just ignore him and let management deal with it - he isn't your employee after all.

    Btw, you should tell management that they fucked up by hiring this one - and you would be right to feel guilty about not doing so after the first few weeks...
  • 0
    Solid rand! Even started with "I'll be back". Your style seems to be ternarynator style.

  • 0
    I am so sorry!
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