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Just found out that the project I've been trying to save because management needs it to motivate a bunch of engineers into finishing work is on the chopping block.
I never wanted to take it on.
I voiced all my concerns throughout the last year about everything they are saying to me now.
But, after being chased for mundane deliverables and workshop deadlines-- and not seeing my coworkers faces in the past six months I want to just state this:
I've been "triangulating" through work for the past two years hoping either RTO will come and kick my ass into gear or I will end up owning something large enough that I care about, and all I have to show for it is a messy workflow, a flood email inbox, and a burning desire to let everything burn to shit.
If it's on the chopping block because I'm a valuable resource, then I am putting myself on the chopping block because there was nothing of value that I did that seems to be resonating.

All my glue work is ignored. I ignored their deadlines till they noticed what I did. It only led me to realize that I cannot possibly continue doing acts of service. Turns out it's all they ever wanted as they pretended I owned this company.

I am naive, and I hate myself for it.

Comments
  • 2
    So you are sad because you can do what you want without any consequences?

    Also just ask them to allow you using the office again. Maybe you aren't alone and others like going back to the office too.
  • 2
    I really feel you on this. I think I’m in a similar situation, and I tend to get into this bad mindset whenever I have too much pressure on me. It’s like I have chronic burnout and it’s a constant battle between trying super hard and being apathetic about my work. I hope you don’t hate yourself :(
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