I have a huge deadline coming up. It's important for the future of the project that we show a mostly complete version of the product to the client that day.

They ask if I can do it. I say yes, but it will be very taxing. And by taxing, I mean it's going to use up the remaining energy and motivation I have for anything. And I've made that clear to everyone.

Coworker:
Here's an unrelated task that will take 6.75 hours of your day and I will hound the boss until he makes you do it. And I am going to send you messages after work that foreshadow another day of doing things that aren't deadline related.

So when deadline day comes around and I have to present something that has two work days of work missing, they're going to look at me like I failed. And not that I had two of my days stolen from me doing miscellaneous chores that could have waited.

You already failed by over-promising, and your company has failed you by making you feel like the world is on your shoulders.

No. Is a complete sentence my guy

@spongessuck No, I didn't overpromise. I had every ability to deliver with the time I had when I made the promise. My only mistake is forgetting in the moment that this coworker of mine is an expert at wasting days of my life.

Still sounds like you should be pushing back far more than you have been doing. You had one task that you had agreed to deliver. What your coworker wants doesn't matter; it's up to your manager to either allow the interruption and release you from your previous promise, or not allow the interruption.

wow, didn't realized that we have more than 1 sponge guys around... until now

@We3D Haha, yeah, I think maybe @spongessuck doesn't think I'm much good at stuff!

Deadlines should not exist at all.

I mean it makes sense to have some specific dates and commitments, but what about the whole concept of agile when we're still talking about "deadlines" in information tech.

And what about that negative death etymology?

A lot of devs take "deadlines" way too serious. There is only one way to get an accurate time estimate in software development: Pure luck.

So that is how to always finish software in time: Start scheduling the presentation after the software is ready to be presented.

Seems like you need to forward the mails to the project lead with a totally innocent "Hi, short question: if I do this, we will fail the project, but I'm not sure about the current priorities. Could you please take care of this?"

This is what I usually do. Tell people what will fail and make sure it fails, if they prioritise something else.

@Oktokolo if only the managers and higher ups think the same way...

@We3D If they don't, then deadlines will be missed. Nothing, we have to give a fuck about. We tell em how it is and whether they use that knowledge wisely or not is their responsibility.

@Oktokolo I do that, but still some of them are constantly in the check. 'is it done already', 'how much till done', no matter I aways tell them, that will inform them when done and ready to check

ask them to prioritize. which task is more important from the revenue's standpoint? how much revenue will your deadline task bring vs. that task your coworker asked you to do?

then do the task of higher priority. when asked about the other task, say you did the right thing for the business (and that would be true).

you have to shake that straight-A student complex. if you're not a rapist or a pedophile, you never truly fail in life, no matter what others say. okay, you missed some deadlines and your boss isn't happy, so what? when you get your first bf/gf as a child, you feel like this love and attention is the only one you'll have in life, and if you lose it, you won't get another bf/gf ever. that's obviously not true. before you had this job, you had another one. you found this job, and if you leave, you'll find another one just as easy if not easier.

you have a limited number of fucks to be given. every microtrauma like this brings you closer to PTSD/other nasty mental stuff that might come out, and once it does, there is no coming back to being mentally healthy.

if the straight-A student complex is not typical for you, and if this is the first time you feel like this about your work/deadlines/your boss's opinion, you may be a victim of manipulation without knowing that. skilled manipulators can pull it off.

if that's the case, leave immediately. if you don't leave, you may get trauma that will fuck up your entire future/provoke a mental disorder that'll take ten years to contain and manage.

every person have a latent mental illness. some don't live long enough for it to become apparent. some live a happy enough life that it never appears. I was mentally healthy until the army, a very abusive three-year relationship and then a very toxic workplace. then something broke inside me and I became bipolar.

be careful with your brain. that invincibility you had as a child is no longer there. it is possible to fuck everything up.

@kiki I take pride in my work. I intentionally maintain a straight-A student complex because anything less only causes more work down the road.

And I refuse to allow apathy and nihilism to cause me to do less than my best. At the end of my life, I want to be known as someone that could be relied on to deliver in everything that was asked of me, and not someone that had his fire extinguished after one too many bad days.

@cuddlyogre I wasn’t proposing nihilism. I too take pride in my work. It is more emotionally taxing for me to be detached rather than invested.

But it doesn’t mean I allow to walk over me like that. I won’t work with people who disrespect what I do.

Straight-A complex doesn’t imply excellence. It merely means defencelessness against criticism of those who doesn’t respect you.

Instead of straight-A complex, it’s better to have Picasso complex.

@cuddlyogre for me, taking pride in my work is exactly the reason I won’t tolerate disrespect. Limited fucks to be given means I won’t waste my time on people who don’t appreciate what I do. I don’t want to negotiate with them.

@cuddlyogre I think that the part of straight A student complex that is problematic is the “my life is over if I make a mistake” mind set. That is a lot different than “I take a lot of pride in my work to push myself and mistakes will have uncomfortable consequences”