I'm a lazy ass person and I wanna learn web development.
However, I only have one problem.
I don't have a computer, or even a laptop.

Buy a cheap laptop, install GNU/Linux on it. Install Node.js, Learn from free web courses.

If you have no money well that's a problem. Money is required for everything in this world.

You know how I started web development? I also didn't have a computer I found some old defect laptops in my friends place and repaired one of them for me about three years ago. Now I'm a professional developer and stilll using that laptop. If you can repair electronics then you can find old or defect laptop on ebay.

Online shell account with web hosting maybe.

I mean you wrote the rant on some sort of device. If is capable of running devrant I bet you could do web dev on it.

I code java, python and c/C++ on my Android device.

Compilers available for all.

Buy an internet connect fridge and install visual studio on it.

I've had an old laptop but it's not working anymore and I've been fixing it for years. It gave up on me after all :D
I'm using my Android phone right now.
I'll give this old laptop one last try.
Any light operating systems I can run on it (if it worked)?

if you got an andrpid phone, you can hook up a keyboard with an otg cable and android has a lot of php server apps so it shouldnt be a problem