Let's talk about borrowing/lending money.

Will you lend money if a friend or family asks?

At the moment, it's an immense hassle to get back the money I'm owed. I don't mind at all but the idea of losing money down the drain for no reason is idiosyncratic.

I would lend my family money without expecting it back (and I did!) I mean I do expect it back eventually but I don't have a deadline and I'm not going to worry about it if it never comes.

But there are some caveats:

a) I have enough money to do this, I always follow the rule *don't invest what you don't have* and if I needed that money on my account I'd decline or propose a lower sum that I can handle (also happened in the past)

b) I love my family, which cannot be said for everyone. There definitely are people that have much more complicated relationships with their families

Regarding friends I'd lend money to my best friend and close friends, but I'd expect it back in a reasonable amount of time. But not to just any "friend" and the sum and length of lending strictly depends on what they need it for in the first place.

For borrowing, I don't like borrowing money, so I don't do that much, but if I do I make sure to pay it back asap.

I mean I guess the way I see it. Money is just money. And if my money can make someone I love make happy or comfortable I consider it a worthwhile investment :D

@Hazarth How long is a " reasonable amount of time"?

I value the relationship and the future more than the money, but when you just take and disappear it's little annoying. At least say something. It's not the lost sum that's irritating but the unknowing and unpredictability.

@kanyewest Good question, I guess that differ greatly on the type of lending.

If I'm lending money to my friend because he's needs them for say renovating and is missing a little bit, then I suppose a couple paychecks, maybe up to a year... A large sum of money will need a lot of time to come back (otherwise they obviously wouldn't borrow it from me)

but if it's a small thing, say a new Hardware for their PC, or a new phone they urgently need, or just some taxes they need to pay, I'd say 1-2 paychecks is when they should be able to get it back? so maybe 2 months?...

I'd probably ask "for how long you need the loan" before lending it to get an estimate and see if it fires any red flags. If they say "I don't know" then I'm not lending it. But this never really happened to me before. They always tell me exactly what they need it for and when will be they able to give it back.

But I suppose you need to set up a verbal agreement first, so both parties know what's up

family - yes.

friend - no. No more. Unless I truly trust the lad AND I'm the one purchasing the thing for him and we agree on the terms of paying back.

@Hazarth That's such a good advice. I should have asked the duration beforehand.

I think I lend the money I'm prepared to lose. Just as in gambling. I don't gamble tho'.

@c3r38r170 No one is prepared to lose anything. You like losing money? Why?

@kanyewest I don't like it, but risks exist, and rewards too. It's a game. Everything is. Why buy things if things can break and you lose money, then?

@c3r38r170 exactly, you lend it because you expect something in return, might be just continuing friendship.

On the other hand, a friend that only stays as a friend because they can borrow money is not a friend but an employee ;)

@Voxera also, if a friend truly cared about their relationship they wouldn't fucking bring money into the equation. A friend someone you can do anything for, but won't have to.

I won't lend people money, I give it to them if they're in a tight spot. Most repay me even if I don't expect it.

I don't lend money to people who I know have bad financial practices or substance dependencies, because they never learn that way. For example, I have a family member who is a drunk who can afford to buy $100 bottles of whiskey just after pay day, but just before the next pay day doesn't have enough money to fill up his car. Sorry, but I ain't paying for your liquor habit.

@dissolvedgirl He needs an ethanol-fueled car

I’ll lend only if you have nothing to eat, nothing to wear or nowhere to stay. This, plus medications. Everything else can wait.

(“Nowhere to stay” includes having no money to pay rent)

Usually the answer is no, but if it yes I would only do it with a signed loan agreement.

only lend what I assume I'll lose

but it's also dangerous because if they don't pay back or do other things to avoid paying back it will ruin the friendship in my head, because I value integrity as a person and now I know they don't have any

so I'd generally avoid lending money if I can help it. plus in my experience then people begin to expect it from you and that just sucks. then they like you because you have money and can't see you as a human person because such a thing is less octane a feeling to them

with family you can't replace them, so if you find out they suck or change the nature of the relationship by your givingness and what they view you as in their head subconsciously, that would suck worse

also I've had "rich" friends be surprised I had money. I did not like that. they start viewing you like meat and that person in particular later blamed me for her car busting (?) and then shattalked me to the group. wtf. still to this day!