Crucifixion, bronze bull or rabies: what's the best fate for my mother? Maybe you have other suggestions?

Oh just be nice to her.

Mothers deserve a nice kid.

Either because they are good mothers,

or because the eventual backstab hurts so much more if they are not...

And in the latter case, have her declared legally insane and have her institutionalized.

@TrayKnots

https://devrant.com/rants/5944219/...

https://devrant.com/rants/9940652/...

@kiki Fucking hell, who wants your life story. Have some moderation.

@kiki What about iron maiden? and i don't mean the band!!!

If bronze bull is the one where you get burned alive inside that's pretty brutal.

she's probably gonna die of old age by this point

just stop being defined by it. make her irrelevant. move on with your life

isn't that the worst someone can do?
there was a time I was so apathetic for so long it occurred to me the worst thing you can feel of all is nothing at all

also the trail of people who keep trying to get me back is pretty funny

and you get to, you know, live a normal (or abnormal) life which means your existence is vast and exciting and not defined by uhh... what presumably is the worst thing you've found in your current existence. which as a strategy is fucking dumb. like why do that? just don't

@kiki I can relate to a lot of stuff you wrote in those two posts. Especially the being taken advantage of, constantly being pushed back because you are treated like you are not your own person. I will also never forgive mine for how she never questioned the possibility of, nor how she handles me being autistic. Just saw me struggling all my life and everything was just me being lazy and I should know better and everyone knows this and that and just try harder.

@Alice I feel it. I’m autistic too. Isn’t it weird how the goalpost keeps getting shifted, devaluing all your previous efforts to behave and completely obliterating your motivation? Mine used fear as motivation. She made sure her silence feels like torture.

@Alice because everything I said was always wrong, it took me years of training just to learn how to talk to people.

@kiki Yeah, it was and sometimes still is the same with mine.

There was also the fact that she (and my teachers), when I was a kid, used all these things that should've been there to help me, as threats only, (Stuff like schools for disabled children, learning disabilities & developmental disabilities) because nobody knew I was autistic all this time. So of course things like these are used as a bad thing, because fuck everyone who's disabled, fucking losers, right?

Today, she keeps reading stuff about autism, but in the end, she doesn't care about any of my traits. She still constantly starts fights because "you should know this." and "what you said clearly implies [bad thing]" (I hate it so, so, sooooooooooooo much how this society operates on people throwing away the meanings of the words you said and just make up implications you never even thought)

And everyone around me already knew I'm autistic right after my diagnosis without me ever agreeing to telling people.

@Alice after my bipolar type I manifested, Covid happened and I lost my ability to read because of wrongly prescribed neuroleptics, it came to me that my complete isolation from her was a matter of my survival no less. I was still regaining my intelligence for a year before calling it quits, as I obviously lost my job, but once I was back on my feet… well, just one last DM followed by complete radio silence on my end.
She used EVERY opportunity to take advantage of me when I barely had brain cells to eat and shower. She even tried to sabotage my departure by stealing from me and my wife.
She’s a literal mannequin. Nothing in her eyes, my whole childhood. Not rage, not hatred, not disappointment, obviously not love… just nothing.

@kiki I'm so sorry. Nobody should be treated this way. Sadly there are absolute monsters who get children and then think their children owe them for it.

On a side note, I lost my ability to read things like books properly during the last few years because of autistic burnout due to all the stress I had. Slowly getting back to reading a few pages per month, but it's still hard for me to read a page and keep the information because I partly don't even understand what the texts want to tell me anymore.

I can't imagine how much worse it must be to lose that ability completely on a neurological level.

@Alice thanks, I really appreciate it.
What did it feel like? Well, try gulping seven times in a row. Then, imagine that gulping is thinking. The suffocating inability to think devours you, and you have no way of defending yourself because it requires thinking. A cruel vicious cycle

@kiki Fuck.