Here’s a novel rant no one has ever seen before.

The iPhone keyboard is absolutely the worst input method ever created. Even primitive keyboards from the 80s are more usable.

I would use a madcatz controller to type instead of this garbage given the choice.

And you know what’s a good interface design? Making the music player controls on the lock screen disappear when Bluetooth connects

This dumpster fire refused to allow me to type out lock screen in lower case without me having to back out 3 times. It even deleted the lowercase “lock” when I didn’t want it all capitalized. You know, because deleting words that have already been accepted is good interface design.

Also it's swipe typing only works for US english. What a joke. Android keyboards already supports multiple languages since a decade ago.

@daniel-wu now this is the prove that you have really fucked something up in your settings… because swipe DOES work with any language.

Your constant crying about missing and not working stuff that actually not missing and working, is tiresome.

@Lensflare Responding to input is not the same as working

Your insistence that I’m holding it wrong is equally tiresome

@cuddlyogr Hier benutze ich extra für dich die deutsche Tastatur um zu zeigen dass swipen perfekt funktioniert, du Troll.

First try, not a single error.

@Lensflare So we're holding it wrong then? Got it. I'll just tell the countless other people that have posted on public forums about how miserable the Apple keyboard is that they need to hold it right.

I'm so glad it's our intentionally masochistic natures that are causing this and not the indefensible (by people that aren't zealots for free) design choices of Apple.

I love the: "Works on my POS Apple" responses. The ol' works on my machine response.

@Demolishun Maybe Apple needs to release some kind of Kubernetes-like product so that @Lensflare can share their 1 in a million working setup with the rest of us.

Ah stop that bullshit already. I just pointed out an obviously wrong claim: That the swipe keyboard would only work with english keyboard. It‘s wrong and none of your whining will make it true.

And your claims that I‘m the weird one for who it works is bullshit as well. I can play the same game:
Literally EVERYONE that I know personally and from work doesn‘t have a problem with the apple keyboard. And I myself have used dozens of apple devices for decades.

If you want to bash apple, at least get your facts right and stop being a clown.
You act like everyone has this problems because you found some forum where people have the same problem. It doesn‘t mean that it‘s the majority.
You can find literally anything on the internet that confirms your beliefs.

@Demolishun that wasn‘t my point. My point was that the claim of the @cuddlyogre clown ist factually wrong.

@cuddlyogre yeah, one in a million… you don‘t even realize that it‘s you who is the one in a million for who it doesn‘t work.

@Lensflare Your zealotry is truly fascinating. You are genuinely offended that someone has a problem with a product you have some kind of personal attachment to that seemingly goes well beyond just being a normal preference. If they could get away with it, Apple would sell your soul to the devil if it meant they got a half penny for it.

You resort to name calling when a stranger has a bad experience with a PRODUCT that a multinational corporation churns out for profit, not the greater good.

As for the truly canonical and authoritative experience of you and your friend group filled with no doubt similar levels of zeal that also clouds their objectivity, I offer a counter example.

Every person I know of that texts me using an iphone consistently has typos or the message makes no sense because they think voice to text will be better (spoiler alert: it's not). Phone calls are constantly breaking up and dropping.

@Lensflare Well, my experience is more like a one-in-a-few-thousand, but you willfully dismiss identical experiences as if I have thousands of sock puppet accounts all across the internet and it's all just me complaining.

@cuddlyogre it‘s so pathetic that you always assume that the only reason must be that I‘m a zealot.
I‘m not offended because you somehow insult a product or company that I like. This is bullshit. I hate Apple for so many things. And I also rant about Apple stuff.
But I‘m not a dumb clown who rant‘s about shit that is simply not true. And your bullshit claims about how like almost everyone has this problem just triggers me hard. That‘s why I‘m pissed.
And now I‘m pissed that you aren‘t able to comprehend why I am pissed beyond your caveman like thinking of "he disagrees with me ranting about apple so he must be apple zealot. Ugh!"
Fuck! I can‘t stand this framing bullshit!

@Lensflare See, that's zealotry. I love LEGO, but my vertebrae aren't decalcified every times I see a post about how LEPIN or Megablocks are better.

I also don't make up a universe where thousands of people with similar opinions are liars to justify wasting my time arguing with them and calling them names all to defend the reputation of the LEGO Corporation.

Why can't you allow me and the countless others that offend you with our bad experiences with Apple be wrong?

@cuddlyogre jeez… it‘s completely hopeless to try to explain something to you. I am not offended for the reason you think that I am. I‘m not even offended. I‘m pissed because you get it all wrong.

@Lensflare @cuddlyogre
Und hier ist's nochmal weil's ja so schön ist.

@Lensflare You claim I, and everyone else that has the problems I am having, are holding it wrong.

You have on multiple occasions demonstrated a complete refusal to acknowledge that it is even possible that there may be some problem with this product you are overinvested in that you are somehow not experiencing that others obviously are.

You resort to dehumanizing detractors of this product, calling them clowns and liars and idiots because their experience isn't as positive as yours. That they don't shut up and just let this subpar garbage go out into the world unhindered.

And if I was just a troll? What then? Your skeleton dissolving over my dissent would just be fuel for me.

You really need to figure that out.

@cuddlyogre No, no and no.
Forget it, I tried to explain it many times now. You are not able to read or to understand.

I hate trying to type on phones in general

This is why I have a Bluetooth keyboard.

Typing on a touch screen sucks.

@D-4got10-01 do you also carry your bluetooth keyboard around together with your phone?

For me, using swiping is faster than typing on a physical keyboard. But only for natural language, obviously. For code, nothing beats a physical keyboard.

@Lensflare Are you sure "swipe DOES work with any language"?? How can you be so sure?

I have iPhone 13 Pro Max on my hand here. Updated to the latest iOS version. I have added Indonesian keyboard to it's setting. And swipe/glide typing definitely DOESN'T work when I change keyboard to Indonesian language.

I did some digging around. It seems that Apple's keyboard only support swipe typing for these languages: English, Chinese, Dutch, French, German, Italian, Portuguese, Spanish, Swedish, Vietnamese.

@daniel-wu fair enough. But op was claiming that it ONLY works for en-US. I wanted to point out that this is not true and I went a bit too far.

more on this:

I have always wondered why my brother in law sent me voice messages on WhatsApp instead of typing them. As it turns out, typing on iPhone's small screen with his fat finger is too bothersome since it cannot swipe type. Whelp, it's his own fault for buying Apple's product. 🤡🤡

NB: my current iphone was workplace issued not long ago, since we develop mobile app using flutter

@daniel-wu buying a small device (iphone or not) and knowing that your fingers are too fat for it, yes it IS his own fault.

I always buy the smallest iphones possible and yes, I sometimes hit the wrong key. But it doesn‘t make swiping worse. Swiping is a bit fuzzy anyway so you don‘t need to "hit" the keys exactly.

Update:

An quick email to my boss a few minutes ago contains took 5 minutes of revising, including fighting to keep the word Doo out of it (because to Apple, that's more appropriate than "do" for some idiotic reason)

Think different indeed.

I do so many dos and none of them do ever end up being Doo, no matter if i do type or if I do swipe. Do do do… not a single doo.

Just a counterexample. I’m sure that you are convinced that it’s a problem with every single iphone…

@Lensflare Your flawless experience is the exception.

@cuddlyogre 😂 sure mate, sure.

@Lensflare Most of the time - yes.

It's small enough to fit my backpack && my hatred towards typing on the touch screen is greater than my laziness.

If I know I have to type more than a couple sentences, then I always take out the keyboard.

Also I’m sure they cripple other keyboards into being slower than theirs to put people of using alternatives

@RichSouth I am certain they disallow other keyboard engines, the same way they disallow other web browser engines because almost no one would use the one that came with the phone if they did.

@cuddlyogre you are wrong, as always.

@Lensflare Then explain why third party keyboards are as awful as the stock keyboard, when their Android versions are far far superior.

@cuddlyogre I don‘t have an explanation for your issues because I never hand those issues and never met anyone who had those issues.

1. buy a used flip phone

2. troll linked-in for the addresses of apple AI designers

3. mail them a flip phone with a piece of paper.

4. on the paper is printed the following text: "here I improved your keyboard."

5. alt: mail them a madcats controller with the same text.