Guys i'm bored lets throw a rave in your country presidential palace.

I bring acid

Wouldn't be the craziest or unproductive thing happened there. A rave with a few thousand people would make more people happy than what's happening there normally. Also, a lot of people high on drugs during a rave has more reasoning skills than the people there now. It's such a freakshow there, they probably do not even notice we're raving while they "work" there. Also, a rave is per definition more Democratic than what's going on there now. Also, a rave there would probably fuck up our lives less. I really think those people go to home and no problems will happen. Fake jobs.

@retoor it's like one day a year the purge but it's random people on acid doing government one day a year

I feel so crazy rn. some concoction of drugs is making me just feel crazy

I don't even know how to describe it

one of the things I'm taking says don't take with anti depressants or MAO inhibitors and I think it's that thing. it's given out as a mood stabilizer but I don't know how it would do that because it's just a brain anti oxidant chemical

and maybe some of the regular drugs I take increase neurotransmitters in the brain and they're having fun together

I keep having so many emotions. like small ones but I feel every one. and it's like craaazy

and then i keep feeling shame all the time for some reason? I didn't know what that emotion was til like 2 days ago when a friend told me about their issues with it. maybe my brain is subconsciously learning it I don't fucking know. also self doubts. maybe it's just because my life went to shit while I was sick and I'm just low confidence now. ragh

and I have some of my old apathy back also which def beats 24/7 mania

& now to feel TMI

@jestdotty nothing beats mania. I'm not thinking about my mental state at all. I'm doing great. Reflection is a terrible thing. It normally means you're not busy enough tbh. At least not with smth you care about.

@jestdotty I think we talked once about kratom right? That's good for mood. Don't use it because of taste and sweating. Afaik, that's only noticeable downsides. Not legal in all countries.

@retoor fuck that I love reflection

think my brain is better at coding despite memory being weird now

I was scared of some of my songs lol, but then it passed

but I think while sick I had to be extra monitoring of myself, especially cuz was trying lots of drugs, and now my brain is neurotically stuck in those loops and I keep cringing when I notice it and self-doubting when I keep saying that stuff. it's entirely irrelevant to anyone else

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kratom people sus. no thanks. why go with the drug everyone is pushing? I think I can choose my own drugs. I don't like it when people push things

also I do slightly remember what kratom is. just kinda seems dumb. nor is there really "few" mood stabilizing drugs. who wants a damned stable mood anyway?

i've been trying to finish a romantic comedy tv show I watched years ago and didn't know I didn't see the last season. last season so bad. it's about a crazy person and now they're shilling anti depressants. churns my stomach. no humanity

@jestdotty kratom was for me something not having many downsides and really one that keeps your mood good. But the downsides it has, is just smth I really don't want. Who else pushes kratom? I don't. My answer is amphetamine for every problem in exception of addiction 😂.

Sometimes the human cpu goes faster than the memory. I have that too. It's exactly what happens to extreme while manic, you're a kinda llm, producing a lot in a impressive way but your memory is dying.

Self doubting is reflection. Who likes that.

I'm happy with myself as F, so I should do reflection to boost ego even more, but since I feel good already, I don't think critical about myself and don't do reflection. Reflection is smth you do when something is or was bad.

@jestdotty btw, I just had lawyer here. What a people are that. Just amazing. I had to come to court originally but refused so I had to sign a paper that I'm refusing. I laughed about it, what if I also don't sign this paper? What do you want to do? Put me in jail for not standing of my rights? That's weird. It doesn't matter if I sign or not, that's the joke. But I did sign, there's a benefit in it. I did sign my right away to show up in court and defend myself but believe me, there wouldn't be a difference. They'll inject me for another half year. I signed, else I had to go to court for not going to court 😂 long story short: no court, no lawyer (at least not one that I had to pay), no wasted time & travel. Consider the consequences first if you don't do smth like going to court or sign smth. Who think they who they are? As long you didn't do smth criminal, they can't force you to go to go court. That's the thing, most things are voluntary. Just don't do it. Then what?

@retoor well, then they send a lawyer with a document that you didn't want to show up in court and now it's official you don't cooperate. Oh no, the horror. Official? Oh no, what a problem. Fuck off fuckers. Don't be scared.

@retoor never had self doubt before

and it's fine. people talk about having limits and i've always been curious. my baseline was feelings of invincibility before so I think I'm a cold dick often cuz I can't empathize

fucking. decided to drink breakfast tea and now all my sensitivity numbed out. lame. i want it back. it was overwhelming and intense and I loved it. shouldn't consume things with theobromine anyway 😝, now I'm incentivized I guess!

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reflection = self optimization, or meta optimization, or finding patterns in psychology which then can apply to systems as a whole. it's like stopping to sniff the flowers but you are the flower. though a lot of my "self reflection" is actually me thinking about other stuff, but the way you think about other stuff tells you a lot about yourself and also teaches you about other stuff more objectively. I think then it also makes you more grounded. people don't seem to know what they're doing a lot

@retoor lol idk. law is coercion

I mean it's that or you have villagers with pitchforks

government is monopoly on violence so you don't fear the irrationality of your neighbours pitchforking you I guess

but of course some people see the pitchforking as a useful tool to leverage their fellow man, so get into politics for the power, or pay off politicians for that power. end of the day it's coercion and anarchy is against coercion

what would they do if you didn't sign? well either waive that because they think you're being a child and show compassion to it, or they could just take you away and arrest you and etc. it's probably up to their discretion. legal system can be pretty fucked up frankly. tip of the ice berg. best to just not gain people's attention when they have that level of "power". they're not used to being negotiated with

I don't like your raves

oh damn I actually just ate acid

betaine hydrochloride acid

was reading this notif when my tummy felt pleasantly warm. and I'm like. wait. that's acid popping open

I'm so acidic rn

@cafecortado far out