I love my wife, i really do. But seriously.... STOP PULLING ME OUT OF THE ZONE for every tiny thing!

She:
"... can you make me a coffee"

Me:
"sure babe"

What i actually want to say:
"Its a fucking one button machine, do it yourself you lazy shit. And it takes me half an hour to go back this deep! Isnt it enough that i did all house chores made you dinner and took the dog out after working for 8 hours streight. You better give me some attention later tonight, since you should have more then enough power after sleeping all day! If i would at least get a compliment... GIVE ME COMPIMENTS."

Have you ever considered getting yourself an android?

She's your wife. You should be able to do things for her. I understand that you hate getting pulled out of the zone, and it annoys me as well when people do that, but you still shouldn't get mad.

I'm sure you've also interrupted her when she was in her zone. She's probably done so much for you already.

It still can get worst. ..with kids. ;)

@Michelle that is really not how it works. I sure as hell don't bother my wife when she is busy and I know it. But she will ask me to do a number of things when I am in my office.

I seriously believe that there is something genetically coded into heterosexual women that makes them unable to let their significant others concentrate on things. Its likex it upsets them.

I have dated enough to be considered a womanizer, and this trait was present on all test subjects.

Normally it would be as simple as "babe, I am really busy right now, could you please do the coffee instead?" But for some reason unknown to straight males this seems like enough reason to be upset. Even if we took care of all house chores and the kids already.

@DataJockey booooi u don't know how right you are.

@paranoidAndroid to make them more realistic they already come with nagging capabilities. They cannot be reprogrammed.

@Michelle Like said i do a lot of things for my wife and i really love her but some requests of her are very badly timed. For reference the only thing she needs to do for me is taking the dog out in the morning. I do 90% of the household.

@Pseudonymous true words my man. True words.

Sadly, some women will not see that. Genetics man. Far more powerful than we think.

@AleCx04 that's not a woman thing. not in my opinion at least.

communication is key, just talk about it.

@AleCx04 "subjects", bit creepy.

@Hammster but I think that’s your choice to live like that. You allowed her to interrupt you. She doesn’t respect your work. That’s your fault. And I know what I’m saying - 12yrs of marriage here... Talk with her, calmly, about that. People tends to forget to talk to each other these days.

"Give me complements"
https://youtu.be/zi8ShAosqzI

Don't say yes when you want to say no. You're resentful for not being assertive.

@marthulu i wish

@LynxMagnus that qualifies as creepy for ya? Welcome to the interwebs I guess.

I get it you think it’s sweet when I do it, even though you can do it your self. But ffs I work 60 hrs a week to put a roof over our heads!

I think the real rant isn't against your wife, but against whatever societal influences made you think that not being assertive and dominant in your relationship would be a perfectly fine strategy.
Obviously not every person and every relationship is identical, but you obviously are unhappy, and your partner isn't flourishing either. Time to change things up.

@AleCx04 internet or not referring to your past partners as subjects is a bit creepy. Like test subjects or something you can dominate.

Perhaps she wants you to spend time with her, or maybe she just wants to know you're willing to pause what you're doing for her. Communication is key, talk to her and let her know. Then ask her to do the same. Just like how we cannot read their minds, so do they. The book Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars helped me and my wife a lot but even with that book communication is key. Just talk

So many relatable points regarding my previous relationship.

@Pseudonymous do you know or have you asked her why it makes her upset? Does she believe that by you trying to talk to her that you are trying to change her hence she feels like she is under attack? She must understand that it's a 2way street and both parties must be willing to compromise for the other

@LynxMagnus saying test subjects its a joke bud, not a dick, so don't take it so hard. Also saying that tech stuff is arousing is also creepy yet I understand figures of speech....so don't go on white kingthing because I used the term test subjects.

@lurker not a clue what you are trying to say there bud.

@Pseudonymous let them calm down first, so the emotion is less strong. but if you want to communicate rationally, and the other person will not do that, why be together.

@AleCx04 maybe you attract the wrong kind of person, or you are attracted to the wrong kind of person lol

@AleCx04 wasn't taking it hard at all, just trying to help you relate to women better :-)

Ahhhh, yes, I feel ya, brother...

Love her to bits... But damn, literally get no time at all to be on my code at home... And we don't even have kids yet...

@marthulu or maybe....juuuuust maybe there are traits that are present on every member of our species.

@lurker oh man. I dunno about that. There were a lot of em.

@lurker there really was no sampling bias since I sure as shit did not dated to get to that conclussion :P but i see your point.

@Pseudonymous mirroring what @marthulu said, then why be together? This relationship will nurture bad emotions within the two of you until you explode

@lurker thanks bud. But I certainly know what biased input mean. At this point I will just conclude on you not having any quantifiable sense of humor and let you have this. I can only feel bad for whoever really takes certain comments so seriously. Now, go on and take this entire thread to whatever girl you cannot reach in the hope of white knighting your way into her pants.

You desserve that much bud :)

Holaholahola...

First off people pull me out of the zone independent of bias, age, gender, race or social standard. Nothing about genetics. For example bazillion meetings.

Second i love my wife like she is, even though i dislike some behaviors of her. Its not a bad thing to do her such favor, but its also not bad to think negativly about it.

I mean how the fuck would this community exist without thinking negative about things. So i hope we all had opportunity to went off some steam and can make the coffee for our beloved partnes ;)... and then run back to our also beloved zone

@irene
It's not an excuse.

She's his wife, which means he loves her, which also means he wouldn't mind doing things for her, and she shouldn't mind doing things for him.

I love my younger sister more than anything! And you already know from Discord, she's the bossiest and more lazy person ever.

I do get annoyed that she orders me every 5 minutes, but I do things for her anyways because I love her.

@Michelle you are 100% right. We do stuff for our significant others because we love them. Will never disagree with ya on that. But, I mean, level with us a lil bit ;___; if we is busy then maybe and just maybe they can do such things themselves. You know how hard it is to get back to the 7th circle of matrix hell when you are in the zone!

@AleCx04
I probably wouldn't understand, because I've learned to get back into the zone quickly after being interrupted. As the eldest, I get called and ordered all the time by parents and siblings. I also get interrupted by others outside my family. I get emails from publishers and agents (usually rejections or newsletter subscription things) and phone calls from scammers. I also have online friends messaging me all the time non stop.

Because of this, I've learned to resume shortly after being interrupted. It's annoying, but I'm used to it, so it is no longer an issue.

Nonetheless, I could still sympathize with how you all feel. If you can learn to resume quick, that's amazing! If not, then I'm sorry you were interrupted in the first place. It does suck when people can't understand that work = no distractions.

@irene i love her now too xD I think you interpret too much into my rant. My wife and i share so much, we can trust each other and can count on us. Something silly like getting interupted is just a anoyance and nothing fatal.

For reference my dog also does pull me out of the zone when she wants to go for a walk. Still love my little furball though especially since she sleeps on my desk or lap like a cat when i code. And @Michelle is pretty accurat with her story too, for me in my youth my mother had me do all things after school and it was hard as hell to concentrate on code. My solution to this was just saying yes and ignorung her. But thats not so healthy in a relationship, which is why i need to find a quick way back to the zone :P

@Hammster I've that problem with my parents.
They don't seem to understand when I am programming or learning for an exam that I am going to write in a few days. They keep opening the ducking door, wanting me to do this and that (would take me between 1 - 3 hours - shopping and other stuff like being the chauffeur). They just have no ducking respect.

@gitpull this is a reason to get a cheap flat asap once you reache the age to have one. Parents rarely have a developers mind nor do they understand how learning has changed. I did this and me and my mother have a great relationship ever since. After moving out she finally understood that i can make my own decisions and even though she still tried i did not let hery babysit me.

@Hammster the thing is that our culture isn't open to that.
Like you must be in the same house until you are marrying someone lol

@irene Nope. I have to get married or I need to be very old.

I don't want to marry a girl either. So rip me haha

@irene I will maybe do that one day. I'm between 19 and 22 years old. What I want to say is that I have lots of time ahead. It'd be too early to go move out rn.

@irene hmmm

This is why a dedicated work space is essential. Wether it is a coworking space or a home office.

Basically, there needs to be clear rules for when working/living happens.

You may be “in the house” but you are not “at home” you are “working” and everyone has to realize that you are not available when you are working.

This is even harder with kids because they really don’t understand, but any adult professional should be able to understand and accept this (even though it may hurt some feeling at first).

But in the end, if you don’t make the $$$ then you don’t pay your bill or have money to buy coffee.

So, when you work you WORK, and when you live you LIVE. But try not to mix the two.