Who else has troubles in relationship? It can’t be just me!

You won't have trouble if you don't have relationship.
*crying in corner

devastated

A relationship without trouble isn't a true relationship.

@const Being single isn't always bad. I enjoy eating ice cream at 3AM without pants on and also crying myself to sleep.

@starrynights89 😂, sometimes I feel safe when I see fucked up relationships. Peace.

@zlice Because it's becoming a sad truth to the matter.

If you never (and I'm not saying you should be constantly, but I mean like genuinely never) arguing with your partner, it just seems fishy. And I'd bet there's a 3rd party involved in the relationship.

@const I was in one for years in my 20's. Almost got married too. Her parents were bug nutty batshit crazy and that pretty much ended the whole affair.

You appreciate the life you have. Not saying I don't want to get married and have kids but there's value to patience.

@starrynights89 And value to freedom for that matter 🤷🏻‍♂️😂

Someone help me please. Every time we fight, my heart hurts terribly, I don’t know what to do.

We are living separately right now, I don’t know how to deal with that pain, it’s physical

It's a human thing. All human relationships have trouble, because we have do deal with different needs. This is also true for family, work, friends.

@uyouthe try https://ted.com/talks/...

@rEaL-jAsE tell me more, sir

🙋 was having troubles for too long so i left, thinking it'll be better.
Is it better now? Nope 🤣
I guess it'll be ... some day.

@uyouthe try leaving ...taking a break. When the frequency of fights increase too much. Just stay away and take a break.

@uyouthe Methinks you meant to tag github instead of girlfriend ;)

I'd say you also have to talk to eachother what bothers you. Doesn't matter how minor the thing is. If you constantly watch someone do the same things that annoys you, it can can build up and you might even overreact.

No woman no cry.

what relationships? you have to have one to encounter trouble

@starrynights89 the only good thing about being single ...no pants ever when you are home and there is never a bad time to order pizza :)

@zlice i am looking forward to that day ..for now fantasy will have to do

Geez, seeing all these "that's how relationships are" comments is honestly making me really sad. :( There are reasons that expressions like "Marry your best friend" exists. Mind you, I'm *not* saying that there aren't issues in a good relationship, but the key is how you approach and solve said issue together.

Being someone who was in a mutually verbally and mentally abusive relationship (also known as the toxic kind), and going into a new one that is the complete polar opposite I am confident enough to say that I known what I'm talking about.

It took a couple of years in this relationship for me to realize that we *do* have "fights", it's just not screaming and tossing shit, as was my previous definition of a fight. Compared to that the fights with my husband are at most mildly intense argumentations. We often end up cooling off for a few minutes and then talking about what the problem was and how to solve it. Most of the time it's just misunderstandings.

It's also not a coincidence that they say that communication is the most important thing a relationship and I think that applies to any relationship, but especially someone that you live together with, even if they're a roommate.

The biggest problems people seem to have are admitting their faults and apologizing, and daring to open up to each other without feeling fear or shame.

In a close relationship you need to learn how to "fight in a productive way", because neither of you *wants* to fight and be angry, right?

One relationship advice I've stumbled upon is just changing choice of words. Instead of saying "You said ___" or "You think that ___", saying "I *feel* like ___" or "To me it *feels* like ___".

The key is avoiding accusatory language and if you're too angry at the moment, please just take a moment to step aside and cool off, and *let your partner do so as well*, don't go after them just because you're "not done yet". It can wait, and it's probably for the better too.

@Alice ^ So much this. I had a best friend who helped me through the very rough breakup after above-mentioned horrible relationship. After half a year we realized that we had at some point started referring to each other as boyfriends, and now we're married with him having moved across the ocean to live with me. :)

This is why "friendzoning" is total BS, because if you were compatible on that level (or "meant to be together" if you prefer) it *will* happen, and it'll come naturally.

Never force romantic relationships, *ESPECIALLY* if you're on the track of marriage.

Let's try to not turn this into an argument about the "friendzone" concept though, that's it's own topic.

@Alice I know what you mean, seriously. Aside from being a trans person, I have other, mental health related stuff, some that I won't disclose here but severe depression is one of them (maybe also the one that's easiest to "handle"). I don't know what level on insanity compelled my husband to propose, but I can only figure that we're both at just the right wavelength for each other or something. That's a bit what I meant about the compatibility too.

That horrid relationship I mentioned, even though it ended catastrophically (and almost ended me in the process as well), that one did also start as a friendship. We just both refused to both admit our faults, and to bring up and solve our problems.

@Alice I forgot to mention that both my husband and I are, to some extent depending on your definition, demi as well or at least in that general area, so I'm feeling you there too. We're both attracted to personalities, not bodies, and you don't get a feeling for someone's personality until you get to know them better.

@Alice And that's fine too, and you saying that actually reminds me a bit of one of my best friends who has similar problems to what you described with the anxiety.

The physical touch thing probably isn't as unusual as you might think, and a good friend, even if it's not a romantic relationship, will respect these things (even if it's something they can't fully grasp).

The friend I mentioned both identifies as non-binary and as being somewhere in the area of demi/ace. They have now gotten a diagnose (iirc) for anxiety disorder, and I know that they struggle with some OCD like symptoms to some extent as well, but also with physical stuff similar to what you mentioned.

As a generally cuddly and huggy person this isn't stuff I understand, but just like I wouldn't feed a gluten-intolerant friend pasta, I respect them and just make sure I ask for permission before I go ahead and hug them and such.

@Alice Continuing above comment:

This has made them feel a lot more safe and confident in telling me upfront things like "I don't really want hugs or anything today" or just "I'm a bit socially tired now and would like to hang up" (if we're on the phone). When they started doing that I became so damn proud, more than I'd dare to tell them, because I know that they have an irrational fear (because of the anxiety, their own words) of being disliked or hated, so they're terrified of telling people "no". That, or when they decide to initiate conversation after a long period of not talking to each other, since that anxiety makes them feel like "Oh no, I haven't talked to this person in forever, they must hate me." ... I'm gonna make myself cry now because I'm so fucking proud of them. XD

My point is that there are friends that get it, and focus on that before partners. Best friends are invaluable.

@Alice My first thought then is that that's something (kind of tying back into the topic of the post) that requires communication. Sometimes putting things in a way like I did with the gluten intolerance can make it easier to grasp. The resolution of that conversation might be what lets you know whether they're a "*really* good friend" or just a "good friend" (or even just a "friend").

If this conversation is getting a bit long-winded or a bit too personal we could hop over on discord instead if you'd like btw.

@Alice i can somewhat relate to you.

@Alice happy 93000!