You know what’s funny?

Companies say:

“We’re a family.”

Then schedule a “quick meeting” at 8:57 PM.

And somehow the “quick meeting” becomes:

* 14 new Jira tickets
* 3 “minor” production issues
* one database migration
* and a motivational speech about “ownership”

Meanwhile the production server is held together by:

* one Stack Overflow answer from 2017
* an environment variable nobody understands
* and a senior developer named Raj who disappeared two months ago but whose code still controls authentication somehow.

My favorite part?

When management says:
“We need to move faster.”

Brother.
The backend API still has functions named:
`finalFinal_v2_REAL.js`

We are not moving fast.
We are archaeologists.