How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. It's a hardware problem.

1, stop being an ass and fix it.

This is my scrum master.

“Why did you change a light bulb? Did you finish your sprint tasks yet? Stop hurting the sprint velocity for the stuff that IT can do.”

“But my laptop won’t turn on? I can’t do my job and didn’t want to wait to take 3 days to do something I could do in an hour?”

“You really need to reconsider your commitment to the team”