1737

*Now that's what I call a Hacker*

MOTHER OF ALL AUTOMATIONS

This seems a long post. but you will definitely +1 the post after reading this.

xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that.

xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy"

xxx: You're gonna love this

xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login.

xxx: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help", "trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time".

xxx: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well/gonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am.

xxx: (and the oscar goes to) fuckingcoffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens an SSH session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has SSHD up and running) and sends some weird gibberish to it. Looks binary. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk.

xxx: holy sh*t I'm keeping those

Credit: http://bit.ly/1jcTuTT

The bash scripts weren't bogus, you can find his scripts on the this github URL:
https://github.com/narkoz/...

Comments
  • 67
    have seen this. nice story tho 😉
  • 25
    Ahahah I love it, you were right aha
  • 35
    @gururaju

    This has to be my favorite post so far! The guy is an animal 😂😂😂

    Thanks for sharing
  • 16
    @androso +1'd you just because the number becomes a palindrome (1001) haha
  • 14
    Oldie but Goldie 👌🏻😄
  • 11
    I've have been looking for such a Sensei.

    Dammnnn its great!!!!
  • 6
    Holy shit
  • 12
    Seen it. It was funny the first time i read it
  • 7
    Nice scripts. Hate the repost tho
  • 11
    I use the Nexmo API to automate some communication with my wife. Saves a bunch of time.
  • 8
    Definitely a repost
  • 10
    I always thought this was a myth
  • 14
    I would have +1d if you wouldn't have said I'll deffinitely +1.
  • 6
    m gonna write a script to send random msgs to my gf..
  • 16
    This guy is my hero, I aspire to achieve this level of automation
  • 6
    @vivek7 if you use android tasker works pretty good for this
  • 11
    The original story is from a Russian site - http://bash.im/index?text=kumar. The GitHub you're referring to are just proof-of-concept scripts, apparently. The whole story might be completely made up, but it's entertaining anyway :)
  • 8
    @Neftas did you even read till the end, I've added the credits to the source. Which explains everything what you are trying to tell.
  • 4
    @lunarkittie this isn't a human
  • 4
    @anyhus smack-my-bitch-up.sh...!! 😁
  • 4
    @lunarkittie that one was clever but it's title kinda felt really wrong lol. I thought kumar-asshole.sh and fucking coffee.sh were legendary though, also just like who is this lol who are they
  • 1
    I must learning shell script
  • 2
    It's just....
  • 1
    this guy is a fucking genius
  • 3
    any clue on the model of coffee maker? Work is looking for a new one right now...
  • 1
    Been leeching off this repo for a little over a year now. I come back to it when I want a few chuckles and some motivation.
  • 1
    That is awesome. Makes me want to go and hack our kettle!
  • 3
    Some day when this guy dies alone in his flat, no one will notice the difference. Poor guy. 😅
  • 1
    I already clone that repo so I could call my own. :D
  • 2
  • 1
    all i can say is WOW
  • 1
    @fireflies yeet I jus felt like coome menting swoomthing
    Tis is a joke plz dont take srsly
  • 3
    okay, we found real life gilfoyle, lol.
  • 2
    I'm downloading those. ++'d
  • 1
    Bash is a blessing
  • 3
    I was trying to find the part where he rolls the system to the latest back up after checking for Kumar's mails, but it's not there. I suppose they removed it intentionally.
  • 1
    I must be learning shell script...
  • 1
    > you know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown

    I feel attacked.
  • 1
    # Wondering
    Ok now can we post `markdown` here?

    ```
    Ok looks like we cant. Im no terminal guy but I'd rant devrant for this
    ```
  • 0
    Repost but I still love it
  • 0
    have seen this. nice story tho
  • 0
    The last script was awesome
  • 0
    @warhammer327 First thing that came to my head, I envision the guy looking like Gilfoyle
  • 0
    Can I have them as well? They seem to be useful!
  • 0
    Nice one :D
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