“Dear Manager, the reason I didn’t complete my sprint task today was that while I was nursing my fiancé’s COVID vaccine severe side effects, said fiancé’s Chinese roommate put a jar of some fermented product called “Golden Smell” in a precarious place from which I broke it, causing a veritable golden shower of glass shards and odors to permeate the workspace. If you don’t hear from me by standup, tell my mom i’m sorry."