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Here’s what to do. No. 1 Ditch the bitch she is obviously fucking playing you. The longer she stays the longer it will eat you up. If you can’t trust her what exactly do you have?
No.2. Put your head down and figure out the work shit, put in extra hours. You can do it, in a couple of months you will wonder why you were so insecure.
No.3. Smoking is a losers game (no offence to smokers).
No.4 You will be a better you and a more confident you. You’ll no doubt get a new gf. and one that fucking respects you.
good luck -
@b2plane Yeah I see, that's why I tell you to stop. Duuh.
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@b2plane you seriously think your situation is comparable to that picture? that's narcissistic
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@b2plane I understand you're having a hard time and I wish better for you but come on
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@jestdotty that's not at all what I was saying
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@b2plane well played
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@jestdotty ok whatever you say
Thinking to start smoking 🚬
Never tried it once in 26 years not even a sip even refused temptations from school friends
Now by starting a job, i have no security, ironically. I feel like i stepped at the leap of a bottomless pit and tomorrow i jump into it and fall... and fall....and fall..... No end.
I have no idea how to use ansible and rexify.org and thats what I'll need to use. I have no idea how to do devops with Azure, and thats what ill do. I only build devops with terraform on Aws.
The unknown of 9-5 is frightening me more than starting a business. Paradoxically, i think it would come as a relief to get fired within the first week from failing to complete literally everything
On top of that my blonde gf disappeared yesterday for 3-4 hours. No texts no phone calls. Called for 2 times no answer. Called 3rd time and got a voice message the phone was shut down. 3-4 hours later she said she was with mom at shopping and didnt have internet
I also caught her texting some random guy on instagram. They both have vanish mode enabled (texts delete themselves as soon as you leave the conversation). Confronted her today. She wont tell me the truth. Likes his pics on ig. Keeps lying. On a question "why do you have vanish mode enabled with him?" her answer is "well i guess married men always use vanish mode"
Im tired
Too much shit unraveling. The opening of 2024 already doesnt look good
Why do good people die in accidents or diseases but i dont and i live? Shits unfair. Why doesnt nature/God fucking kill me? I beg to die. I hope to die. I pray for something to kill me. It would come as such a relief.
This life is meaningless and empty to me. typeof(life) yields a void. I dont value it. Its shit. Whether succeed or fail its meaningless. Nihilism was right
I am literally a walking dead. Physically moving but spiritually dead. Mentally lost. I am the captain of a ship in the middle of the ocean who no longer knows where the ship is going
Why cant i just get cancer or something. Can cigarettes help me get it? Cause I'll start consuming that shit right away to speedrun that process
End it
rant