Too many “helpful” people, as well as counselors, said the wrong things to me early on. These people https://loveawake.com/free-online-d... really do not understand the harm they heap upon the injured. I am convinced that our second marriage counselor was a cheater himself. He talked A LOT about himself, bragged about his education (narcissist), mentioned his stepkids often, and drove something that screamed midlife crisis (same as my cheating husband).

<p><img src="https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2016/..." width="880"></p>

Yeah, pretty sure he was a cheater living in a second marriage. Only saw that counselor twice, but I got the feeling his main purpose was to defend the guilty (when he wasn’t talking about himself). Kept saying we needed to make sure our children did not look at the cheating husband in a bad light. Huh? Had he not listened to anything we said? I had already told him of how I suffered from the Gaslighting (even though I didn’t know that term at the time).

My husband had convinced me, our children, extended family, and his coworkers that I was insane. I had been spinning in a state of confusion for the last six months of the affair, knowing he had to be cheating, but being made to question my sanity. Our two adult sons came to me repeatedly during the affair to scold me for my behavior during our 24 year marriage. I would just cry and didn’t know what to say to them. He never gaslighted our younger daughter directly, but he did lure her away from me, with movie dates, trips to concerts and theme parks. If I pressed to go, he would tell me things like, you don’t enjoy those things, or we can’t afford a third ticket, but you can take her instead of me if you like. Of course, I always backed down. He knew I would. Wow, he makes well into six figures, and I bought that?! Maybe I WAS crazy. It was as though he was playing single dad while still living with and sleeping with his wife. My daughter and I had always been close before this. And he would conduct horrible screaming fights right in front of her. I would stand there confused, because it felt like the heat level did not match the situation.

I had known this man most of my life, and I did not recognize him. To this day, I am angry with myself for withdrawing and not taking action sooner. I know that my relationship with my children will never, ever be the same. This selfish man destroyed the innocents, destroyed what had been a close-knit family. So yeah, that is what our cheating-man counselor should have been talking about. In our situation, the betrayed spouse needed reputation repair, not the cheater. The kids needed to see that I did not cause their father to stray. And I needed serious mental health counseling. I am still furious at that counselor. Waste of money. He owes us a $200 refund!