#ShittyStartupIdeas

So there I was, maintaining our rock-solid Java 7 codebase, older than this Gen Z intern who still thinks floppy disks are 3D-printed save icons.

First day in, he’s like, “Bro, let’s rewrite this in Next.js! Microservices! Serverless! AI!”

Son, this code has been running longer than your TikTok attention span. It doesn’t need scaling, it needs to keep working.

But nooo, he wants TypeScript. He wants to Dockerize a Hello World. He saw a YouTube tutorial and now thinks Java is dead.

I asked, "Why do we need microservices?"

Silence. Blank stare. You could hear a single thread in our monolith peacefully executing a transaction.

Then he mumbled something about "scalability" and "modern architecture"—like we’re running a billion-dollar SaaS, not a POS that’s been happily running since the Nokia ringtone era.

Microservices? Buddy, our biggest spike is the Sunday brunch buffet reservations when the retirees remember they have grandkids. Sit down.

Liferay should be renamed as Deathray. Tbvh that thing is so shit that it takes a lifetime to deploy, 1 nano second to crash, and an eternity to debug.