Programming facts #2

Tech Support Cheat Sheet

Windows being windows

If programming languages where weapons...

1. C is an M1 Garand standard issue rifle, old but reliable.

2. C++ is a set of nunchuks, powerful and impressive when wielded but takes many years of pain to master and often you probably wish you were using something else.

3. Perl is a molotov cocktail, it was probably useful once, but few people use it

4. Java is a belt fed 240G automatic weapon where sometimes the belt has rounds, sometimes it doesn’t, and when it doesn’t during firing you get an NullPointerException, the gun explodes and you die.

5. Scala is a variant of the 240G Java, except the training manual is written in an incomprehensible dialect which many suspect is just gibberish.

6. JavaScript is a sword without a hilt.

7. Go is the custom made “if err != nil” starter pistol and after each shot you must check to make sure it actually shot. Also it shoots tabs instead of blanks.

8. Rust is a 3d printed gun. It may work some day.

9. bash is a cursed hammer, when wielded everything looks like a nail, especially your thumb.

10. Python is the “v2/v3” double barrel shotgun, only one barrel will shoot at a time, and you never end up shooting the recommended one. Also I probably should have used a line tool to draw that.

11. Ruby is a ruby encrusted sword, it is usually only used because of how shiny it is.

12. PHP is a hose, you usually plug one end into a car exhaust, and the other you stick in through a window and then you sit in the car and turn the engine on.

13. Mathematica is a low earth orbit projectile cannon, it could probably do amazing things if only anyone could actually afford one.

14. C# is a powerful laser rifle strapped to a donkey, when taken off the donkey the laser doesn’t seem to work as well.

15. Prolog is an AI weapon, you tell it what to do, which it does but then it also builds some terminators to go back in time and kill your mom

All credits go to Vicky from damnet.com

I get it, you drink coffee!

Fact:
Every programmer knows how to write bugs.

Petition to display upvotes as hex.

I'm going to get message from the NSA for posting this. 😂😂

That really got me xD

Credit goes to /r/ProgrammerHumor
/u/h313

When back-end engineers get excited about something.

I now feel like a hacker.
Double tap a comment or rant to upvote.
But when you already upvoted, rants will open but comments will do nothing.
Just found out, am I just the one who didn't knew this? Tell me in the comments below!

Everyday i used to spend an hour in the morning reading emails.

Until i made a script that reads all mails, parses to urgent/priorities/meetings etc. Then shows me a dashboard of everything. 1 hr turned to 20mins max.

Then i made a chatbot out of it and now i just talk to it everytime and gives me the rundown.

Gave me so much time to code instead of reading fucking emails.

I deleted a production folder for a laugh. 😂

Eliminate negativity from your code via @tojiro with this...

The most useful utility I've ever seen 😮

Why software aren't free!

"Please disable AdBlock to view the content."

No. I'll just leave. Bye.

Nothing beats the " whiteboard "

Thanks Microsoft

Eeeeks

"Hold this. I'm gonna patch up this bug"

We don't support Internet Explorer!

Windows user will understand!

#office 😂

I get nervous every time I go on highway 401 and 404 in Toronto area. Cuz I feel like I'm either on the wrong highway or the highway doesn't exist. If y'all know what I mean, feel how I feel😜

Stephen Hawking has just under 70k followers on Twitter. Kim Kardashian has just under 50 million followers. This realization really pissed me off - most humans are just idiots.

Little did he know…

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE !!!!

and i only need one more upvote to get a stress ball !

Every time I type "pubic" instead of "public"

Windows 9 uses IPv5