Coworker in my team recently said to boss:

"Thanks, this conversation with you has taught me so much about single-threaded blocking I/O"

Some random PR comments from our company's repository:

"Are you insured? I hope you are insured"

"Learning git is not that difficult. You only need one command: git reset --hard"

*Link to amazon for dog poop bags*
"Please clean up your shit, before I step in it"

"Have you thought about a career in sales? At least there you might sell your bullshit"

OMFG HOW CAN SOMEONE FUCK A PROJECT SO HARD IN TWO WEEKS???

I struggled for 6 months to keeps a minimal pattern and logic throughout the project between tight deadlines and changed scopes, but in two weeks they managed to literally shit on top of it and now I have to fix this bullshit?

Oh boy...I really don't know if I fucking scream, punch someone or rage quit.

I've got 99 problems and all of them are priority one.

[3:18 AM] Me: Heya team, I fixed X, tested it and pushed to production. Lemme know what you think when you wake up.
[6:30 AM] Me: Yo, I just checked X and everything is peachy. Let me know if it works on your end.
[9:14] Colleague A: Whoop! Yeah! Awesome!
[9:15] Boss: Nice.
[9:30] A: X doesn't work for me.
Me: OK, did you do M as I told you.
A: yes
Me: *checks logs and database, finds no trace of M*
Me: A, you sure you did M on production? Send me a sreenshot plz.
A: yeah, I'm sure it's on production.
Me: *opens sreenshot, gets slapped in the face by https://staging.app.xyz*
Me: A, that's staging, you need to test it on production.
A: right, OK.
[10:46] A: works, yeah! Awesome, whoop!
[10:47] Boss: Nice.
Me: Ok! A, thanks for testing...
Me: *... and wasting my time*.
[10:47:23] Boss: Yo, did you fix Y?
Courageous/snarky me: *Hey boss, see, I knew you'd ask this right after I fixed X knowing that I could not have done anything else while troubleshooting A's testing snafu since you said 'Nice' twice. So, yesterday, I cloned myself and put me to work in parallel on Y on order fulfill your unreasonable expectations come morning.*
Real me: No, that's planned for tomorrow.

Said it before and saying it again: FUCK YOU XCODE! This shit keeps on crashing 😒

https://devrant.io/rants/558740/...

My life as an ios developper

I just fixed a bug with the ticketname "Sometimes, There is a strange behaviour when opening the app on some devices"
Feeling heroic now

One thing I HATE about my job is dealing with customers, unfortunately they seem to be quite a vital part of the business

Currently our companies website is being attacked and we're getting a 500 error and the FTP servers are down. Everyone is panicking. Little do they know that I just rebooted the server and already sent out a notice of this happening and will be back online. People are chanting for my death outside my cubical with fire and pitch forks. HURRY UP AND FINISH REBOOTING SERVER!!!1!!

Combo box to select numbers.
On mobile.
Between 0-9999.
Unsorted.

Good luck!

When CS professors are lazy to grade so they think they can just give you any grade without you questioning them...

Me: Hi Professor, I see I got a 94 out of 100 on my 2nd project. Your comments said, some of my functions didn't pass your junit test cases.

Prof: Yes!

Me: How come? I tested it several times before submitting and they all passed the test cases. You gave us the test cases to write the code for.

Prof: Yeah, but some of your functions aren't passing on mine.

Me: Since I'm in your office, can you please run it again so I can see?

Prof: Are you doubting me? I gave you the project and I'm telling you they're not passing my test cases.

Me: I just want to make sure because I did work really hard on this project to pass all the test cases. *Runs the code to show him on my laptop and they all pass*

Prof: Fine, let's run it together on mine again. *He runs it and they all pass on his laptop*..hmm, that's weird. They didn't pass when I ran them. Maybe, because of the IDE I used earlier.
Well, looks like you get your 100.

Me: Thank you but which IDE did you ran it in that failed? Just wondering..🤔

Prof: Doesn't matter now...they're passing. Just be ready for your next project...you guys will be writing the test cases yourself this time..

Are you ready to get my up vote
Yes I'm ready to get your up vote

I just missee my exit off the subway because I was scrolling devRant -.-'

Just spent the whole day rewriting a 5,000 line function with variables like num55 or num287. These variables constantly get re-used for different purposes and overwritten at will.

Everything is now broken. Including my spirit.

GF away, playing with my son the whoole weekend :)

How to break a chatbot (well done).

"Shit, did we just send that notification to everyone?" - some dev, probably

ruthless executor I want a job not to attack a country. 😂😁

Interviewer: (on the phone) do you know what SQL injection is?

Me: Are you a cop?

Account guy saw me coding...

account guy: so you type a lot.. how can you remember so much??

me: ??

account guy: I mean there is NO LOGIC in what you do, so you must read these things and type them here... you need to remember a lot.. right??

me: ohh... that... well.. I have very good memory :)

p.s. last line was sarcasm