that face when no cute autistic gf 😔

ClownStrike 🤡

Each day DevRant seems to be closer to being overrun with ads, many to scammy crypto services.
The question that won't rest, though, is this:
In THIS social network is anyone so naive or just plain stupid enough to fall for ANY of those scams? Or actually buy any of the crappy services?!?

Congratulate me! My facebook account turned 15 years, and to celebrate it I've requested for it to be deleted 🎉🎊
Next stop: instagram

Inside Microsoft Palo Alto, the office where only women work: a surgery! The kidney is a frag grenade.
Left to right: white coat, black coat holds kidney (frag), a girl in “sleep” T-shirt, a girl that holds a gun. Meanwhile, my gun’s barrel was made from that fridge flexible magnet material. I fixed it using rainworms as glue.

Now we’re entering my uni teacher’s brain, trying to make her give me a passing grade, all while she sings.
It’s just two of us here. Inside her, we fuse into one. Now we sing too:
🎵 We are Scottish — 🎵
🎵 A batshit crazy thing to be, 🎵
🎵 Trying to be normal 🎵

Xiaomi made a torture device for home that was quite popular in Kazakhstan.

Some people really deserve a high-five.

On the face.

With a chair.

My school love. While she was laying on my bed inside two giant wallets — one for the head and one for the body — she explained the following:
- how to find the nearest McDonald’s when McDonald’s ceases to exist
- how to do a super long jump in Nintendo DS Pokémon games
- why a person turned into blur usually achieves more

Tonight I will delete the data of 10M of records of personal data after the inspection of the Data Protection Authority.

A fun fact about Yuri Gagarin's flight:
Before the flight, it was not yet known how the human psyche would behave in space, so a special protection was provided to prevent the first cosmonaut from trying to control the ship's flight or damage the equipment in a fit of madness. To enable manual control, he had to open a sealed envelope, inside which lay a sheet with a mathematical problem, the solution of which gave the code for unlocking the control panel.

Schizophrenia is death without Iife

two unread emails:
- from HR: please fill out our anonymous survey
- from Boss: don't forget about the survey, HR said you are the last one from our team

Hey, @dfox

Is there anything we can do to help?
We miss you, and we want to keep devRant alive too.

I've shifted from writing nested ifs to writing early returns. Feels great.

You killed or exiled those who wanted a peaceful change. Now welcome people with flamethrowers.

election period always makes me cynical (more cynical than I already am that is).

Apocalyptic fantasies are indulgent because they suggest a catastrophe that might end the world. The dull reality is that the world doesn't end, and you just have to go about your life with a new standard.

For everyone out there battling with any severe addiction, I hope you bounce back and never fall again.

The floor is java

If you're a PO; Please don't make the sprint review take almost 2 hours. Put it in text, make tickets, make roadmap and show it me that way. I've forgotten 90% of the meeting by the time I speak to you in the next daily.

I hate meetings. Waste of fucking time, especially when all you do is listen to what the PO wants for 1 hour and then both sides forget it the next day.
Use-fucking-less.

Today I have no meetings! 🎉🍾

for all that WFH : most of us had sex during work hours, does this make us a porn stars?

should I add it to my resume... what else can I put while in this thought field?

Hey guys, you won't believe what happaned to me, I left my laptop open in a hacker coffee shop and went to take a piss, and when I returned I fou d out that someone stole all my crypto CockRingCoin 😭😭 I lost a million and a half Shekels but then remembered my brother has a cousin who knows a lawyer who's wife is a friend with a wolf who knows a real matrix hacker who can hack CIA using only his toes, I contacted him and you wouldn't believe it but he got all of my cock coins back to me, I don't know what I would've done without him. If anybody needs help recovering crypto I can more than reccomend my dear holy saviour LeHackerCockSucker
WhatsApp: +972-50-EATMYASS-0
Email: ciahacker@cock.gov

But then as I was happily looking at my crypto returned I notice a few payments I don't rwmember making, turns out, my wife was cheating on me! And using my crypto to buy her lover stuff!
So I contacted the afformentioned lawyer who's a friend of the cousin that my brother has, and he helped me file for divorce and punish my cheating wife, for anybody needing a marriage lawyer:
WhatsApp: +972-54-DeliciousPussy-6
Email: eatmypussy@lawyers.porn

I am now happily married with the wolf who's the friend of the lawyer's wife and he fucks me in the ass every night. If you want a good life like mine you know who to call.

government "digitalization" strategy

I’ve been making so many crochet things to give as gifts to coworkers during an offsite.

in your opinion, what is the most important feature of a programming language? For me it’s getting paid for using it.

Developer superstition, never say something is easy, fast or straightfoward.

It will take weeks to develop, months to test and debug and you will consider change jobs just to stay away of that code

figma balls

excel be like

‎ ‎ ‎

I am sometimes thankful for the stupidity that non tech people carry with themselves. It's because of them I can make money and survive.

When I was a kid, my dad was always busy. He is an orphan with next to inheritance and had to work really hard to send me to school. I don’t remember playing with him ever.

He is about to retire in a few years, so he gets some free time now, but now, I’m struggling too hard and don’t have time for anything random at all. The generation gap makes it impossible to share anything at all.

We don’t have any common interests, and don’t get to do stuff together.

Today, we built a mechanical keyboard together. 1 hour. I absolutely loved it.