A poem for git in git

This guy at my last internship. A windows fanboy to the fucking max!

He was saying how he'd never use anything related to Linus Torvalds because he hated him for creating Linux.

Two seconds later I saw him initializing a new git repo.

I was standing there like:

*should I tell him?*

😅😆

$ git init

Dear Indian Companies,

Why do you hire for a role and then say: "We dont have that role but then we want you to grow up to be a Generalist"!

6 years as a build, release and SCM guy at Moto and Nokia back then, I shifted to this big Indian IT corp coz Nokia was shutting down...

A week into my orientation (which is a crazy weirdness inducing ritual in and of itself), the new manager I'm supposed to be working with comes up and says- "Here's the code repo, there are 2 open jQuery issues, fix them!"

I'm not really sure what to say at this point because jQuery is nice and all but thats not who I am.. I'm the infra / DevOps guy. And this is circa 2012 when DevOps as a term was just hotting up...

Tell me to setup a multi-stage pipeline and automated test cycles, I'll do it drunk, but oh no! bug fixing on a jQuery script? Noooo!!!!! I just dont have the chops for it.

So long story short, I get reported to HR for insubordination - Yeah, Go Figure!

Cue: HR meeting
HR: You wont work?
Me: I cant work on jQuery. I am a sysadmin / devops guy... Give me a project that involves those skills and I'll work.
HR: But we hired you to work on jQuery.
Me: But you did not mention jQuery / UI / UX in the job description - Pulls up email and shows JD for interview which says Symbian, Build, Release, Configuration Management but NOT jQuery.
HR: ....
Me: :-/
HR: But we want you to be a generalist.
Me: #wtf
HR: We want an engineer to be able to do anything he is tasked with!
Me: Can I know my last working date here?

And thats how my career at a glorious IT corporation just went poof!

When I think back on it, I feel good that I chose to do what I wanted to get better at and what I loved working on...

And this is the problem with IT companies in our country - They play with people's aspirations and passions... To the point that all thats left of a software engineer is the looking forward to pay day so he can start the damn cycle all over again.

So this happened in my computer science class

Creepy guy trying to be cheesy (to this pretty girl): "you're like a ; to my code"
Girl: "we're studying python, bimbo"

(Whole class laughed)

Stages of learning angular js
1. Wtf
2. I think I get it.
3. Wtf

That frustration when you find the exact issue on Stack overflow unanswered.

That feeling when you get your first star on github library 😇

Wannabe college coder starter pack:
1) SUN Certified JAVA Programmer
2) W3Schools Certificate
3) I know all computer languages
4) I'm going to Join Google by the end of college.

Interviewer: So you worked with mysql?

Me: yes, for over 6 years

Interviewer: so, you know how to write queries?

OK, who's idea was it to make the midterm for a computer science course have only fill in the blank answers with automated grading? 🤔

How to check if a number is negative.

Fixed a two year old bug by deleting a bunch of code

Some bugs are really hard to find that I think we should call them flies...

Fuck web development 😫

Sooooo. I saw this.

This is what most people do... lol 😂😂😂😂 😂

Priority...

10 points for next century option.

Ghost in the Shell (2017)

Me: Do you know what DDOS stands for?
New hire: Distributed database operating system.

When the API is not documented.

Screw Emojis!!

Client asks how many days will it take to implement feature XYZ.

I say 3 days. But Skype had other plans.

HP you can go fuck yourself for the worlds poorest design.
Lets place a SLEEP key right next to Esc.
Naturally you reach for the top left key. Ive put my PC to sleep twice accidentally

That's a good one!

I have done it, I crashed Vim. 16 GB wordlist for password cracking

SSH as root

Changing numbers on CSS randomly until it works.

Aka, using magic numbers

Not writing tests.

Yes we exist.

URL shortening at it's best