life.exe infinite loop
thoughts.exe invalid pointer
heart: null reference
dreams.exe crash detected
motivation.exe offline
panic.exe buffer overflow
Soul.exe terminated
life.exe offline
energy.exe fatal exception
me: exists. --maybe world: buffering…
joy 0 bytes
patience.exe deleted
soul: error 418
me: offline

happiness[0] → array empty

just had my annual review. it felt like parsing a poorly formed JSON response.
{
"name": "Me",
"metrics_met": true,
"innovative_solutions": null,
"complex_problems_solved": undefined,
"mentorship_provided": null,
"overall_feedback": "excellent, good job, Keep up the good work."
}
all the real work—the late-night debugging, the patient mentoring of the junior dev, the architectural insight that saved us from a rewrite, it all just gets returned as null or undefined.
the system only has fields for the stuff that's easy to measure, not the stuff that actually matters. my career is being evaluated by a broken API.
i'm gonna start writing my own damn API documentation for my brain. at least then the payload would be accurate.

In Kotlin, I love sealed classes. They're beautiful. The compiler knows every possible subtype. When you use a when expression, it forces you to handle every single case. It's a closed, predictable, and exhaustive world. You can't have a random, unexpected state popping up at runtime.Then I look at my career. My path isn't a neat set of predefined subclasses like JuniorDev, SeniorDev, TeamLead. It's a chaotic mess of SideProjectThatBecameCritical, AccidentalSysAdmin, TemporaryScrumMaster, and ThatTimeIFixedThePrinter.The "when" expression of my professional life has a million unhandled branches and the compiler is screaming at me that there's no else block.
I just want a way to document all these weird, unexpected states so they look less like a series of runtime errors and more like a feature set.

Recently i feel like NPC especially when i go to sleep. I don't play games like that maybe the reason to blur the reality but i feel like an NPC within those hours.

How is it possible to be busy all day yet feel like time evaporated into a vacuum as if someone called delete(hours) but left not trace?

when you choose autopilot over intention for the 300th morning—is it really you choosing, or just a background thread running decision_maker.exe with cached preferences?

Seems my anxiety is a zombie process:
while(true) {
try {
await new Promise(() => {}); // waiting for meaning that never comes
} catch {
// nothing catches this searching and ..............
}
}

// tried killing it several times
const killAllProblems = () => {
console.log("kill -9 all_problems");
console.log("They just respawn.");
};
killAllProblems();

// No systemctl stop for this void:
const stopRealityService = () => {
console.log("systemctl stop reality.service");
console.log("Good luck.");
};
stopRealityService();

// What’s your command to unload the void?
const unloadVoid = () => {
console.log("systemctl mask emptiness.service");
console.log("But it’s still running in the kernel...");
};
unloadVoid();

My anxiety runs on an event loop:
while(alive) { overthink(); }
What’s your callback function to escape the void?
(Mine’s () => { orderDumplings(); })

Why does finishing tasks sometimes deepen the void instead of filling it—like appending data to an array that perpetually remains?