This *is* a question you silly wrong tagging mother fucker, how dare you doubt me?

Alright, no more disclaimer: I like dungeons and dragons, but it's too fucking much in terms of rules and systems and shit, as in just *making* a character can take a long ass while.

And if that's the highest level of all your ANAL preferences then OK, but I'm not you and things only come OUT of my ass, not inwards, I swear.

Anyhoo, I got fed up with it and wrote my own ruleset and setting as a last fuck you to everyone. It's very simple: if you want to be some kinky magical alien hermaphrodite royal prostitute half sewer dragon princess and three quarters bearded female incest child of demons and fairies then FINE, but you get no bonuses for that shit.

Get it? No complex racial level scaling bullshit, FUCK YOU, race and background is just for vibes, end of story.

You get no attribute or skills or shit to distribute on level one. All you get is a prompt: pick three actions, that's it. You wanna be sexy? Pick "seduce". You wanna set turds on fire? Pick "ignite". Are you an edge lord? Pick "summon". Would you be my wife? Pick "heal", "buff" and "smite".

The game is turn based, and each action you can take is effectively a spell. Everyone can cast a basic spell like walk, attack, talk, crouch, etcetera -- that costs no mana. Special crap like flying and firing fucking electricity costs mana, and you can only do those if you either picked the spell on level one or learnt it later from a book/tutor/demonic bargain/whatever.

Which spells are valid for taking at level one is up to the game master; I just tell people to pick three verbs or short sentences, and if they choose something that's too broken like "split the Red Sea" I'm like nah you're not Moses, try again.

Still with me? Good. You get eight points of health, four points of mana, and one point of stamina. They're all energy, and you can use it to power your magery, but spending all your health means you fucking die.

Stamina recharges fully every turn, and is used for the aforementioned basic actions. All of these cost one point of stamina each. If you run out of stamina, you can use mana. Or your BLOOD.

Level one spells cost one mana, level two cost two and so on. You get back one point of mana each turn, and you can fire all the spells you want during it, long as you have mana. Or BLOOD.

That's good and all, but if you spend anywhere over eleven combined points of energy in one go, you spontaneously combust and die, erasing all signs of life in a twenty-meter radius. This is called incineration, and it *will* leave behind a blackened crater from which the dark servants of the Horror Immemorial may or may not crawl out of.

In case you didn't guess by now, your blood doesn't fucking come back unless you eat, sleep or see a healer.

But anyway, the more points you spend into casting a spell -- and remember, basic attack counts as a spell -- the more powerful it is, so the bigger your diceroll can get. My rule is I add one dice for every fourth point of energy spent, so (1d4), (1d4 + 1d6), (1d4 + 1d6 + 1d8), incineration.

Additionally, for every three points of energy spent, your spell can hit one more target. That's right, you like AoE? Then spend more mana, bitch. Oh, and if you're using shit like poison it lasts one more turn for every two points of energy spent.

How do we calculate damage? Diceroll over two and fuck your mother. Armor class? Resistances? Out of my face with that shit. Damage reduction is called "tyranny" and is for dungeon bosses only.

If you live long enough to get to level two, you *do* get attributes. Pick:
- Grit: +2 health, +1 to fighter shit type rolls.
- Cunning: +2 mana, +1 to rogue shit type rolls.
- Allure: +1 stamina, +2 to wizard shit type rolls.
- Spirit: +1 to elemental shit type spells.
- Faith: +1 to benefactor paragon asshole shit type spells.
- Hatred: +1 to demonic murder hobo destructive shit type spells.

On second level, you can pick one of the spells you know to get +1 to it, specifically. Eh, "+1" just means you get a bonus to some diceroll, no time to explain I'm running out of characters what the fuck.

On level three, the cycle repeats. Pick attr, pick spell. DONE.

Oh right, and weapons. Mostly just vibes, pick your fancy and fuck off. Normally, you can hit things one tile away; if you have a BIG melee weapon you can hit from *two* tiles away, and if you have a ranged weapon you can shoot anyone in sight, but you need to spend one point of energy to reload.

And there, all bases covered in less that 5000 characters with some flair to spare, now suck my fucking cock Hasbro.

What was the question? Oh yeah right, I'm gonna GPL this shit and put it in browsers. I think I'm going to write it in Kotlin but I'm open to suggestions. Would you guys like to play it/contribute to it's development for shits and giggles?

  • 2
    Your system is broken as fuck.

    Arguably the most important system in DnD combat is action economy, which you are allowing even up to 12 actions in a turn, which is pure bullshit.

    If you don't want the fuckery of DnD 5, you can always play something like Pathfinder which cuts down much of that by virtue of hardly ever letting you level past 6.
  • 0
    @CoreFusionX It's more like combining spell effects rather than taking multiple actions. And twelve is very much "anywhere over eleven", so nope, the whole party dies if you do that.

    But let's try it: I fire eleven stacks of shock. At level one, without bonuses, (1d4+1d6+1d8)/2 means 9 points of damage at best, in exchange for all my mana, stamina and over half my health. If I'm *not* so lucky, it's 1.5 points of damage, but the price remains the same.

    If I cast one or two stacks instead, it's (1d4)/2, so 2 damage at best, but 0.5 at worst, and it's sustainable to boot. Compare that to the previous gamble.

    But what if I'm level 24 and dumped all my points into stamina? Well, no one who's tried it thus far has lived for that long. But let's say a miracle happens: could I chain eleven basic atacks every turn? Yes. 1.5 to 9 base damage, hitting up to 3 enemies. But anyone could in turn kill me by sneezing.

    Hold on, I need another comment...
  • 1
    I would say that the point of it is, PRECISELY, that you can study the system and the available spells, and from it cast the one very specific combination that breaks the universe like WKUK fetus beer.

    Casting such broken shit is possible, but costly, and it really sucks if you mess up: at best you do miserable damage for the highest cost, and at worst you drop a nuke on yourself.

    The combined energy spent can also go over the limit if, for instance, you fire something at me and I try to reflect or absorb it. If I spend too much, I trigger incineration and everbody dies.

    Or if you buff yourself too much, and I light a spark -- BOOM. Incineration. The "spent" energy, and the danger of spending too much, don't just vanish once your turn ends.

    It's my bad because I forgot to detail too much how one doesn't just spend the maximum allowed amount of energy without consequence. Magic is dangerous, and you can't fuck around. That's the game!
  • 0
    ** 11th degree spells can target up to 4 enemies, not 3. Also my bad ;>
  • 0
    reminds me of that one xkcd, where they determine that all the available standards are shit, and they decide to create yet another standard.
  • 2
    you're using this post to theory craft content aren't you

    *copies everything into a shitty video game*

    who even thinks of content

    oh I just read the end

    though seriously who just theory crafts something like this

    I just press attack and get surprised at the loot
  • 0
    @jestdotty I'm lowkey theory crafting, but I always do that.

    It's like when you explain the problem and by doing that you start thinking of ways in which your reasoning is, or could, be wrong. You know, the rubber duck thing.

    Well, I have this issue (among others): I can't turn it off. It's like I keep recompiling an inner monologue or something.

    Do you cheer in excitement when the loot has the 'rare' magical colors? I like doing that. The other day I found a new mace after clearing out a dungeon, it was so fucking magical the game played a loud ass sound effect when the drop hit the ground and I almost jumped off my seat.
  • 0
    @jestdotty I like Rogue and it's early descendants but I was never any good at playing them. I've had Nethack on this PC for years but it will still massacre me in record time.

    Impure stuff like Diablo or Dungeon Siege is so much easier to play. But it just dawned on me that this very much makes me a filthy casual.
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