22
Liebranca
36d

So now I have to pay taxes because I'm employed. Fair enough, sounds reasonable.

Go to the government's diseased scrotum of a webapp to tramit some ID stuff and shit. All good. Then I go to the bank, so I can open an account, so that I can receive the money, so that I can pay the government.

What happens? The guy at the bank tells me he can't access my ID, so he can't open my account. Understandable. I go once again to the gonorrhea infected maggotsoup that is the government's mother fucking webapp. THEY BLOCKED MY ID.

Problem? I had to attach images of some documentation, they say the images are illegible. I try again with a clearer image, ten fucking times the resoulution.

Is that good enough? NOOOOOOOOOO0=00=======0===000 oo O O OO O O, I am the government, my sole purpose in life is to be a dick in your asshole.

So what do I do? I, calmly, grab the documentation, go to the nearest office, and politely explain the situation to the dude behind the counter. Surely, he can verify himself that my papers are in order, no?

NO. HE CANNOT.
IT CAN ONLY BE DONE THROUGH THE APP.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.
WE ARE DOOMED AS A SPECIES.

LISTEN TO ME, DEAR GOVERNMENT.
AND DEAR TAXMEN.
AND ASSOCIATED BUREAUCRATS.
PLEASE HEAR ME OUT.

IF YOU DON'T UNBLOCK MY ID, I CANNOT OPEN A BANK ACCOUNT.
IF I DO NOT HAVE A BANK ACCOUNT, I CANNOT RECEIVE ANY MONEY.
IF I CANNOT RECEIVE ANY MONEY, THEN I CANNOT PAY **YOU**.
SEE HOW THAT WORKS?

ITS OK.
JUST SUSPEND THE PAYMENT I OWE.
YOU KNOW, THE ONE THAT'S DUE IN A FEW DAYS??

OH RIGHT!
YOU'RE STILL ASKING ME FOR THAT MONEY.
SILLY ME.
I THOUGHT I MAY BE EXEMPT.
SINCE YOU YOURSELF HAVE FORBIDDEN ME FROM PAYING.

ARRHGHHGGHGHGHGHGH!!!!!!!!
YOU IRREDEEMABLY STUPID FUCK.

Comments
  • 2
    Wait until you find out they are doing it on purpose...

    Edit: curious, are these pictures of you they want?
  • 3
    @Demolishun One of the pictures has to be of my bearded baby face, yes. Why?
  • 2
    same

    here they take out more than the tax you'd pay if you're employed so it doesn't matter I haven't had access to my taxes in like 8 years. I do my taxes through software and they send it to my bank which I registered through said software

    but because I've been living off taking out my investments last year I'm probably gonna owe them "capital gains" tax, and cuz I can't verify I'm me to enter the portal and see if they decided I owe them any money I guess I won't know...

    I hate extortion

    I tried to verify this year that I'm me but it kept saying I didn't look like me with every form of ID that shit was accepting. and kicker is my best ID is my passport and that's gonna expire... wait it expired this month. great. and getting a passport was really difficult and expensive 😩
  • 2
    @Liebranca increase contrast or darken skin to see if you get faster help. It is like pretending to speak spanish in the USA to get help faster. I dunno, it depends on how racist the bureaucracy is.
  • 3
    They do it on purpose. To wear down the energy you would otherwise spend on thought crime.

    Seriously though I believe that at lunch, these people and HR reps have lunch together. Who else would want to be near these people?
  • 0
    How can a dev like you be unemployed. What happened, you had a new job
  • 2
    @retoor I think you misread. I have to pay taxes because I have that job, that is to say, "now I'm employed".

    But to answer the first question regardless: HR.
  • 3
    Wait, so if it can only be done through the app, how does this work for people without smartphones? Or is it just a website you upload to ... and if so, why couldn't he just scan it right there?
  • 1
    @Liebranca oh, phew. I could seriously not expect you to fail the trial period
  • 4
    @djsumdog You ask someone else to lend you their phone, essentially. Either way it doesn't work ;>

    They don't really need to scan anything, they already have a copy of my papers I gave them last week. I even signed the damn thing, twice. Doubly legally binding. But you see, we live in the stone age, and can only do things in the most overcomplicated and inconvenient way.

    Let me give you an example. Last year, I was second or third in line to vote in my area. Woke up at like 6am, total fucking boyscout. Couldn't vote for like an hour, the new machine broke. Paper ballots? What the fuck is that? Not like we did that for over a hundred years.

    In conclusion: BEHOLD the gaping asshole of cybernetic bureaucracy, truly a marvelous sight.
  • 0
    Every week or so I hear about a law being passed in some US State that is designed to make cheating that much harder. About once a month I hear about someone going to prison for voter fraud. But I never hear about it from the MSM. So weird.
  • 0
    I love taxes <3 they pay for my mama nurse.

    The issue is with the gov cuntz.
  • 3
    @jestdotty Girl, I was off the grid for twelve years. I'm not disclosing that I got paid in cash every now and then by random passerby for busking and selling loaves of bread. It wasn't an income large enough to pay the bare minimum tax anyway.

    I have to issue an invoice, then I'll get paid, but since I'm lacking an account to get paid at, which I can't get without this thing being approved, I'm not getting paid; it goes in circles. The taxman still wants his money!

    And ah yes, he who shan't be named and fuck him deep in the ass, but he isn't responsible for this particular piece of work; system was shitty before the dude was even born.

    Also you're asking too many questions, do you glow in the dark?
  • 0
    @Liebranca srsly tho cant you get one of those online cards by any chance? dunno where you're located
  • 0
    "HE CANNOT. IT CAN ONLY BE DONE THROUGH THE APP."

    please remember this next time someone brings the "right to offline". this a great example why digital/online-only without fallback is a bad idea
  • 0
    @jestdotty capitalists are listening to your phone line.

    I know. I worked for apple.
  • 2
    Taxes are legalized theft!
  • 1
    @jestdotty fuck ads. I'm talking real listening, like my coworkers were listening to people interrupted by siri while having sex, dealing drugs or whatever, with personal information and everything. Good ol wire.
  • 2
    @mostr4am I saw vids of people getting recorded by video on Tesla cars. A lot of compromising situations. Supposedly this information never goes to the wrong place. So how did I see those videos?
  • 0
    @Demolishun I dont know. You might have been on crack or a spook or both.
  • 1
    Hey "spook on crack" Id watch that show
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