Polyamory is weird and I'll never fully understand it. Every polyamorous relationship I've ever been in ended with my partner demanding monogamy weeks into the relationship, despite us setting firm boundaries and expectations at the beginning

And when I say demanding, I mean "be exclusive to me or never speak to me again", and these are folks that were staunchly poly at the beginning

one of the ladies went so far as to tell me that women develop biological attachments to men that provide them with regular orgasms, that this was scientifically proven, and that I engineered this situation for the express purpose of turning her down, even though we both agreed to be open 6 weeks earlier when we met

Like yeah that's on me, I should have fucked you worse I guess? Yeah haha my bad

I think it is when "fuck a duck" was not just an expression on your part. I ain't judging though.

I don’t have enough attention for one so more…

"biological attachment" pah!!!

Nah man, I wouldn't endorse either way cuz to each their own, but I disagree with every human forming the same exact bond. People experience love and attraction differently.

On that note, some people are by nature polyamorous but only engage in monogamous relationships. It's not a one size fits all. Just saying! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

did poly, all the dudes went along with it never dated anyone else successfully and also then got really horribly hurt over time any time I was off to go see other people

kicker is I did it cuz my sex drive was low/am nearly asexual so I wanted them to have alternatives

orgasms don't seem to bond me. granted, having an orgasm on LSD at the exact moment the dude you're screwing brings up for the 20th time about wanting to invite your best friend who is in the next room over... who repeatedly kept rejecting him and had no interest in him... hurt like a fucking bitch. not that I was against that necessarily just what the fuck she already fucking rejected you just shut up. I had the damned universe exploding in my head and every fibre of my being and he's still on that nonsense. bruh

@jestdotty seems traumatic. hope you're doing ok with that.

@NoMad trauma to me is adventure. some say I got piercings

actually my theory on trauma is if you're inexperienced and something shocking happens. if you live well few things are going to be traumatic, because few will be outside the familiarity bubble of your nervous system... which I do think is when you dig down into trauma that's what it is. you're hit with something your ego can't process and then you're fucked. but if you're well-travelled it's whatever

I mean I got actual trauma I can't figure out and people laugh at it. but it's pathetic stuff to society. just not to me. I asked like 50+ people about it by this point and got nowhere. such is life. actually what was the most shocking thing is people having laughed at me with some stuff. I actually got over that one, that only lasted like 6 months or so. but I got something else I can't make heads or tails of and nobody gets. maybe it's not even trauma idk

I don’t know how anyone has time for that shit. One person takes plenty of my attention and the rest is on myself and my hobbies. If I get horny and my partner is not available I just rub one out and resume my activities.

@jestdotty ngl seems like something a friend of mine with clinical bpd would say.

@jestdotty .....holy fuck it's crazy how insane men can be. I don't understand how you raise a person to be such a dipshit without actively trying.. anyway I'm sorry, that's fucked.

my intro to poly was terrible as well. i was slowly coerced into it by my ex, to the point where she basically took my lack of dumping her (i was really good at being a doormat back then) as consent to open the relationship and have sex with her ex she had been talking to for months (some call that cheating) and when i finally agreed to it (after she had already started it ffs), i went to coffee with a girl i met at work and she promptly threatened suicide, broke a bunch of shit and moved out. it sounds like a joke but it's true, she really told me with a straight face that we consensually opened it.

so i was going into poly terribly hurt, confused, but basically immune to jealousy from the ordeal, which is essential and why most people aren't built for it (nothing wrong with it, i'm not either)

@ars1 gotta agree with you, and honestly i've never felt so horny that i had to ruin my entire life just to get a nut so i can't relate to a lot of what these dudes be doing in their spare time

@NoMad that's what the fuck i'm saying too, hell yeah. to each their own 100%

not shitting on poly at all here, just saying it takes a certain kind of person to make it work and it's not easy no matter how sexy, exciting and fun it seems.

unless you're a sociopath, then it's basically just a free for all i guess

@spoiledgoods oh yeah no that girl totally just wanted to not feel guilty for cheating and probably didn't think anything of it

yeah very doormat lol

idk people suck as a general. it's exceedingly rare when they don't. for me this was early 20s. I was from such a helicopter overprotective home my mom reported me missing if I left the house and I basically hadn't been outside for 7 years. she threatened me with legal action / the government would come after me if I moved out, I moved out anyway and found out all she said was bullshit. proceeded to sleep around now that I was supporting myself. so was all good to me. granted tripping on psychedelics innocuous things feel like a ton of bricks

@jestdotty Holly shit, dude... I can't even string together a response ... 😰

I'm poly, three years and going. All smooth sailing so far. Best relationship I ever had. The lack of sexual tension between us is a breath of fresh air compared to what I went through with my previous partners. We have sex when we _want_ to, not when “I worried that you're not into me anymore, we didn't have sex in a while”.

I have a history of sexual trauma that makes it hard for me to have sex. But when I dare and find someone, my wife roots for me so loudly that I actually believe I can do it.

You probably agreed to be polyamorous in uneven relationships with women you already knew you wouldn't fall for.

@jestdotty good call doing the psychedelics in your 20s though. I wish i had instead done that instead of at14-17. Turns out it wasn't such a good idea.

@kiki that is awesome haha

@kiki I like that though. Sounds like a good relationship that is not being driven by insecurity which is a total win however you slice it