Thinking of what bothers me...

Call him a lumberjack who has never seen a tree.

Tell him that we’re officially switching to C++ and transpiling to javascript.

Call him <name >.js
Refers to his chair as chair.js

Ask him what framework his car runs on.

Ask him which browser he goes home to at night. Call his husband (or wife) that henceforth.

Curry his lunch.

Send all css to the browser with a .sass ext, and say you thought it was the new rage or something. (Should still work, I think.)

Cache-bust your css classes rather than css file names.

Put a big “designed for IE4” badge on the site somewhere. Put a “Works best in Netscape” bade on another page.

Provide graphics in 321x239 res (or some other slightly incorrect aspect ratio)

Tell him his desk is a few pixels off.

Use fonts with bad kerning wherever possible.

@Root found the chaotic evil sadist.

@Root You sure have a lot of free time.

through a websocket...?

@kamen how long do you think that took?

Tell him that your company wants to show pop up ads on each page refresh and page navigation. Also the first time the close button is pressed, it is treated as if they clicked on the ads instead.

@ostream @Root Root at least adds some things that don't already happen anyway.

Autoplay video, testimonial carousel, newsletter popup, cookie consent popup, and the marketing mails must look exactly pixel perfect like Apple and Windows desktop browser version!!1!

If I had a dollar for every time I've been given a logo as a scaled-down screenshot with white background even though it takes only a minute to find an SVG online, I'd have 4 dollars, which isn't much but It's annoying that it happened 4 times.

@Demolishun I mean... something tells me that those are not just suggestions but have happened in practice.

@kamen maybe there is a manifesto.

Ask @aviophile

Remind them they are not real software developers, became web dev mandatorily.

Implement the shittiest front-end code you can think of, give it to a FE dev to maintain it afterwards and finalize it with a comment how front is easy and anybody can do it.

i left in all the unused variables in case i need them later pls don’t delete them ty :3