*code doesn't work*

-Run three times, just to be sure
-Its NOT the code, must be the project. Full rebuild.
-Run a few more times after rebuild didn't fix it.
-Google the issue.
-Stackoverflow must be wrong. The code is JUST like their solution.
-Run a few more times, but with your lucky underpants
-Reboot. Must be an operating system thing.
-Tea break. Give the issue time and it will fix itself.
-Run a few more times. Still unfixed
-Contact customer support.
-Walmart said they can't help.
-Consider writing your own language without this OBVIOUS flaw
-Kickstarter for c++++
-Raise $50,000
-Start a family
-Contact customer support again
-Run a few more times
-Now banned from Walmart
-Oh shit, missing a semicolon

"A different error message! Finally some progress!"

Q: What do computers and air conditioners have in common??

A: They both become useless when you open windows.

My wife opens a document, writes her entire paper and uses the close ❌ button to save it.

I think I married an adrenaline junkie.

Oh yes the timing is impeccable

As a Dev,
I hate writing Docs.

As a Dev,
I hate it when there's no Docs.

Vicious Cycle.

Think twice before making a time estimate.

Then multiply that by two.

Google is full of assholes!

Just paid $25 dollars to list my app on google play store. Within 15 minutes of submitting the app, it got de-listed.

Reason:
Impersonation

Who am I impersonating?
The logo is impersonating the logo shown on MY OWN website!!!

How dafuq can you impersonate your own intellectual property?????

Contacted them back using their form. Didn't even call them "cunts". Asked to have it reviewed.
After waiting 7 business days, started sending them 1 email a day. On day 11 I sent 100 identical email asking them to review it.
Today (day 12), they cleared the app. I got this reply back.

"We found that your app was not in violation of our policies"
-Google

A guy and a girl are in a Java seminar.

Afterward, the guy approaches the girl and asks, "Hey gurrl, can I get your number?"
Girl says "Sorry, I don't give out my number, it's private."
Guy says, "Oh I'm sorry, I thought we were in the same class!"

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning." - Rich Cook

My classmate accidentally deleted Recycle bin shortcut from her PC, i was starring at her, she grab my pendrive, ran to libraries Computer, copied recycle bin, and pasted it in her desktop,

And last but not least... She got Job in Oracle.

Get inspired...

Should be ILLEGAL when newsletters do not have a "unsubscribe" link 😡

(was teaching C++ to a newbie)

Me: aight, so to print a statement, you type cout.

(Proceeds to do so)

Her: um, okay but printer is not connected.

Me: aw, you poor thing.

HTTP response code cheat sheet
(From /r/Programmer humor)

"If debugging is the process of removing software bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in." - E. W. Dijkstra

Boss: this is different from the old console I don't like it

Me: but this has been approved by product management and the team already made estimates and committed to the feature

Boss: Well this needs to change, our existing users will not like it

Me: This is far from agile to be honest, and the change came from user feedback analysis

Boss: You are not doing your work *swears and curses* this is against the team direction!

Me: then why was this committed on this sprint? All I did was facilitate the needs of the team to proceed development.

Boss: *runs out office and starts calling other bosses to boss around*

Runs in 5 minutes later, saying we are not allowed to destroy a feature with enhancements like this.

Me: *Infinite facepalm*

Back-end as a service for Real-time applications, based on a multi-layered micro-services stack [more details]

The game 'Factorio' should be required gaming experience for all programmers. Best way I've ever seen to learn load balancing and how to break down complex operations into smaller, manageable operations.