found this today

Never let your computer know that you are in hurry. Computers can smell fear. They slow down if they know that you are running out of time.

Good rule...print it out and hang it up!

I was explaining git and Github to one of my friends during our boring maths class when he asked : "What is the difference between git and Github?". Just then another friend of mine sitting in front turns out and said : "It's like the difference between porn and Pornhub".

Never trust printers.

One of our web developers reported a bug with my image api that shrunk large images to a thumbnail size. Basically looked like this img = ResizeImage(largeImage, 50); // shrink the image by 50%
The 'bug' was when he was passed in the thumbnail image and requesting a 300% increase, and the image was too pixelated.
I tried to explain that if you need the larger image, use the image from disk (since the images were already sized optimally for display) and the api was just for resizing downward.
Thinking I was done, the next day I was called into a large conference room with the company vice-president, two of the web-dev managers, and several of the web developers.
VP: "I received an alarming email saying you refused to fix that bug in your code. Is that correct?"
Me: "Bug? No, there is no bug. The image api is executing just as it is supposed to."
MGR1: "Uh...no it isn't. Images using *your* code is pixelated and unfit for our site and our customers."
MGR2: "Yes, I looked at your code and don't understand what the big deal is. Looks like a simple fix."
<web developers nodding their heads>
Me: "OK, I'll bite. What is the simple fix?"
<MGR2 looks over at one of the devs>
Dev1: "Well, for example, if we request an image resize of 300, and the image is only 50x50, only increase the size by 10. Maybe 15."
Me: "Wow..OK. So what if the image is, for example, 640x480?"
MGR1: "75. Maybe 80 if it's a picture of boots."
VP: "Oh yes, boots. We need good pictures of boots."
Me: "I'm not exactly sure how to break this to you, but my code doesn't do 'maybe'. I mean, you have the image from disk.
You obviously used the api to create the thumbnail, but are trying to use the thumbnail to go back to the regular size. Why not use the original image?"
<Web-Dev managers look awkwardly towards the web devs>
Dev3: "Yea, well uh...um...that would require us to create a variable or something to store the original image. The place in the code where we need the regular image, it's easier to call your method."
Me: "Um, not really. You still have to resolve the product name from the URL path. Deriving the original file name is what you are doing already. Just do the same thing in your part of the code."
Dev2: "But we'd have to change our code"
Mgr2: "I know..I know. How about if we, for example, send you 12345.jpg and request a resize greater than 100, you go to disk and look for that image?"
<VP, mgrs, and devs nod happily>
Me: "Um, no that won't work. All I see is the image stream. I have no idea what file is and the api shouldn't be guessing, going to disk or anything like that."
Dev1: "What if we pass you the file name?"
<VP, mgrs, and devs nod happily again>
Me: "No, that would break the API contract and ...uh..wait...I'm familiar with your code. How about I make the change? I'm pretty sure I'll only have to change one method"
VP: "What! No...it’s gotta be more than that. Our site is huge."
<Mgrs and devs grumble and shift around in their chairs>
Me: "I'm done talking about this. I can change your code for you or you can do it. There is no bug and I'm not changing the api because you can't use it correctly."

Later I discovered they stopped using the resize api and wrote dynamic html to 'resize' the images on the client (download the 5+ meg images, and use the length and width properties)

My job is so f**king unbelievable.

I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless.
The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on make-up.
She is extremely self-centred and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself.
She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet.
Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10.
I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts.
I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead.
In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work.
He probably hasn't been sober any time in the last ten years, and he's only 22.
He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big f**king dog to work.
Every f**king day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke.
Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing.
Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonald's and Burger King, every single f**king day.

Anyway, I drive these dicks around in my van and we solve mysteries and s**t.

Stumbled upon this old gold on reddit. If I tell you that my monitor is now not covered in accidentally spat out espresso, I'd be lying. 😂😂😂

This day is the worst ever, I can't do anything. I feel useless and Im much less productive than I use to be.

I hate it when I forget me headphones at home

Null Pointer Exception

Null Pointer Exception,
you're in a class of your own.
I will try and catch you,
each instance you're thrown.

Null objects expel you,
because you are vile.
I dread that I'll c you,
when I attempt to compile.

Like the grim reaper,
you destroy lines of code.
And so to you,
I dedicate this ode.

You have no remorse
for those who won't test.
As a result,
I need to confess.

From time to time,
when there's no time waste.
I must rely
on cut and on paste.

Although we're acquainted,
I really must mention.
You're not my friend,
Null Pointer Exception.

What do you call a party with developers?

A git together

I'm so sorry.

I always find great geek wear.

Made up my mind to quit my new job yesterday. Im constantly bored. Either I have no work assigned no matter how much I ask for more, or I get handed work where the solution is already identified.

Obviously gonna find a new job first, wish me luck!

Once had a guy who wrapped all his code in:

for(var i = 0; i < 1; i++){ }

Still wakes me up at night..

When your first Rant gets 15 ++ and you know the stickers are basically on the way 😀

the truth about android studio...

Meanwhile, in real life...

99 little bugs in the code, 99 little huge, take on down, patch it around, 157 little bugs in the code

Truecaller fraud😁 no internet or wifi connection on phone but the total number in truecaller keeps increasing. They have just added an increment function since establishment and here they have 2 billion contacts 😂😂😂#shame_truecaller

Biggest achievement : code which ran last evening , works same way in the morning 😂😂

Next months will be good!

Ending my first year in computer engineering in university... Feels bad to see so many rants about my future job. Feels good to know that atleast i will be doing something i really like.

Sometimes I don't give a dam naming my classes since I know not a lot of people will see this. At least I'll make a dev laugh!

o my god..... Creativity :p

knock knock
race condition
who is there?

😂😂😂

This will always be my favourite way of seeing something blocked

UDP Joke

"Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee."

Rest in Peace, Muhammad Ali.

That feeling when you have something else to open instead of freaking Facebook, to find what your friends are doing.