A big shoutout to all software vendors, who, at the top of their product homepage, simply explain to you in 2-3 non-bullshit sentences what their product actually does, and what it is used for. I fucking love you.

And a big fat middle finger to all the rest with your useless buzzword gobbledygook. Go to hell.

Back in office after 5 months of COVID work from home... Now my office screen feels positively tiny - and curved to the back, because I'm so used to my 33'' curved LCD at home... FML.

Sometimes I wonder how long it will take for society to stop starting every. single. conference call with "Hello? Helloooo? ... Can you hear me? I can year you!". Like it's a semaphore tower, or a shortwave radio communication to the dark side of the fucking moon.

I mean... what the ever-loving fuck. This technology has been around for 20 years now, how is it still so god damn broken, inconsistent and unreliable that we actually still all do this?

I'm sure after 20 years even Antonio Meucci and Alexander Graham Bell were no longer starting every damn phone call that way. GOD DAMNIT!

Auto-discovery licensing servers are the best invention since sliced bread.

Whenever a product company provides them I just automatically love their product for it.

Lately I feel like devrant should be renamed into devwhine... or devbrag... or devselfhelpgroup. Sheesh, get a grip on yourself.

Why is devRant asking for most hours we worked? How is this any achievement or even something to be proud of? I wished the IT world would finally abandon this toxic view on overtime-cowboys and must-work-60-hour weeks that some IT companies sadly imposed on us.

Not everyone is happy working for 20 hours straight. Actually humankind has spent the last 150 years trying to get workloads reduced - and in almost all industries it worked, until IT sacrificed these advancements on the altar of a few brilliant silicon valley masterminds and their promise of wealth and eternal glory.

Just live a healthy live. Find a healthy balance. Enjoy your time off, enjoy friends and family. Take breaks. Go outside. Go on vacation. And push back on unreasonable workloads.

Universal rule of opening tickets

Me: *opens ticket on basically ANY ticketing system EVER* (could be internal, from the customer, some random bug online, anything...).

Me: writes detailed explanation of issue, because I know working on tickets is hard. Of course I include that I tried steps A, B, C, and that I haven't been able to do D because of reasons.

Ticket derp: Comments...
"Hey, have you already tried A, B, C? Also you should totally do D first."

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? I TAKE TIME OUT OF MY FUCKING DAY TO WRITE THIS SHIT DOWN AND EVEN FORMAT IT NICELY, JUST TO MAKE YOUR MISERABLE LIFE EASIER, AND YOU DON'T EVEN READ IT YOU WORTHLESS LITTLE BALLSACK!? FUCK OFF!

An project I was working on was required to always identify users who took part in certain transactions (think of financial processing regulations).

Because some of the contacts on your phone might only contain a mobile phone number (and no name) a mandatory 'recipient' field was thus created to be filled for each transaction. This name was then checked against some international UN sanctions blacklists (you know, so Bin Ladens cousin can't use the thing...).

Only thing was... you could simply enter whatever name you wanted to. Like '%#^@/}(#' or 'John Doe', or 'Micky Mouse'... Everyone was well aware of this - but because ITS' THEM RULES we had to do it anyway.

Hope Bin Ladens cousin doesn't figure it out. :P

Some years back I was working in a project that essentially dealt with all things related to foreigners and foreign affairs in Switzerland. You could manage entry visas, work permits, citizenship, international warrants, Interpol requests, etc.

One of the test managers (from client side - i.e. the government) was once manually "testing" and mixed up the production and test instance, to both of which he was logged in at the time.
The test case then ended up setting up an entry ban against himself, as he used his own name for testing...

Next time he returned from vacation the border control at the airport were like "Uhm, Sir, we can't let you into the country. Please come with us." :D :D

(He managed to clear that up in end, I dare say, though, that he learned his lesson.)

After finishing a long and arduous refactoring I got to delete some hundreds of lines of really horrible, unmaintainable and broken legacy code. Feels absolutely great.

I love the smell of deleted code in the morning.

You just have to fucking love it... Trying to get a pull request merged into our master, but because we *must* use fast-forward-only a single change on the master forces a rebase on my side, and an other complete build which takes some 15 minutes.

And of course the entire dev team is in goddamn overdrive and working their ass off, so here I'm sitting hoping to chance on a 'calm' 15 minute slot on the master without any other merges... Let's try attempt number 5 to merge this sucker.

Company after years finally moves away from the ages old and buggy chat infrastructure to use HipChat, which gets adopted quickly and is loved by everyone...
Now Atlassian announces to discontinue HipChat. ;( *sadpanda*

At least we might be able to move to Slack now. :)

Knock know.

Race condition.

Who's there?

Intellij IDEA, what in the name of fuck have you been "indexing" for more than 24 hours that keeps my CPU at a constant 200%???!

There aren't even enough files on my entire machine to justify this ridiculousness...

Two actual lines of code I stumbled upon...

static ArchiveAbstract ARCHIVE_TRUE = new ArchiveTrue();
static ArchiveAbstract ARCHIVE_FALSE = new ArchiveFalse();

Ok you might think, what is going on? Searching for it's usage yields exactly a single case:

if(someVar instanceof ArchiveTrue ? true : false)

So someone managed to introduce 3 new classes... instead of using a simple boolean.
(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

Looking into a helper class written by someone who was clearly not a master of their craft. The class deals with some string IDs...

public getIDPosition1(String id){
return id.substring(0,1);
}

So far so useless. But it gets better. What is declared immediately below the above method?

public getIDPosition2(String id){
return id.substring(1,2);
}

And below that? You guessed it:

public getIDPosition3(String id){
return id.substring(2,3);
}

This continues to position 10.... -.-