@kamen free healthcare Canada it cost me 2000$

and my doc just forced me to remove them before they grew in because $$$

they fucked up my gums with it also

doctors are such hacks

@devJs oh

I wasn't trying to astral project. vampires wrote books about sensing energy and getting clair-senses. and this they call the subtle energies. it's etheric or hell

and ok. other people's perspectives are other timelines maybe, maybe that's a way to see that

@retoor I met the embodiment of evil probably

I'll put it into a bottle later. could be useful.

I went into vampires to solve my health issues but doing too much vampire stuff puts stress on my body and tanks my health soooo... 3 years of resting I'm fucking ready to move the fuck on come fucking on. I wanna be a badass again and go be mad at a fucking demon with a pet doggy. all the while I throw 🖕 at the vampires I meet because so many are so insufferable, and eventually work my way up to the embodiment of evil which I'll enslave

but alas

instead my feet are fibromyalgia rn and I'm debating if I can handle eating cheese or not. I also think my skin is gonna peel. and my brain doesn't even remember code I wrote a month ago. sigh

@retoor just being very boring. starfish. also being unable to read the person that's your client and "fit" them but that's more advanced

most women are apparently starfish. tbh most men feel like starfish to me. so annoying

... salsa teaches a man to lead though. and suddenly I don't have to. fucking finally. put on your big boy pants motherfucker

@Lensflare ye they probably get re arranged, the neurons

and then you gotta reconnect them again and then it might have interference cuz stuff moved around cuz biological

misremembering things to be in your best benefit would be evolutionarily beneficial though and in psychological studies people's heuristical and decision-making always is doing this. in scientific minds crystal clear memory would be beneficial -- like math, physics. and I do see they have much better memories. I had accounted for cognitive biases years ago tho cuz raised by science minds maybe... but since getting sick I don't have the strength to do it anymore and my suggestibility is through the roof as well. sucks.

wehn money tho

hate it when people mention me but there's never any money. feels like being a whore. actually being a whore would've been more dignified because you're getting decent money, even if you suck at whoring

fun

@BordedDev ooooh

better than not getting paid. I'd feel so speciaaalll, so beloooved 🥺

@tosensei malicious still to me

@tosensei it's still in your brain

and it would be lots of gain of time

@retoor is it small =-=

@devJs well if it wasn't me that would be concerning. because I couldn't turn it off. especially now it would be easy for me to go there but hard to turn it off

and it wasn't out of body. I did the overlay/subtle energy in trance state

I have nearly out of bodied a number of times but got distracted by doing other stuff for now. this was before I knew about any of this stuff

I didn't hit other dimensions either... seems I'm stuck in one. tbf my life has not been the best lately and for a long time due to various reasons so not surprising to me. but I think I always existed in that one even when I was a kid. I can see how other people see things though, and that's a glimpse of other places I guess

@devJs oh do you have other forums/places?

I wouldn't, tho

duh

they accuse crypto of doing what fiat has been doing for hundreds, thousands of years

at least anyone can audit crypto

that makes sense to me?

cuz you're waiting for it to end so you can do what you really want to do

and you're not enjoying the current moment

just watched murder mindfully on Netflix. was pretty good ngl

@devJs you mean out of body / astral projection?

I don't know if I can lift my consciousness frankly. like 70% of my existence is like trauma and badass shit, competition, playing with ASPD criminals lmao

I went to the etheric realm and had disconnected my defense mechanism from myself. so that was a nightmare. while I was there I didn't know what was happening. I thought those things were outside myself. I know I have them but I keep them like guard dogs in myself. I've never unleashed them on others unless it was necessary to save myself from something (and the really extreme stuff was never released). but while in there... I released it on myself...

and I'm still not sure if one of those things was me or something else... consciousness being connected would be very bad...

I got raised by very evil people, and I've played with very evil people. and I had won every time. so I am the baddie, and ultimate no less at least so far historically. and how could I let go of such glory?

@kiki it's not that

when people are afraid, anxious, worried, etc (all fear) they get controlling because control helps lessen the thoughts, experiences of fear

happens to all humans and even animals

insecurity is also a form of fear

so such universal emotions will result in the same predictable behaviours

the strategies might differ based on genetics and environmental upbringing. but the motivation, the emotional fuel, will be the same and want the same thing. to comfort their fears, so that the experience of that emotion can be easier / lighter / suckled comfortably to experience... and thusly controlling behaviour, whatever flavour that may be depending on their intelligence, prior experiences, etc

meh

my mom was never self aware much though. nor respected me. so not much I could do

fear makes people stringent, non adaptable. and it looks like they're self sabotaging. be like water, they say. you can only do that if you're relaxed. fear will make you tense on the other hand

@donkulator oh is it meaningful. maybe only to you and anyone who understaaaands. isn't everyone looking for attention so they can be understood? 😏

@kamen the sauce of your humanity

@retoor find a dude partner. it's like having sex but all the fun parts without the baggage

pinhole glasses

anything better than vscode

it's not a blood IDE

lol no

mine just fucking asked for my address. watch me have to move because she does retarded shit to me. motherfucker went to a war and can't get money. uhhuh. is that a lie to steal my identity again?

don't hope for them to ever be different. they never are. all you do is transcend their habits

kicker is my grandparents were wonderful people. no clue what fucked up my mother. but my life got way better when I left and never looked back

gonna make the same mistake again. to be fair I haven't talked to her in 10 years. she's 70 now. what's she gonna do? lie to me to box me in again and enslave me? pretty impossible without informational asymmetry like when I was a child. by this rate I know more than her even in the subjects she knew a lot in... and to say nothing of emotional intelligence which even child me was better at than her

@retoor *pat pat*

feeling pretty good despite feeling immensely bad a lot actually if I reflect on it. strange how that works

---

I call things gay and retarded still

my terrible former roommate kept setting the kettle on the stove but forgetting. one time all the water had evaporated and it had burst into flames

come to think of it the fire alarm didn't go off then either. and we have a super heavy duty fancy one that we can't even take out. such useless annoying things frankly. the thing goes off all the time probably due to humidity, not once when something is actually burning. we can't even replace it. it's stuck to the electrical grid or something through some weird emergency shit. can't even take out the damned batteries to make it shut up when it misfires. and it blares like 5 storeys away. fucking nightmare

I hate society

@devJs have you experimented with consciousness?

... from what I've seen in there. I'm now not so sure I want to find out it's real. if it's real we might be in really big fucking trouble... worst nightmare you couldn't even comprehend...

I ran into a hospital case report where an autistic person fixed their autism taking antifungal meds. cuz apparently they had autism due to a fungus infection of the nerves lol