*Applies to 60+ jobs*

All I get is more spam in my email inbox.

The job market is FUCKED right now

We had a production outage directly caused by our team not following a change procedure correctly. Now we're under a microscope and in a "get well" program.

They took over the daily standup for this high priority program and are organizing efforts in confluence instead of jira.

Now we have a confluence doc of what everyone is working on with someone changing the text status in a table by hand every morning along with the comments in a note section...

My daily standup currently is an hour long debugging session what happened to our servers... Idk why I'm even present since I'm just a frontend dev that does 0 work on this product.

Frustrated that my build system wasn't recognizing a file change I added to my code. It kept telling me that a function didn't exist in the linked object (linker error). I checked everything and stared at this shit for about 15 minutes or more. The signature matched, the function existed, the relevant source files existed. I was starting to imagine impossible scenarios. I cleaned the project and recompiled. No errors, everything linked just fine. Fuck you? I guess...

So I decided to needed to walk around so I went into my bosses office.

me: I don't want to program anymore.
boss: What do you want to do?
me: Shovel shit.
boss: They are the same thing.
me: True...

TLDR: Tool and possibly skill issue results in frustration and humor.

LinkedIn: You have one notification!!!!

Me: What is it?

LinkedIn: 10 types of horses that make your more employable if you don't fuck them

Me: What

LinkedIn: 10 types of h-

Me: No, I heard you, why did you send me a notification about this?

LinkedIn: You want a job, don't you?

Me: Yes, but don't send me this type of notification again.

LinkedIn: Updated your preferences!

The nefarious LinkedIn, two days later: You have one new notification!!!!!!

Getting an existing NodeJS project up and running on Windows IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE

20 minutes for a 1GB update.

It's getting tiresome and an inconvenience to switch on an Xbox for a quick game.

I have installed entire Operating Systems quicker.than these updates take to complete.

Consoles used to be convenient to fire up and play, that was a lot of the appeal.

And are controllers getting heavier?

The stupidity of a post box service marketed for digital nomads that requires proof of current address.

Which fuckwit thought that through?

I feel unburdened by what has been

"Oh yeah I made a new endpoint, and I just pushed the logic for it wherever I wanted without following any of the project's guidelines or structure. I didn't write any tests or documented it anywhere either. I kinda felt there was already an endpoint for it (there was) but I couldn't be assed looking for it in the documentation"
Die.

Me: Update and shut down, no reboot!
Windows, 30 minutes later, smug as can be: *login screen* 😘

So im working on a bot. The response of the bot wasn’t correct according to colleague a. So i fixed the response. Now i have a virtual directoy and the response is wrong again. Meanwhile i fixed issue b where the template path wasn’t correct so i fixed that as well. Then i got a merge conflict because i fixed 2 problems in one file in two different branches. So i fixed that. Then feedback came on issue b so we fixed that again. Now my response is fucked completely because the agent isn’t defined i don’t have a clue why. If i ever find out the output probably still isn’t correct either and even if it was i probably get feedback which fucks everything up again.

My god i landed in development hell

I fucking hate 2FA. I prefer not to be fucked when smth happens to my phone, a bigger chance than become hacked imo

i fucking hate trying to debug microservice certs

"We need smaller deliverables so that we can validate each iteration with the client! Instead of doing the whole batch, let's try a minimum viable unit of work first!"
And then the cook made a single unit of French fries. Like, a single stick. It took about 10 minutes, or about 95% of the time it would take to fry a whole portion.

I am at a work seminar and the presenter is talking bullshit about artificial neural nets.

Unfortunately I can't punch him through the webcam. This is frustrating. Why do morons who know nothing about neural nets always insist on talking about them?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaa

So this just happened and I am mystified as to how. When I talk on the phone with my cell phone in my left pant pocket I get a sensation of being poked with a hot pin in my leg about 1 to 2 inches above the phone. It almost feels like the sensation of a bee sting. It happened the other day as well. I did not have this sensation with my 4G phone I just retired. My new phone is 5G. Its the most random thing and I would not have believed it. So I search a bit and some dude has been experiencing some weird phone related pain for like 20 years. Of course, none of the replies are constructive. Just assholes poking fun at someone who is trying to understand what they are experiencing.

I checked all of my clothing and there is nothing like a pin or anything stuck in my clothes. The temperature outside is about 32 degrees. So nothing actually stung me. I am going to be pissed if its actually my phone. Going to try putting it in another pocket to see what happens. My hope is its my clothing pulling on a damn hair or something. But it didn't do this at all when walking around the building without my phone. Just when I walked outside.

I can still feel the pain lingering in my leg with my phone on the desk. I checked and the spot where I scratched at it is red. Just another weird thing to deal with I guess.

I always thought electrosensitives were nutjobs. Now I am not so sure.

A completely technical observation.

When I was out in a bar the other night, I watched someone play a poker machine, and it dawned on me, Poker machines haven't been adjusted for inflation.

20 years ago if you won 5 quid, it may have bought a round, but now you would be lucky to buy a pint with 5 quid.

I can still beat the machine myself, I thought it was interesting that there is less of a payoff for any coin you spend, so much so that it looks like a rip off.

I used to hate seeing guys throw their entire wage packet into machines on a Friday night.

wait, is @-red gone now too?? :o How come my profile score did not suffer a major impact... Wasn't he the one flooding us with ++s back in the day?

Git Blame before git was invented:

what the fuck did i just read rn

I'm not flexing but I still have the ability to downvote posts/comments.

Ok so there is this company we work for as a client. They stalled the project for 3 months not wanting to sign the contract in the summer for reasons unknown while we "waited" to start.

In the contract it was noted that the project will take 6 months FROM THE time they sign the contract.
They signed it in September and still want to go live this year. They don't care what is in the contract but they have legal deadlines they must comply and for that they need the project.
I mean WAT? How disfunctional you must be to stall a project you have legal compliance for?

What is it about long winded articles for a two second one click solution?

A quick search to find out how to change the control panel to classic view in windows 7. (because I forgot and the windows Operating system is no longer intuitive and Dev-friendly).

Search engine: (Insert hundreds of articles here!)

Solution: Click on large Icons where it says "View by".

Search engine: (Enjoy sifting through this pile of results written by thousands of gas-bags, you looser!).

Rocking back 'n forward sitting in the corner of the room holding my legs against my chest: "Shut up, I forgot okay!"

Why would it not just Say "Classic view"?

Fuckdev: I heard people were having meltdowns in certain more political corners of the interwebz, you figure out why, and so I went to read a little bit to see what was going on.

Truth be told, I did not expect this wild mask-off type shit, but it's interesting nonetheless. Malcolm X was proven right once again. I mean el Hajj Malek el Shabazz, dude. These bitches are indeed like foxes, showing their teeth but pretending to smile.

I'd feel bad for the poor fucks, hadn't they come out swinging against immigrants with a copy of Mein Kampf. Not so disgusted by the dextral folks, then? Sinister!

Anyway, having bore witness to such undeniable proof of their conceited wickedness, which makes them more than ever indistinguishable from what they merely *claim* to oppose, I am now at ease for thinking that the B-52 bomber with pride flag meme was kinda funny.

Angular is not fun to work with. The amount of jumping between files to do a thing is tiring. And its documentation fucking sucks.

I guess I'm just used to single file components and Laravel's amazing docs...

Spent 3 hours not understanding why the exact same procedure on Linux worked while not in windows. Ended up installing Linux on the windows computer.

Fucking hell, why does the phone decide I can't use my last 4% of battery for the torch function? Fuckers, you can imagine that if the user does that, it's really needed right!? Give a warning or smth. It's not like that 4% is good for a phone call either. What's the point of that last 4% battery then.

I live in a park 5km from outside village center. When it gets dark in the middle of nowhere, it gets black, really black. So, I was cycling home and my bicycle light died. And halfway, it was almost completely dark so I wanted to use the torch on my phone so I could at least see if I'm still on the bicycle road. That's how dark it was and it fucking refused. But then - someone caught up from behind and could follow that person until my exit (one I would've never had found anymore) cycled a hundred meters in pitch black until I saw lights of the park. God dammit, fucked up experience. If that cyclist with light wasn't there, I would've had to walk and hoping I was walking in a straight line. Normally I already go before it gets that dark because bicycle light nearly isn't enough.

And that all, because those fuckers decide what you do with your last battery. Fuck you.

Same for headphone, if ten percent battery left, more than a hour, it starts beeping every minute. So I have to listen a hour that the battery is almost "dead"? Almost dead is 5 minutes left fuckers, not whole hour!

Who designs these things?

Team Leader, once again, wagered I was wrong on a technical thing
I, once again, accepted his wager

Team Leader, once again, lost the bet.

That's 3-0 now.