Client keeps asking about their website and why it isn't ready, and I keep asking them for their content 🙈

Schrödinger's code:

Its both working and crashing until you run it.

Error handling done properly.

How priorities work #1

High priority : Client request to change button color to red
Low priority : improvement that will boost product's speed and robustness

Call internet provider to ask about a problem :
costumer service: in order to help you, I need to know what windows version do you use, Windows 8, windows 7...
Me: I use linux
Costumer service : I'm sorry, we don't provide support to Windows Linux

No matter how fast I code, I cannot make up for your lack of planning skills....

<rant>
*Rules For Work*

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Even better, hover behind me, and advise me at every keystroke.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.

5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is priority. I am psychic.

6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.

9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.

10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

11. Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to manager's hell.

12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so many taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.

13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.

</rant>

Spent 4 hours trying to figure out what is wrong. Next day, without morning coffee, fixed it & published in 10 mins.

devranters account registration could include coding knowledge test to keep out snooping PMs? but instead of denying them access on failure it could just silently filter them all to their own channel >:)

git commit -m "." .

The only time I feel alive is when I'm coding

I'm done fml

Hating myself because I'm struggling to muster up the courage to program lately ... Work is ruining what I love :-(

If java is the answer, it must have been a really verbose question

Friend: What's your job?
Me: I'm programmer
Friend: So you can install windows for me?
Me: Fuck 😐

When your code doesn't run even after working for hours.

Backend programmer

The feeling when you use breakpoint feature for the first time.

When the security team decides they want to reinvent the wheel instead of accepting standards like OAuth.

The application has crashed. More information on the error below:

0x31209473

P || N

only programmer's know this

Professor: "Vim is all you'll need in life."
Me:

Reading code you wrote when you first started programming

Designer x Developer gif

the code compiled at first attempt 😖

"You're charging so much for a work you did so little time. "

"It took me years to learn how do that in so little time"

The hell you mean maybe ???

def maybe
[true, false].sample
end

You have got to be kidding me...

version control done the right way

We don't need a designer. Our PMs can do it. *fires up lucidchart*

Me when my boss says we still need to support IE8: