related to all programmers....

If I got a penny everytime MySQLWorkbench crashed..

1. Create user on website.
2. Receives mail with username and password.
3. Changes password.
4. Receives mail with new password.
5. Delete account and look for another service.

Monday morning cup of coffee with my new mug. Definitely my favorite thing on my desk at the moment.

I'm sick of how much abuse PHP gets from other programming communities. PHP written well, using PHP 7 is comparatively quick. yes it has its quirks, just like JavaScript, but just because you can do stuff in multiple ways, and the language has a few inconsistencies doesn't make it a bad language. The recursive flag in bash applications changes case inconsistently (I.e. zip and cp) but that doesn't get bashed (lol) half as much....

I think I need to finish my coffee this morning

When you go out for an interview and your current boss shows up

"Everyone can code" - Tim Cook
Clearly you've never met my team!

PM: Can we have it so the usernames are case-sensitive?

Me: uhh, sure I guess.. But thats like really pointless and adds no real usefulness.. In fact makes the whole logging in thing a tad more complicated for no reason..

PM: Well this one other product we have uses "Admin" for the login versus yours that used "admin" so it needs to be implemented.

(note that mine accepted "Admin" anyways...) *implemented it*

PM: So there's a problem with the username sort, it sorts by capitals then lowercase.. eg:
alpha
beta
Alpha

Me: Yeah, you asked for case-sensitive usernames..

PM: Well can you fix it?

Me: I could create a second field within the user data that is the username in all lowercase and sort by that. But that negates like all of the whole case-sensitive usernames thing.. OR I could drop all this actually important work I'm doing and do a whole bunch of work on a custom sort for this useless fucking feature you wanted me to put in..

*it's been 2 weeks and still no reply...*

Based on how many people are violently upset at Apple for removing a 60 year old piece of technology from their phones I'm guessing this is the ideal types of ports for some people. Because why try something new when you can stick to legacy technology?

Wake me up when composer create-project laravel/laravel app --prefer-dist

anyone else use nano over vim?

Once had one of these, I should have kept it...

Life when you didn't know about browsers developer tools

Ironically, the face I make when a project has no documentation is the same one I make when someone asks me to write documentation.

Certain developers allocated memory before it was cool. they where called heapsters.

Hehe, stumbled upon an oldie :-)

struct ComputerContractor
{
double salary;
long lunches;
float jobs;
char unstable;
void work;
int hiring_him_again;
const pain_in_the_arse;
unsigned agreement;
short fuse;
volatile personality;
static progress;
};
/* and there are no unions in sight */

"Scrummerfall" - pretending to follow agile/scrum while adhering to deadlines set by management.

I remember my first software engineer internship, the boss was terrible. He was cheap and only hired interns we had 0 guidance. This mother fucker would say shit in meetings like "hey we should start providing DBAAS, similar to DynamoDB start researching it I want a prototype by Wednesday" Wtf this guy is nuts. The overall product was suppose to be a fucking virtual machine hosting platform to compete with AWS, Digital Ocean, RackSpace etc designed by BS computer science interns lol. This guy tells us in a meeting one day "You know what's the difference between those guys (the competitors) and us?" We all looked around lost. This pompous ass hole says "Me , that's the difference you guys have me " 😂 what a fucking joke , not to mention all he has is a shitty math degree from a bullshit no name college in India, no developing experience what so ever. Man o man I never met anyone that was so fucking stupid but thought they were so fucking smart

This week I've been struggling with dense, overly-complex code written long ago by someone who didn't add a lot of comments.

Hello again, past me.