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Stupid pipeline bullshit.
Yeah i get it, it speeds up development/deployment time, but debugging this shit with secret variables/generated config and only viewable inside kubernetes after everything has been entered into the helm charts through Key Vaults in the pipeline just to see the docker image fail with "no such file found" or similar errors...
This means, a new commit, a new commit message, waiting for the docker build and push to finish, waiting for the release pipeline to trigger, a new helm chart release, waiting for kubernetes deployment and taking a look at the logs...
And another error which shouldn't happen.
Docker, fixes "it runs on my machine"
Kubernetes, fixes "it runs on my docker image"
Helm, fixes "it runs in my kubernetes cluster"
Why is this stuff always so unnecessarily hard to debug?!
I sure hope the devs appreciate my struggle with this... well guess what, they won't.
Anyways, weekend is near and my last day in this company is only four months away.2
I remember a certain prank that amuses me till today....
Just add some devices to monitoring and the notification queue of the build chain / ... ...and wait patiently.
I still cry tears remembering an manager screaming what the hell "the poop train clogged the drain" means and why this is a critical system failure.
(Notice: next time check the mailing aliases of mailing aliases)
Although I can only recommend this if you know your team well. In my case we had a whole lot of fun after I got my head chewed off. XD (got an earful, but in the end he laughed his ass off)1
Nice cuppa Earl Grey with honey. Badass Wolf Shirt playlist on repeat.
I'm going in for a voluntary night shift. I fuckin love this job.3
So, you start with a PHP website.
Nah, no hating on PHP here, this is not about language design or performance or strict type systems...
This is about architecture.
No backend web framework, just "plain PHP".
That sounds like fucking paradise to me right now. 😍
But no, of course it was updated to PHP7, using Laravel, and a main.js file was created. GREAT.... right? Yes. Sure. Totally cool. Gotta stay with the times. But there's still remnants of that ancient framework-less website underneath. So we enter an era of Laravel + Blade templates, with a little sprinkle of raw imported PHP files here and there.
Fine. Ancient PHP + Laravel + Blade + main.js + bootstrap.css. Whatever. I can still handle this. 🤨
But then the Frontend hipsters swoosh back their shawls, sip from their caramel lattes, and start whining: "We want React! We want SPA! No more BootstrapCSS, we're going to launch our own suite of SASS styles! IT'S BETTER".
OK, so we create REST endpoints, and the little monkeys who spend their time animating spinners to cover up all the XHR fuckups are satisfied. But they only care about the top most visited pages, so we ALSO need to keep our Blade templated HTML. We now have about 200 SPA/REST routes, and about 350 classic PHP/Blade pages.
So we enter the Era of Ancient PHP + Laravel + Blade + main.js + bootstrap.css + hipster.sass + REST + React + SPA 😑
Now the Backend grizzlies wake from their hibernation, growling: We have nearly 25 million lines of PHP! Monoliths are evil! Did you know Netflix uses microservices? If we break everything into tiny chunks of code, all our problems will be solved! Let's use DDD! Let's use messaging pipelines! Let's use caching! Let's use big data! Let's use search indexes!... Good right? Sure. Whatever.
OK, so we enter the Era of Ancient PHP + Laravel + Blade + main.js + bootstrap.css + hipster.sass + REST + React + SPA + Redis + RabbitMQ + Cassandra + Elastic 😫
Our monolith starts pooping out little microservices. Some polished pieces turn into pretty little gems... but the obese monolith keeps swelling as well, while simultaneously pooping out more and more little ugly turds at an ever faster rate.
Management rushes in: "Forget about frontend and microservices! We need a desktop app! We need mobile apps! I read in a magazine that the era of the web is over!"
OK, so we enter the Era of Ancient PHP + Laravel + Blade + main.js + bootstrap.css + hipster.sass + REST + GraphQL + React + SPA + Redis + RabbitMQ + Google pub/sub + Neo4J + Cassandra + Elastic + UWP + Android + iOS 😠
"Do you have a monolith or microservices" -- "Yes"
"Which database do you use" -- "Yes"
"Which API standard do you follow" -- "Yes"
"Do you use a CI/building service?" -- "Yes, 3"
"Which Laravel version do you use?" -- "Nine" -- "What, Laravel 9, that isn't even out yet?" -- "No, nine different versions, depends on the services"
"Besides PHP, do you use any Python, Ruby, NodeJS, C#, Golang, or Java?" -- "Not OR, AND. So that's a yes. And bash. Oh and Perl. Oh... and a bit of LUA I think?"
2% of pages are still served by raw, framework-less PHP.32
Fuck all the political posts here,
and fuck all of you who see them as a opening to spout your counter arguments.12
Working in this job double as long as me.
Also my colleague:
isSafari = navigator.userAgent.indexOf("Safari") > -1 (pro tip: almost any browser but Firefox contains Safari in it's user agent, because browsers lie)
Also wasn't able to check if autoplaying a video fails. It's not my primary department, I'm just helping fixing bugs there. They really need an employee with knowledge and experience. The last and only one got fired, so...4
Really? Fucking really?
"This role starts out with a one-week, unpaid trial to gauge work speed and compatibility"
Why no one knows any library that generates qrcodes in fancy way (custom dots, and logo).
How qr code monkeys do !7
Remember this one?
Yesterday I got promoted which is great, I know that I’m appreciated.
The job is really good, I enjoy every day at work..
My darling, my love, my car (I named her Monroe)..
In the Morning i got promoted and in the evening I fucking blew up her engine..
I think it’s the balance in the universe.
I think I never enjoyed any car as much as I enjoyed her.
Her smell, her bitchyness, her looks...
I hope she’ll Rest In Peace.
Gotta find something that compares to her now which is gonna be a challenge. I used to drive her every evening and every Friday night, Saturday and Sunday, that’s how I spent my personal time.
Many of you won’t get me I guess.. cars are my hobby, my passion, a very important part of my life. For the last 5 years used to own at least 2 cars at once, now I own 0..😔
No idea what I should do with my free time now, there’s nothing I’m Passioned about besides cars..2
Nice new scrollbars feature Spotify, but
1. This song isn't 05:34 minutes long
2. That position hardly seems like 05:01/05:34
3. The point is stuck at 05:01 while the song is playing19
Put me under pressure and I’ll produce the best code I’ve ever written.
Put me under a microscope and I won’t produce jack shit 😂😬5
I just spent an hour refactoring and output-beautifying a one-off console script
You can probably understand how bored I was in the train
I just got pissed off when someone on my team asked me how to start a web server on port 8080 (needed for network port testing)
I check the port get 404. 🤔🤔🤔
Spend half an hour explaining to them about ports and how there's already a week server running... And that 404 is a HTTP Status code.
I'm pretty sure she works on our webapp and maybe even REST APIs...
New grad but still.... Not recognizing a 404?
Maybe those pretty 404 pages these days make the realizing that it's a fucking web server error response harder....1
In that mood where I'm excited to code until my hands hit the keyboard then I just go off to YouTube or smthn2
Hello again, everyone. As Sunday comes to a close, and Monday is fast approaching, I'll share with you the likely cause of my death by stroke and/or heart attack:
MONDAY MORNING COFFEE OF HORROR
Disclaimer: Do NOT try this. I am a professional addict. I am not responsible for anything this brew from hell causes to you and/or those around you.
So, I wake up, feeling like I haven't slept for days, or just notice the fucking alarm clock shrieking because I pulled an all-nighter.
Step 1: Silence alarm clock via mild violence.
Step 2: Get the coffee machine to brew some filter coffee (espresso works too)
Step 3: Get milk and ice cubes from the fridge (both are needed, I don't care if you don't like milk, trust me)
Step 4: Get 2 spoonfuls (not tea spoon, and actually FULL spoonfuls) into the biggest glass you have
Step 5: Pour just a little of the warm filter coffee into the glass, just to get the instant coffee wet enough, and start mixing, until the result looks like the horror you unleashed in your toilet a few minutes ago (and will do so again in a few)
Step 6: Mix in 25-50 ml milk, just for the aesthetic change of colour of the devil-brew, and to add the necessary amount of lactic acid to react with the coffee to produce chemical X
Step 7: Add ice cubes to taste (if you are new to this, add a lot)
Step 8. Slowly add the filter coffee while mixing furiously, so that the light brown paste at the bottom get dissolved (it's harder than it sounds)
Now, take a deep breath. Before you is a disgusting brew undergoing a chemical reaction, and your moves need to be precise otherwise it will explode. Note that sugar or any other form of sweetener is FORBIDDEN, as it will block the reaction chain and the result won't be as potent.
Take a straw (a big one, not those needle-like ones that some cafeterias give to fool you into believing that the coffee is more than 150ml). Put it inside the mix, and check that the route to the bathroom is free of obstacles.
Now, clench your abs, close your nose if you are new to this, grab the straw and DRINK!
DRINK LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW!
THAT BROWN DEVIL'S BILE WILL HAVE YOUR INTESTINES SPASM AND DANCE THE MACARENA WHILE TWIRLING A HULA HOOP!
YOUR HEART WILL GO OVERDRIVE HARDER THAN YOUR PC'S CPU WHEN COMPILING ON ECLIPSE AND BROWSING WITH IE AT THE SAME TIME.
The combination of caffeine and lactic acid will bring out the perfectly disgusting combination of sour and bitter usually expected in rotting lemons. After you manage to chug it down (DON'T SPILL OR SPIT ANY!) you have 30 - 60 seconds max to run to the porcelain throne, where you will spend the next 30-60 minutes.
After that, nothing can stop you! You will fix bugs, write entire codebases from scratch, punch that annoying coworker, punch that boss! You will be a demigod among mortals for the next 6-8 hours!
Your recipes for Monday morning coffee?15
Today was fucking awesome!
I always wanted to do a project in C++ since I've been more of a Java guy for years now.
And today, I finally wrote a full console program in C++! (For windows, it's a .exe)
The purpose of that program is to show if a file has a file lock on it (because of copying for example).
It started as simple as that, but got complicated quickly:
- It needs colors! So I added colors.
- Just a single file? Boring. I need wildcards, so I can put a * for anything in the file name! Jup.
- Just one directory? Boring. I need a recursive directory walk! Got it.
- But wait! There has to be an option to switch between recursive and wildcard/single mode! So I checked if the first argument equals "-r"! Hacky but works.
- Oh uh... that spams a lot now! The purpose was to show locked files, so I need another argument to specify that I only want to see locked files! Damn now it get's hard... I need a Linux-like command line argument parser (this -h and -s "hello" stuff). So I took the opportunity to write one myself! Done.
- Refactoring everything to use my new fancy parser...
- Adding more and more arguments, just because I can:
- "-d" hides "access denied" messages
- "-l" shows only locked files
- "-r" activates recursive directory walk
- "-f" formats everything nicely, basically printf("%-150.150s | %s", filename, locked); a maximum width which get's truncated if too long so everything lines up nicely
- "-h" which of course displays the help page
- "-w file" watches a file, if the file is locked it will refresh every 500ms, if it's still locked nothing happens, if it's unlocked, the program prints "unlocked" in green and exits. And yes, it does have a rotating line (something like this: "-" "\" "|" "/" "-" and so forth...)
That project was just awesome to make. I learn languages fastest if I just do a big project in them, and today, I really learned a lot.
Thank you for reading all this!3
A group of wolves is called a pack.
A group of crows is called a murder.
A group of developers is called a merge conflict.26
I'm really down.
I spent 10 years building on an application worth 800K$ revenue per year.
I tried to build a technical team. All left, because of fights with stupid account managers, CEO, business managers.
I was left alone for almost one year alone, working like 60-70 hours per week to keep the things going and adapt to more customers.
And looking for potential partners to outsource things.
Now out of the blue, 3 weeks before my summer holiday, investors introduce me to a "partner" that will rent to us a "developer" for 2 months. from tomorrow.
What the fuck I'm gonna do with him in 2 weeks I don't know.
Actually I understand that this "partner" will take over the whole project.
They used the word "to help me", but actually during the meeting they said to fix things that are not working, and to develop new features because the project is blocked.
Of course there are bugs, I have no developers with me and hundred of features and integrations to maintain. And of course everything is blocked because I have to think hard about priorities.
I feel humiliated in the worst way.
I don't know what will be my future position.
I wasted time contacting potential partners and the answer was always "there are no money".
The business strategist, entered one year ago and said "no more IT investment".
Basically as cofounder and cto (of myself), they will not fire me, if I stay silent. If I accept to be a puppet. And eat, eat eat a lot of shit. I'll grow fat from the shit I'll eat.
I feel I've lost all my hard work, and I'm alone.40