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Comments
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If your shit smells as bad as you recounted, you could take your shit in the snow. it'll freeze and therefore stop smelling faster. One-up, you wont even need toilet paper to bring it back inside :^}
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Can you imagine mid dump a ski party graces over the hilltop and heads towards you as you sit paralyzed, unable to take any action without embarrassing yourself further

B2Plane I've found the best spot for you to take a dump:
joke/meme