Excuse the profuse amount of profanity below.

Fuck this fucking fucked up motherfucker of a fucking director. Money does not make you a fucking decent person, and you come in here and tell me that you pay my fucking measly salary so I must be fucking grateful.

Starts off with a boardroom meeting this morning. Wireless connection on my laptop takes two minutes to connect, I get told that I am wasting company time and that the salary of everyone in the meeting is quite a lot ("with me being the highest"- cuntface director) so stop wasting time. Fuck you man, it's a fucking wireless connection. I am building your motherfucking company applications and doing web design and for what, so I can earn fuckall and be told that I am fucking wasting time. I am presenting your fucking site you wanted, so give me a fucking minute extra to start up the fucking wireless connection.

The fucking mails are taking long to send, great, let's come down and fucking scream at the dev who regrettably said he would try and assist IT (by calling the provider). I literally just got told that I am the following. 1) Fucking stupid 2) He is going to close the dept down because I apparently fuck up (yet again cuntface, your fucking mailserver is NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM) 3) He is going to contact an external company to come and check my work. 4) I am fucking useless. 5) I telling him lies (yeah fuckface, I worked as a sys admin, I know what a motherfucking DNS server is and what it does. you don't - so don't fucking tell me that I am lying when I tell you there is a DNS fucking issue, because you don't know what the fuck you are talking about - to top that off motherfucker, I FUCKING BUILT YOUR FUCKING SERVER AND YOUR FUCKING NETWORK. I FUCKING KNOW HOW IT WORKS AND WHAT THE FUCK I AM TALKING ABOUT).

On top of that, I got pushed out of the way of my own PC, my code got some fucked up gibberish in it (because he was trying to minimise my editor and he typed some in it, and now I have to fucking roll-back. He told me I am wasting company time and he will take my shit away from me if I download something again. It is an open network. I downloaded JAVA and fucking updated Sublime. Jesus man. What the fucking fuck.

"why is your gmail open?!?!" because I was testing your emails from an external network. "DON'T FEED ME BULLSHIT" (even though the top mail states "test"). It's the whole fucking "my money determines my dick size" mentality.

That being said, I got told that I need to work overtime, without pay, to resolve IT's issue, even if I have to on the weekend.

That being said,my new Dell that I had just bought (my own) got thrown on the floor and he fucked out of my office. Stupid motherfucker. I fucking earn nothing but cannot leave. I will find another job, and when I do - you can go and fuck yourself and your fucking degrading opinions. I am not fucking stupid, so fuck you.Fuck your company and fuck you. Cunt.

Dear mom,
Good for you you have so many contacts. Lovely. But when you visit someone and they tell you they have a problem with WhatsApp - or anything on their device at all - DON'T YOU EVER PROMISE AGAIN THAT I WILL COME TO THEIR HOUSE TO FIX THEIR PROBLEMS. I already ate enough candy today. And if they were to give me money (rare, we're in the Netherlands) I still couldn't care less. If you're too stupid to fix the problems on your phone you probably shouldn't have any phone at all.

Look, if it's my grandma who's kindly asking me whether I'd sometime like to look at her tablet to fix it, or I just happen to visit her (once in a few months): sure, I'll try my best. But for a stranger I haven't heard about who just got here? NO. I don't know you so I honestly couldn't care less about your problems. Go ask your own grandchildren.

Background: Process issue in the plant that the workers said was a software problem. I’m a Software Dev Manager

Exec: This is broken and it is a software problem. We just noticed it this week.

Me: Couldn’t have been us, relevant code was changed this time last year. Sounds like a process issue.

Exec: Can you give me an exact date it was changed last year?

Me: (Seriously, WTF?... checks git...) It was changed on December 2nd, 2016. Couldn’t have been us.

Exec: Can you detail that change for us?

Me: (GTFO) No, not my problem, stop trying to make it my problem.

Client creates bug report for me (Android dev): "Customer 193796 gets a JSON parsing error when trying to access their order history."

...okay, what the hell am I expected to do about that?