When you're in the middle of coding and people come over.

Sunday afternoon extra work..
New guy: what do you do?
Me: backend, mainly
New guy: c#?
Me: yeah, but not just..
New guy: so you're good at it?
Me: I'm a fucking proctologist

Awkward silence, followed by nerdy giggling

Oh people :)

The first book that I'll give to my child.

I asked my programmer buddy if her baby was a boy or a girl. She said "yes".

Keyboard not found. Press any key to continue.

Sometimes, you'll be tempted to copy-paste some piece of code from somewhere (stack overflow, w3schools, etc). But instead, read the code there and re-type it. Will help you to understand it better.

I was taking an introductory programming course. One assignment was to do a little payroll program, including some data validation. The program was supposed to accept terminal input and send output back to either the console or a printer.

Suddenly the printer began spewing out paper like crazy. One of the students (a particularly mouthy woman) had programmed a less-than-helpful error message ("YOU ARE WRONG") and then not provided any exit from the error-checking logic -- the program just re-read the last (failing) input and re-tested it. All in all, it was a very nice infinite loop.

After spitting through about fifty pages of "YOU ARE WRONG," somebody cut power to the printer, and the instructor had to flush the print queue manually. He went back to the student and asked if she had tested the program by sending the output to the console before trying to print it, and she said, yes, she had tested it on the console and ended up with a screen full of "YOU ARE WRONG" messages. Why, then, had she sent her output to the printer? "I thought I would be daring!"

Rate my setup.

I swear, the next time I hear a web developer say to me: "Yeah let's pretend as if the security hole in the website isn't there, because truth be told, i cannot be bothered to fix it."

Good guy Chrome. :)

Good birthday T-Shirt for programmer :D

Ummm, thanks but no...

Boss insisted that verification link needs to be clicked from same IP address as account registration. Many arguments later, decision is final, we will ignore the numerous ways that this will be a burden to our users.

*Code code, test test, deploy*

We're getting a lot of traffic, we need this bitch to scale! *auto-scale and load balance all the things*

Account creation begins breaking at random, some people receiving the "Your IP address doesn't match" error. Look at login history table, what the shit... All recent logins coming from internal IP addressohfuckmylife need to look at X-Forwarded-For header for actual IP behind load balancer.

IP address matching feature stays. I am sad, drink away sadness.

"Im a wordpress developer"

No you are a human segfault

Once a customer wanted to pay our invoice cash in a meeting. Then he came up with 14995€. As we asked where the 5€ are he could not remember immediately, but then he yelled: OH YEA I GOT HUNGRY ON THE WAY TO YOU.

Will be getting a MacBook Pro 15" on my new job. First mac ever for me. yaaay

The Linux!!!

Start my new job next week, and just got an email from them asking if I prefer Windows 7 or Ubuntu for my work machine!

I think I'll like it there

Ok it's time to switch from keyboard to guitar.

Ball acquired :D

Mom: Hey, my computer is doing weird stuff again, you know what that means?
Me: *I should have become lawyer instead of IT*
Mom: And the microwave makes a beeping sound. Fix it.

How to get devs to apply for a job

Thinking of naming a distro as nut. So I can do stuff in a nutshell! :p

I know! I am sorry! :D :p

So I take leave for a day right.

I come back to the office and my teamlead asks me to start running tests and in the same breath he adds, "so I added SOME code so that it would cater for the annoying popup".
I said cool and made nothing of it.

A few minuts later he stands behind me asking me why its so slow and my reply was.....

"Well I wasn't in yesterday and you added code and it wasn't this slo... "

Words arnt even out of my mouth and he starts shouting at me

"DON'T SHIFT BLAME!!! Don't Shift Blame."

Well okay then sorry...... I guess.

Not received my stress ball after 4 weeks, this is stressing me out.

We must do it ! We just must !

As back end developer, I rarely have hands on production environment. When it happens, I need to ask my way around and since the office is empty that day, I ask the client directly. They give me a URL. Right away, I ask the credentials.
"Just connect to the URL"
"You mean, you have an open access of this software, having critical information of more than 50 000 persons, to the web?"
*Silence* "hahaha it appears that way"
Thankfully, a tactful manager handled the situation astutely and we never heard about it anymore.
Don't we love all happy ending?

Am I the only one that does not even consider a freelance job if the description has bad/poor English and/or is written in all caps?

Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?

Yes, I'd like to hear a TCP joke.

OK, I'll tell you a TCP joke.

OK, I'll hear a TCP joke.

Are you ready to hear a TCP joke?

Yes, I am ready to hear a TCP joke.

OK, I'm about to send the TCP joke. It will last 10 seconds, it has two characters, it does not have a setting, it ends with a punchline.

OK, I'm ready to hear the TCP joke that will last 10 seconds, has two characters, does not have a setting and will end with a punchline.

I'm sorry, your connection has timed out... ...Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?