I trust machines more than humans.

Except when I'm hitting that Ctrl+S. Gotta hit it at least like 4 times before I can start believing :-P

When you install a program and you realize just beat a world record.

Story of my life.

Friend: How much do you charge for a website?

Me: Depends, what do you need?

Friend: Just a basic website.

Me: I am going to need more details than that, is it static HTML site? Do you want to be able to add content yourself? Do you have hosting? Do you....

Friend: Dude, just give me a rough estimate.

Me: But...

Friend: It's for a friend, he has an idea for a business.

Me: ...fine...$100 million 👿

//Because making a website is just a push of a button to some people

Her: Why do you need 3 monitors??
Me: Why do you need 6 bags on the hanger, permanently, and 23 pairs of shoes?
Her: :/

Anyone else used Stack Overflow for many years without ever asking or answering a single question?

Ahhh DDoS attacks

#wife {
right: 100%;
margin: 0;
}

When you want to enjoy the spring sun but your laptop screen is to dark.

I guess it's a bad rant…

Asked a girl what would she like to eat and gave her two options. She answered "Ok. Let's go".

Error cannot find parameters in line 2

I need new friends.

Me: Just Google it..

Friend:
Opens browser (home page is some ad-riddled crap)

Types "Google" in address bar

(Google search page opens)

Clicks first result (google.com)

Types search query.

Me: 😶🔫

Heard a conversation between my colleague and the boss

Boss: (saw my colleague's messy desk) hey, could you organize your desk? It's not nice to see when clients come in. You know what they say, messy desk represents a messy brain..

Colleague: (glanced over to the boss' empty desk) and what does an empty desk say for the brain?

Client asked to change the shade of blue to a little lighter shade. Deleted the hex code and typed the same hex code again and showed it to him. Instantly approved.

Me and my girlfriend are arguing, because I'm programming a lot and I don't have time to give her attention. She said if I don't give her attention, she will break up with me.
Any suggestion where I can find a good tutorial for C#?

Not me, but a colleague of mine ordered 10,000 pens with <company>.com printed on them - but our company had a .org address.

During a software presentation for a group of clients i said:
"I reworked the interface for you. Now it's idiot-proof."

USB sounds like a backup in case the USA fails

Meanwhile,in an Indian movie , a medical student carries a UNIX book 📚😅😂.

adding //To do in my code be like

Seriously, why? WHHHYYYY?

US-date-format sucks, every FUCKING TIME!

The only time I really notice is when the "month" is larger than 12:

05/13/2017
"5th of Dec... oh. Fuck. Not this shit again..."

(It makes no sense. Absolutely none.)

Most embarrassing and lucky moment on the first week of job.

Me and my best friend were selected in the same company as developers. I was having some trouble with my system. So I mailed the description to our support department. Pop up was displayed from our chat client and person on the other end happened to be a lady. She wanted me to share a team viewer link with click access. So I did it and within 2 minutes of efforts she solved it. I thanked her, closed the chat conversation and started installing few packages. Meanwhile, I was curious to see her as she was really nice throughout the conversation. So I opened LinkedIn, searched for her name and found her profile. I zoomed in her photo and she was a pretty chick. I didn't stop and found her on FB too, and quickly saw all her DPs. I just copied her profile URL and sent it to my friend ( the one that got selected with me ) and told him about my conversation with her. Then I asked my friend
"She's hot. Should I send her a friend request or have to find some more troubles in my pc and talk to her few more times ? :P "
He replied "Dude what are you wanting for ? "
Out of no where, a pop up showed up. It was the girl we were talking about. The exact message was

"You can now close your team viewer session, and we can talk over FB :)"

Embarrassing AF!

When back-end engineers get excited about something.

Piece of shit admin installed a chrome plugin which changed the new tab to no internet default image ... The whole office was pranked

Interviewer: "I checked your Github, your side projects look very interesting! Tell me about your other hobbies."

Me: "other hobbies?"

This should be in every email client ever, always. Now. And forever.

Excellent Database table design...

I'm pretty sure Shakespeare didn't say that.

At one of the biggest venue's of the Netherlands. The Heineken musical hall.
Windows is starting....