dude: hey could you hand me a patch cable ?

me: how long?

dude: as short as possible

me: sure buddy

😂😂

I have my own secret script hidden in a /batcave dir on the production servers. It fixes everything the other devs usually manage to screw up.
I call it Batman.bat

girl: Why is your laptop heavier than mine?
me: I have more files than yours
girl: oh! it's true, you and movies eh.
me: laughing inside... hehehe

FUCKING CSS!

When you can see the future

Bored waiting for code to compile so here is a joke someone sent me last week .....

A man walks in a bar with his pet monkey. He sits down and orders a drink, meanwhile the monkey is running around all over the place and jumps up on a pool table. He grabs the 8 ball, shoves it into his mouth and swallows it hole.

"Holy crap!" says the bartender, completely livid. He says to the man, "Did you see what your stupid monkey just did?"

"Nope. What did he do this time?" says the man.

"He just swallowed one of the balls off the pool table, whole!" says the bartender.

"Yeah, well I hope it kills him 'cause he's been driving me nuts" says the man.

After finishing his drink, the man leaves.

A few weeks later the man returns to the bar with his monkey. After ordering a drink, the monkey starts running wild around the bar again. Up on the bar, he monkey finds some peanuts. He grabs one out of the bowl, sticks it up his butt, then pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted.

"Did you see what your stupid monkey did this time?" he asks.

"What now?" responds the man.

"He stuck a peanut up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the bartender.

"Well, what do you expect?" replied the man. "Ever since he ate that pool ball he measures everything first!"

DevRant needs some code syntax highlighter for improve readability

Programming just like writing a book but........

If I have to read the "Java developers don't C#, so they wear glasses" joke one more time, I will murder a kitten.

First, I get 150 ++'s and then I get this shirt! Best birthday ever!

I am 52. I think I am the oldest ranter. This deserves a sticker no doubt!

Only way out...

I'm replacing my all t-shirts with this one

Thanks @dfox. Now I will never forget where to rant.

laptop gamers....

When your OS crashes so badly that your computer looks at you like this.

Pier review

- What did a Java static method accused of criminal possession of a weapon said in his deffense?

- "THIS does not belong to me!"

Never read any github tutorial. Decide to wing it, create repo, make 10 changes. Check progress, Where are my old files 😭

Had a job interview. Think I crushed it. Now to figure out if the company is a sweatshop.

After months of waiting, I finally got a license for visual studio 2015. I'm far more excited than I should be...

CTRL + Z CTRL + Z!! PLZ PLZ PLZ

So I finally tried Laravel... And fuck this shit, I'm going back to PHP...

I just asked my girlfriend if we can have a baby so I can get a devRant stressball.

Do you all get the mood when you don't wish to code anything because you like to Google new technologies and platforms all day?

I'm having such a mood today.

At a party, discussing possible projects with some other programmers there.
So, does that mean I have no life outside of developing?

When you forget that you paused dropbox sync 2 days ago and the client starts questioning my progress, I remembered today - resumed sync and the client responded with "wow shit!" A little awkward..

On a bright side, everything in UK is 10% cheaper today than it was yesterday.

Old times.

Client sends me their "about us" page in an image (second time they've done this after I've asked for text versions). Do you hate me or are you just a fucking moron. You don't write a book in an image. You don't send emails in an image. No you send it in fucking text. 😤