Most progress/loading bars are fake.

When you think the progress be has stopped moving...

Ps... It was still moving.

Welcome to android where Progress Bars are Spinners and Spinners are lists.

Stop using progress bars on your résumé/CV!

Back when we were looking for people to join us, we got hundreds of résumés in the mail and online, and I saw so many of them using these progress bars to indicate competency in a particular skill or programming language.

Yknow what that says to me, and to my colleagues?

"Yeah, I'm ok at this, but I'm even worse at THIS"

Your résumé is about selling yourself!
We don't want someone who's '68%' in Photoshop or '82%' in JavaScript. We want someone who knows they're good at what they do and knows they can learn if they need to.

You might feel like you're being 'big headed', but that's what a good resume SHOULD be! Sell yourself to be as if you're the solution to all of my problems and you might just get a job!

Rant over.

Does anyone else feel like progress bars increase at random intervals and then stop at 99% until its actually done?

Bored waiting for code to compile so here is a joke someone sent me last week .....

A man walks in a bar with his pet monkey. He sits down and orders a drink, meanwhile the monkey is running around all over the place and jumps up on a pool table. He grabs the 8 ball, shoves it into his mouth and swallows it hole.

"Holy crap!" says the bartender, completely livid. He says to the man, "Did you see what your stupid monkey just did?"

"Nope. What did he do this time?" says the man.

"He just swallowed one of the balls off the pool table, whole!" says the bartender.

"Yeah, well I hope it kills him 'cause he's been driving me nuts" says the man.

After finishing his drink, the man leaves.

A few weeks later the man returns to the bar with his monkey. After ordering a drink, the monkey starts running wild around the bar again. Up on the bar, he monkey finds some peanuts. He grabs one out of the bowl, sticks it up his butt, then pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted.

"Did you see what your stupid monkey did this time?" he asks.

"What now?" responds the man.

"He stuck a peanut up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the bartender.

"Well, what do you expect?" replied the man. "Ever since he ate that pool ball he measures everything first!"

I've always had a fetish for progress bars.

My favourite one? The green glowing one from Windows Vista.

The best way to check if the bar is moving, it to use the magnifier on windows, also, not my computer, but really nostalgic, lol

Am I the only one who checks if installer is working with pen/ruler?

long time ago....
Feature request: We want an android backup solution in Our app!
UI guy has already developed it, you just need to see if his solution is solid!
Ok then - lets look at the UI: Nice progress bars, that turn into green checkmarks. Looks good.
Now lets look at the code: ... Ok. loading some files into memory.... and... dafuq? does not write to a file?

Backup to RAM. With no restore. 🤦‍♂️.

I.T technicians law: regardless of the increases in processing power over the years spent working in your career, you will still spend most of your life watching a progress bar.

I don't like it when progress bars develop their own personality. Gurr.

Friendly reminder: see attached gif.

Uh-uh-uh, you didn't say the magic word.
Uh-uh-uh, you didn't say the magic word.

Spend 10 minutes patiently waiting for a progress bar to gradually make its way to the end, only to reset to the beginning and start all over again. Realize you actually have NO idea what the actual progress is or how long this is going to take and that the first progress bar was actually just representing the progress to this realization.

Urge to kill anyone who creates two-state progress bars - 0% and 100% - is rising. Why do you even put the freakin' bar there?

Trust Google. Trust the Process.

The Android Studio Installer doesn't show download progress bars, speeds, ETAs or the size of files being downloaded. I hate this design. Tell me exactly what, why, and where is being downloaded so that I can download it myself with a better HTTP large file client, put it where you want it, and restart the installer. I know my machine and ISP and Google does not. I don't trust Google to make a single right decision, and I only want to relinquish control when I don't have time to do something myself.

Tired of the same old boring progress bars in my applications, so I made this little gem to keep users busy during slow operations. Bonus: no more complaints about things taking too long. (personal high score is 119)

Yeah, stay there for as long as you wish, Windows. We have all the time in this world

Installation progress bars that lie....

Projects are like progress bars, they are really quick at 80-99% and then it takes a while until they have finished. The reason is the same, nobody thought about milestones and goals.

Substantive post / question time!

So I'm working on this project that isn't a disaster but very much suffered from a lack of planning (both on my part and others).

This is a feature that involves all sorts of ways to view and manipulate some records and various records and so forth... I mean what isn't that really?

I think everyone tried but we didn't realize how many details there would be and how much we would need to (well I demand we do) share code across pieces and how that would slow us up when we realize feature A needs to do X, Y, Z and ... well obviously that means feature B has to also...

I'm not really upset about this, it's progressing and I'm learning. I'm writing it all now so it's under control, but...

I want to be able to display, visually where we are as far as each component of this project

- Component A
- Description:
- Component A does things you don't want to.
- Has features:
- Can blow up things in a good way.
- Produces flowers and honey on demand
- Missing features:
- Doesn't take out the trash.

And so on for component B, C, D, Z.

Right now I'm just using a plain old document file to write up a status / progress type thing now.

We use Teamwork to manage tasks, but I kinda hate it. It's similar to the above example in being able to bust out lists... but they're not connected in any way. All the details are lost on these bullet items as they're limited to one line when you look at everything ....

It's the classic case of a tool that shows lists ... but doesn't promote or allow for showing any connections between them...

And really the problem with this project is that we built little bits and features here, and little bits there from the outside in and ... really we should have built it from the top down where we had to face a lot of questions earlier.

Anyway does anyone know of anything that has project type management / status / progress stuff that is VISUALLY helpful .. not just a bunch of lists and progress bars?

I know I didn't word this well but I'm open to even wrong answers....

What do you do when you're trying to push yourself further by learning new concepts and techniques but start to feel the burnout closing in?

Usually I'm useless for about week if I push myself too hard. Would love to overcome this.

How do you guys handle this?

I've been working on a problem for the last few hours and not getting anywhere ... so here are a jokes ... coz im bored

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, dyslexic, and an agnostic?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
-----
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
-----
I'm addicted to drinking brake fluid , it's ok I can stop when I want
-----
what type of monkey explodes - a Baboom
-----
my brother has. taken being sent to jail really. He has been refusing food and drink, spitting and scratching anyone who comes near and he smeared the walls with his s**t.

I'm not inviting him to monopoly night again.

Once I was looking for a monospace comic sans just for shits and giggles.

Now if I know that I would be using Android Studio for longer on a machine, then I have to look for Fantasque Sans Mono, I can't work otherwise :v

(ChroMATERIAL is also a pretty cool color scheme)
(And did you know, there is a Nyan Cat progress bars plugin?)