JShit....

After 5 years of neglect I have finaly found some time to work on an old project of mine.

Not a bad view to work from either

I fucking ❤️ Docker

Git.

The smallest utility made its way to being the largest companies must-have, the most critical part of the whole development landscape.

Using just plain C, Git can shred huge amounts of data insanely fast. It never gets old.

Git is a developer's scalpel.

I asked her to open her Gmail account, this is what she did.

types www...... opens Google
types G mail (yes, with uppercase g and space between g and mail)
and then clicked on gmail in search result

We never met again.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It is like choosing between Iphone 6 & Galaxy 7. They are both too expensive for me.😔😔😔

Programming alone vs with someone.

// Not a rant !

But I like puns. And even more programming puns.

@dfox After clicking on a rant, it would be really nice if swiping right would take us back to the list of rants, rather than hitting the back arrow. Makes 1 handed navigation much easier <3

You know you're a true developer when npmjs and maven burn more bandwidth than NETFLIX

Made this sign for the office a while back. Though you guys might appreciate it!

finally received my swag / stress ball

arrived all the way to India

thank-you very much @dfox

Is there someone who can explain more obvious?

Created an alias in BASH

alias fucking=sudo

Just so I can run "fucking apt-get update". Got so used to it I accidentally used it during a presentation. Now the cute interns think I'm awesome while the other devs think I'm an ass.

The whole family

found this today

"Can you help me make an app? I've got this perfect idea, but I can't tell you what it is until you've said yes."

SIGH. I wish these people knew that perfect ideas are worthless, there are plenty of them. Perfect executions of good ideas are what has value.

My last girlfriend was a Linked List. It was easy to get head but getting tail required serious effort.

Just spotted a public WiFi called "Martin Router King".

I have a stream.

Yo Mamma ....

My job is so f**king unbelievable.

I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless.
The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on make-up.
She is extremely self-centred and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself.
She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet.
Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10.
I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts.
I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead.
In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work.
He probably hasn't been sober any time in the last ten years, and he's only 22.
He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big f**king dog to work.
Every f**king day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke.
Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing.
Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonald's and Burger King, every single f**king day.

Anyway, I drive these dicks around in my van and we solve mysteries and s**t.

Every dev job I see:

You need a billion years of experience, and must be able to fistfight Sauron

What language do you hate the most and why is it Java?

My son is about to be born within the next 30 minutes!! Not such a rant just some happy news!

my life in project...

So, in my spare time I run a little helper business that teaches children/teenagers how to program.

Theres a new kid that's been coming for around about a month, and I swear the kid is a programming deity.
He picked programming and more importantly developing remarkably quickly.
Long story short, I paid for him to go to a Hackathon in LA and he now has more business contacts than me.

when u spend 2 hours desperately trying to fix a bug. Give up, off the computer and get ready for bed. the moment you get comfortable and ready to sleep. You solve the problem mentally in ur head. Get back up, on the computer and continue coding.