Puns for days

The 11 stages of programming I go through every day.

3:30 on a Friday, random PM: our Argentina devs just sent out a merge request. We need to release before the weekend.
me: We try not to release on Friday afternoon unless it's for a high priority bug fix.
PM: This is urgent
me: why?
PM: We're two weeks behind schedule and the dev for this it's going on vacation in an hour.
me: so, you want to release when there's no one around if something goes wrong and the person who knows anything about it isn't contactable?
PM: yes
me: no.

#UDPjokes

How do you comfort a JavaScript bug?
> You console it

I have seen something similar! 😂

When your boss says "more red" on a banner that's already "#ff0000".

When you get up from your desk and your entire work space explodes...

... you left your headphones in

Maybe I'm alone on this one, but when JS developers talk about the frameworks they use- it sounds the same as a hipster talking about the bands that I probably haven't heard of

The real truth behind checking solution...

I am a Unix Creationist. I believe the world was created on January 1, 1970 and, as prophesied, will end on January 19, 2038.

I'm in my grandmas phone under 'IT Support' 😞😞

I want to see a movie where machines gain intelligence and go to war with humanity, only to be defeated when some guy deletes a single semi-colon from their code.

Saw this in a Tumblr blog. Lol

Programming: where getting something to break in a different way counts as progress. 🙌🏼

When you write scripts to automate stuff because you're lazy, but you spend so much time writing them it makes you doubt your own laziness

When a recruiter puts Java in a job spec when they mean JavaScript

So a DBA walks into a NoSQL bar, but immediately leaves because he couldn't find a table..

When you spend hours figuring out where the bug is, with no luck, and then you wake up in the middle of the night knowing exactly what and how to fix...

Can't count on my two hands how many times I've done this.

Dev: "What if the user has more than 100 entries? How would that display?"
UX: "They won't ever have that many"
Dev: "But what if they do?"
UX: "They won't."

(spoiler: they do)

Am I really a Software Developer or am I just really good looking up stuff on Google?

The scariest thing in programming is when something works when it shouldn't

When I drink and code at home I put "while drunk" at the end of a commit so I know which ones to look back over later. This system worked great for me until yesterday when I included that in a PR for a work repo.

Lol :)

"Who is JSON, and why is he on my website"

Clients. 😂😂

That guy died...

When your Dad questions your CS credentials because you can't fix his printer.

"Let's mark every issue a high priority so it all gets done faster."

When you see a someone write this
if(condition){
return true;
} else {
return false;
}

when you have to patiently and silently watch a client type on his keyboard with 1 finger.