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Joined devRant on 8/25/2022
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Things that are obvious to me when I talk are not at all obvious for the people around me. Not at all. Whatever I say, people hear something else, and I have to elaborate.
There are two possible reasons.
A) 95% of people around me are fucking stupid
B) Long chain of conclusions I encounter and decide to skip is not evident, and is an example of lateral thinking. I have to be more specific and tell the whole chain when I speak.9 -
Wrote some code that solved a program in a semi unique way for the codebase. As in not oft used functionality of language.
Some time later... This might be hard to understand. Maybe I should do a different way.
Some time later... No, I will leave a comment to describe what is going on.
Some time later... That comment is kind of cryptic. Maybe should rethink.
Some time later... No, if the next dev doesn't know how this works then they should learn how it works. (reasoning here is that the functionality requires a knowledge of internals of language)
Some time later... Also, if nobody else gets this then they have to ask me how it works. Job security?
Some time later... STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS CODE AND MOVE ON!6 -
Them: "What can we do to fix this?"
Me: Contact the vendor
Them: Ok, but from our side?
Me: Wait for the vendor to reply
Them: And what can we do to prevent this from happening again?
Me: get better vendors, include I.T on the process when the org decides to purchase shitty third party software.
Them: Ok but besides that?
Me: Drink?
Seriously tho, tf you expect me to do?5 -
I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support. I'm a developer, not technical support.11
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Windows, God damn you piece of fucking shit.
Why the fuck can't you make networking fucking easy like literally every other fucking operating system in the goddamn fucking world?
Why the fuck can't I spoof mac addresses so that I have the same IP address regardless of if I'm on a hard line or wireless?
Who in their fucking right mind thought that the pro version of Windows wouldn't need to do that?
I don't even like using you at this point, I'm forced to use you for work.
There's literally not enough explicitives that I can chain together to sufficiently convey how much I fucking hate you Microsoft. So enjoy this seizure inducing tourette's mode compilation.
Fuck shit cock piss mother fucker asshole bitch mother fucker sick and tired of your fucking shit Microsoft you fucking cuck piece of shit nobody fucking likes you they only have to use you because no fucking business in their right mind is going to spend the millions of dollars it cost to fucking switch over to fucking Mac or Linux I hope you fucking choking a bag of HIV riddled flaming dicks you fucking piece of shit.17 -
A scammer called me today. They were saying that harmful files were moved to my computer and they needed to remove them. I don't think they are ever going to call me again.
S = scammer; M = me;
S: this is tech support we need access to your computer because we detected harmful files and need to remove them.
M: oh my! Hold on, let me go to my computer now. How can you access it?
S: we can just use RDP and delete the files. They are in a hidden folder that is encrypted so this Is the only way.
M: oh ok I believe you. Hm... it looks like my son only allows certain IP addresses to access our computers.. I don't know how to disable this so can you just email me your IP address?
S: Sure...
He then sends me his actual IP address... it doesn't even look like a proxy or VPN.
M: oh my I forgot that you need my password to login. It's really long and complicated... can I just email it to you?
S: Sure!!
I then tell him to hold on I have to find it that my "son" stored it somewhere.
At this time I'm taking a photo of my bare ass and attaching it to the email. I then say in the email "Please note what my job title is in my signature.. I just sent the FBI your name, phone number, email, and IP address. Please enjoy my bare ass, you'll see a lot of it in prison."23 -
My Friend: Dude our Linux Server is not working anymore!
Me: What? What did you do?
My friend: Nothing I swear!
Me: But you were last on it?
My friend: Yes. I just wanted to run a bash file and needed to give it permissions.
Me : WHAT DID YOU ENTER???!
My Friend: Chill man, just this command I found on the internet
chmod -R 600 /
chown -R root:root /
Me: WHY ARE YOU EVEN IN ROOT AND GOD DAMMIT WHY ARE YOU EVEN USING SOME RANDOM COMMAND FROM THE INTERNET. YOU KNOW YOU SHOULD NOT DO THIS OR JUST ASK!
My friend: Ok I did something wrong, how can I fix it?
Me: Did you make a backup or rsync of the server?
My friend: No. I just wanted to run this file.
Me: You holocausted the server. FUCK MY LIFE35 -
Got call from extremely angry customer, our product is shit and doesn't work. At all. Important customer so I went to visit.
He had the perfect setup, our product to the left, our competitor's to the right.
He connected the Ethernet cable to their product, it worked. He plugged it out and connected to ours... Nothing. Shit.
I started to debug on the premises, took logs, everything. It seemed like our product didn't receive any data at all. What the fuck? Tried everything, debugged low level, still nothing. Sweating as hell.
After two hours I got a strange feeling. So I swapped place, our product to the right, competitor's to the left. Now OUR product worked, competitor's zilch.
THE FUCKING ETHERNET CABLE HAD A GLITCH. IF YOU BENT IT TO THE RIGHT IT WORKED, IF YOU BENT IT TO THE LEFT IT WAS BROKEN.
I had never seen a customer be this embarrassed in my life. He apologized to me, my boss, his boss, the Queen, everyone.
We got the contract.20 -
Dear people who complain about spending a whole night to find a tiny syntax error; Every time I read one of your rants, I feel like a part of me dies.
As a developer, your job is to create elegant optimized rivers of data, to puzzle with interesting algorithmic problems, to craft beautiful mappings from user input to computer storage and back.
You should strive to write code like a Michelangelo, not like a house painter.
You're arguing about indentation or getting annoyed by a project with braces on the same line as the method name. You're struggling with semicolons, misplaced braces or wrongly spelled keywords.
You're bitching about the medium of your paint, about the hardness of the marble -- when you should be lamenting the absence of your muse or the struggle to capture the essence of elegance in your work.
In other words:
Fix your fucking mindset, and fix your fucking tools. Don't fucking rant about your tabs and spaces. Stop fucking screaming how your bloated swiss-army-knife text editor is soooo much better than a purpose-built IDE, if it fails to draw something red and obnoxious around your fuck ups.
Thanks.62 -
Looking for a job as a deveoper be like:
Job title: car driver
Job requirements: professional skills in driving normal- and heavy-freight cars, buses and trucks, trolley buses, trams, subways, tractors, shovel diggers, contemporary light and heavy tanks currently in use by NATO countries.
Skills in rally and extreme driving are obligatory!
Formula-1 driving experience is a plus.
Knowledge and experience in repairing of piston and rotor/Wankel engines, automatic and manual transmissions, ignition systems, board computer, ABS, ABD, GPS and car-audio systems by world-known manufacturers - obligatory!
Experience with car-painting and tinsmith tasks is a plus.
The applicants must have certificates by BMW, General Motors and Bosch, but not older than two years.
Compensation: $15-$20/hour, depends on the interview result.
Education requirements: Bachelor's Degree of Engineering.41 -
Website design philosophies:
Apple: "...and a really big picture there, and a really big picture there, and a really big picture there, and..."
Microsoft: "border-radius:0 !important;"
Google: "EVERYTHING MOVES!!! And most websites get material design. Most."
Amazon: "We're slowly moving away from 2009"
Wix: "How can we further increase load times?"
Literally any download site: "Click here! No, click here! Nononono!! Click here!!..."
Facebook: "We can't change anything because our main age demographic is around 55"
University websites: "That information isn't hard enough to find yet. Decrease the search accuracy and increase broken links."32
