Douche: So your a programmer ?

Me: Yes

Douche: Excellent, I have an idea.....

Me: No

Douche: cmon bro, week be rich, this screensaver so will make us tons of money

Me: I have a question.

Douche: corz man waddup

Me: do you use a screensaver?

Douche: no, why?

Me: *walks away angrily

Works every time.

Our boss likes pixel art, so we thought we should Post-It

Epic Answer .... 😂😂😂😂😜😜😜

@dfox thanx for including the "dont show this message again" in the question to also share on facebook. you know your audience ☺👍

Memory Usage.

When a client schedules a meeting for 2:15 and I'm like damn could we do 2:17?

Boss: Alright so after lunch can you show me all the changes you've made for project x?
Me: there haven't been any visible changes to it so it looks exactly the same as when I showed you at the end of the day yesterday. Just reorganised the code a bit.
Boss: Well, refresh my memory anyway.
Me:...

When you show the senior developer your clever solution to a problem and they come back with "you can also do XYZ" and his solution is much more elegant. Appreciate your superiors kids.

curl some.url

Can't connect to server.

Try some.url on the browser

It works.

curl some.url

Can't connect to server.

Google the problem

"Maybe you got the URL wrong"

(Sigh. Perhaps it's a firewall thing.)

Switch to tethering

Can't connect to server.

(This is going to be a long day.)

Friday afternoon going straight to production without testing.

I wonder someone ever did that!!!

Great use of startup... 😂😂

When you look at some production code that has been released for 4 years and find a HUGE security, like catastrophic here is my server hack me flaw 😁

Some years ago I was in cyber security in the military being shown some new tech for our use. Was challenged to try and get past it after being explained it's basics. Took me one long line in Linux about 10 seconds.
Anomaly detection firewall with machine learning seemed like a good idea.
Setting it to aggressive response and then change the package header to the firewall's own address however made it kill itself.

We didn't deploy that firewall that I know of.

After creating a 19 page survey in 1 day deadline client says this to me:

"We have a small change in the website. We don't like the page 8 anymore. Could you please remove that and rearrange the pages after that?"

😃
😃
😃
🙂🔫

The moment when a client dumps you for a "cheaper solution" and after a year his site get hacked and calls you to rescue him. Priceless.

The honest website ever... 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

The only programming joke I know is my code.

It would seem someone has a serious problem with me, hes taking time out of life to actually find all my posts and comments and downvote it LOL!!

when you get downvoted on Stackoverflow...

What's the object-oriented way to become wealthy?

Inheritance!

Aparantly everything broke today.
Thankfully it's only a personal project 😂

"It's not a bug, it's a feature"
Microsoft, since 1975

This image comes to my mind way to often.

anyone else just wake up one day and just isn't in the mood to do any work and feels like they are making no progress.

Linux root