Client: We want to onboard people with sign-up wizard just like (Massive Industry Leader) so remove the sign-up process from the app.

1 week of development later...

Client: We need to take photos of their information, but we think its easier to take photos on the phone so once they sign-up link then to the phone.
Me: How will they get the apps if it not in the app stores?
Client: Get the apps approved for the app store! duh!

2 weeks later... 4 failed app submissions..

Client: Would it be easier if we just add the sign-up on the app?
Me: Yes... like it was 3 weeks ago?
Client: Yes! Why did we remove it?
Me: You did in an effort to be more like (Major Industry Leader)
Client: ....but we're nothing like them! Change it back!
Me: >•<!!!

I have to fire my client...

Jr. front end dev says, "I know enough back end to be dangerous". Literally destroys entire codebase.

Lately, I have been seeing more of devJokes than devRant. Even I've got some UDP jokes, but I'm afraid no one might get it.

i have more deadlines than projects

What do you call a party with developers?

A git together

I'm so sorry.

function brexit(){
drop(EU);
drop(Chancellor.Cameron);
drop(stocks);
}

When a PM assigns me something with a due date of the same day

The satisfaction a developer get when you see something hacked publicly.

Customer: "Why doesn't the user interface have a night mode?"
Me: It wasn't in the requirements, it also doesn't have bouncing pink elephants, do you want me to add those in as well?

You know you've succeeded as a parent/programmer when your kids start counting up from 0.

must try this in some interview!

The only dates I get are updates. 😐

There's a meowing duck hidden in Amazon's html code

Picture of the Day :D

"We can refactor that later"

Just bought a new LG TV with WebOS on board. Am I watching cool FHD movies on it? Nope since I discovered I can create apps for it. Once developer, always developer.

Imagine an app called PMrant where they rant about us 😆

The programmer got stuck in the shower because the instructions on the shampoo bottle said:
"lather, rinse, repeat."

My girlfriend dumped me after I named a class after her. She felt I treated her like an object.

I created an open-source module for Angular about a year ago, which is now used in a real project for a big client by someone else! What a great feeling.

Just had to tell someone, my friends and family doesn't understand this code stuff.

I would have hired him 😐😁

Programming python requires to have a snake as a pet.

Wifey made me an epic birthday cake :)

The coolest project I've worked on was for a certain country's Navy. The project itself was cool and I'll talk about it below but first, even cooler than the project was the place were I worked on it.

I would go to this island off the coast where the navy had its armoury. Then to get into the armoury I'd go through this huge tunnel excavated in solid rock.

Finally, once inside I would have to go thru the thickest metal doors you've ever seen to get to crypto room, which was a tiny room with a bunch of really old men - cryptographers - scribbling math formulae all day long.

I can't give a lot of technical details on the project for security reasons but basically it was a bootable CD with a custom Linux distro on it. Upon booting up the system would connect to the Internet looking for other nodes (other systems booted with that CD). The systems would find each other and essentially create an ad-hoc "dark net".

The scenario was that some foreign force would have occupied the country and either destroyed or taken control of the Navy systems. In this case, some key people would boot these CDs in some PC somewhere not under foreign control (and off the navy grounds.) This would supposedly allow them to establish secure communications between surviving officers. There is a lot more to it but that's a good harmless outline.

As a bonus, I got to tour an active aircraft carrier :)

Reality of those delivery dates in executive slides 🤓

That moment, when you get a clients logo in .pptx format...

Had a request from a client once, "I'd like that our site supports only IE10 and above. However if the visitor uses older IE version, say IE6, things should look and work the same as IE10".

[person] so, what do game developers do?
[me]

So I was coding a project that was left for me because the initial developer was fired (I didn't know why). When I was reading his code:

var saturday_sunday = week.day - 1;

Now I understand why he was fired.

The worst type of clients...