A fancy position opened up in a good spot, which I should be applying for. I want to. But this soul sucking place I currently work for has crushed me and I really don't see it in me anymore. The robots have more soul in this corridor than people.

Mkay. Let's talk about Luigi Mangione.

Hero or terrorist?

He was one of us, like it or not.

Once upon a time we had the idea for a Europe meetup.
I suggest sometime in August next year. (Is 9 months prior enough time for you to plan?)
I also suggest Amsterdam cuz it's easy to reach for most.

Any takers?

First time ever that installing Ubuntu on a new desktop is giving me anxiety. It already failed once cuz snap was farting and therefore was busy. 😒😒😒

I have a cold. I'm dying. 🤧🤧🤧

I am at a work seminar and the presenter is talking bullshit about artificial neural nets.

Unfortunately I can't punch him through the webcam. This is frustrating. Why do morons who know nothing about neural nets always insist on talking about them?

Love it when a shady colleague of mine says something to me and another to someone else within a few months. She also kinda told me I shouldn't do a PhD, cuz not everyone is made for it.

Sexism is well and alive in academia! The worst part is that half the time it comes from women.

I hope karma pays her back, cuz I'm too busy to do so. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Urghhhhh I don't want to study anymore 😭😭😭

Mind you, me getting residency permit depends on this exam. And everyone keeps telling me it's easy, but I'm still stuck and my brain draws blanks so often. 😭😭😭

I can't focus during the day, I don't have enough energy to do chores in the evening, I can't sleep during the night, and I can't wake up on time in the morning.

It seems like a curse that keeps getting worse.

I hate my job enough that even thinking about a meeting with my boss gives me stomachaches and a dizzy head. I hate to admit this, because not only did I use to love my job, I also need to stick it out for a few more months because of immigration purposes. Fuuuuck.

The past few days I didn't drink much water. So today I am dehydrated and focus is basically non-existent.

Downed three glasses of water and one sugary drink, still can't understand what's happening around me. Gah!

In the meantime, trying to understand math papers. This is fun! **says while head is spinning and has a slight fever**

I'mma go home and sleep. 🛌

https://theverge.com/2024/9/...

Meta's CEO can really go fuck himself! The way social media works has altered so much of adult brain, let alone teenager's mental health. 😒 Which planet is this fuckface living on?

Useless meetings 🙄😮‍💨

You wanna know what my problem with chatgpt is? It's that it cannot form a FUCKING OPINION.

I have a few guesses on how that can be sorted, but peeps who are already afraid of AI will freak the fuck out when it starts saying "in my opinion..." LOL.

Also, did they ban the thing from making predictions? Like, simple probability. It can't do. 🫤

"When my father passed away, he left me with a substantial inheritance that I used to ... " become an utter moron and buy crypto and then lo and behold, lose it all cuz daddy failed to raise me proper. 😐

There. I fixed the last scammer's prompt.

To me, Bayesian statistics make perfect sense in theory but no sense in practice simultaneously. 😐

What's up with all these Bitcoin recovery scammers today? 🧐

Got an exam coming up and no motivation. So tell me something that'd motivate me to study. Thank you! 🥰

There's a group of people at my work who have mean girls syndrome.

They think they're cool, but they're actually pretty lame. I'm loving it whenever a junior comes to me because they're fed up with these morons.

Don't get me wrong, I can't do fuckall, but I love to sit and watch the world burn. Hell, I'm waiting for end of contract to get away from this hellhole of a job, this shitty small town and its close-minded people.

Can you suggest discord servers to me?
Particularly ones with active voice chats and nice nerds.

(I need new distraction while i study/work 👀)

As someone who works in AI and actually bothers with cognitive models, general intelligence, theory of mind and such shit, I find the current state of the field laughable. I don't get why people panic about AI. Like, yeah it's gonna take us a while to adopt and regulate, but... it's just not there, and nowhere even near there, yet.

... Unless we're comparing AI to moronic idiotic mofos such as my neighbors. But let's not do... that. 😒 Let's just not.

1. I have to learn German (as a language).
2. I have undiagnosed and subclinical ADHD.
3. I have a job that partially needs my brain for 9 hours of the day.
4. I'm coming off of antidepressants. (Life has been hard lately. Needed a little help to cope.)
5. I need to finish learning German in about 2-3 months.
6. I don't enjoy interacting with people.

Any suggestions for what can help with the goal? Software, web apps, services, etc. Specially good non-violent and non-depressing tv-series.

Lost my auntie to a very long cancer battle.

There is a long list of people that I would've rather died than her.

Why don't workplaces have a category of leave for "literally dying inside"?

I haven't been productive since the bs. (Refer to previous rant) And one deadline is approaching very fast.

My Christmas was ruined because I was anxious/annoyed/everything negative about the bs as well as being alone and stuck in a village. My new year has always been crap but this year it was extra crap.

Overall, I'm having none of the fun. My life is starting to feel like a deadend. I feel like I have to give up on my dreams to survive. And that no one is really on my side, despite whatever they say.

The ADHD rejection sensitivity is also heavily activated. Like I know that realistically I can fix this, but at this point I just want to break everything and let the ship sink.

I have lost time that I could be productive to this bs. And I wish nothing but misery for all those responsible for putting me in this situation. (I take responsibility for my mistakes, but not for how others behaved towards me)

My ass of a supervisor threw yet another bomb my way.

He basically said I would fire you if I could, but I don't have a valid reason, however I will not give a good grade for your dissertation because you don't do exactly what I told you. (not exact words, that was just the gist)

So I need to start looking for a new supervisor and a new department. He is not letting or helping me grow. I can't be under this fucking much stress, do this much fucking work and stay sane.

Gonna go cry now. Bye.

Fuck these grippers! I can't get a reliable force feedback from these mofos!! 😫😫😫

Follow up on yesterday's rant: by the end of today I had version "stupid" running. Now off to making it smart.

... and I'm really feeling burnt out. Smoked a crapton to get my brain working. Now wishing there was someone I could call or talk to, just so I could feel normalcy. Just so I could feel like I'm not spending my days fighting a battle. Cuddles would be nice too. (it's not that there's no one, there's just no one without a baggage or string or expectations or limits or idk)

Also, part of the robot arm is breaking apart and I have to make sure shit doesn't go haywire when we repair it tomorrow. 😑

I love what I do but damn it burns my brain to crisps.

So, today this robot really didn't want to move how I want it to move. 😒

Tomorrow, again, I guess.

Smh.

*sobs in robot voice*

To get a PhD in three years. Half way in, absolutely unrealistic but that's a hill I'm willing to die on! ⚔️

"Reviewer 2 is always a bitch"

Aaaaaaaand I'm looking at gloomy reviews which means my paper is gonna get rejected soon. Why oh god why!

(Actually, I know why, and maybe this is for the best, since I pulled the method out of my arse because I found out environments were unstable and had to nag about it to not fully lose a year's worth of investigative work. But also, this is my first conference rejection. Literally. 😐)

... There's a slight chance one of the reviews might save me tho, so keep your fingers and toes crossed for me, pleaeaeaeaeaeaeaaeaease! 🙏🏻